Last night I knew what I was going to blog about this morning. Major excitement about the Denver Broncos winning Monday night football and bitching about stupid shit going on in my life. I spent the morning getting the kids ready for school, getting ready for work, finding shoes and signing homework papers. In the midst of all my mundane crap thousands of people lost their lives in a way that has left me speechless and in shock all day. I have cried, I have worried for my little brother who is in the US Navy, I have been mad and scared and have tried to find the words to explain to my children the how and why of something that there is no resonable explanation to. I think I am still in shock, I know that soon it will set in and I am hoping that I will be able to grieve for my country and for the loss of the security that I have always felt living in the greatest country in the world. I am proud to be American and tomorrow as I see our flags flying at half mast I will cry for those who we have lost but I will also feel a sense of pride for my great country that will overcome this tragedy. Tonight I am praying for strength for my country, for those who serve and protect it and for those who have been touched personally by these tragic losses today. May God Bless you all and may God Bless America.

Work is fun, I really enjoy it. I am learning something new every day and it is fun to be working with Marshall again. We work so well together and of course working together is what brought us together in the first place. The kids are all adjusting very well. I am running out the door because I have to fill in today for someone who needed the day off. I won't be working many weekends but I don't mind once in awhile. I just wanted to stop in and say have a great weekend!

What a wonderful day! Let's see, I wake up to Danielle throwing up at 5:30 this morning. She managed to make it most of the way down the stairs before she got sick. I didn't want to send her to school but I didn't want to miss a day of work my first week! After we gave her a shower and got her cleaned up she laid on the couch. I feel like such a horrible mother. I can deal with every possible illness or circumstance but vomit I just can't do. I had to wake up Marshall to help me clean it up otherwise I would have been sick too. Ick. Thank goodness he loves me so much! lol After she slept until 7:30 am she decided (after I got ahold of my mom to watch her for me) that she felt well enough to go to school. I really didn't want to send her but she wanted to go and she didn't have a fever so I just sent a note to her teacher and crossed my fingers that she would be ok.

I drop Anthony off at day care and the day care woman's son wasn't feeling well. He didn't have a fever or anything so I didn't worry about it. I was at work maybe 2 hours when I got a phone call that the little boy had vomited and was breaking out in spots! Since it is easier for Marshall to leave work he went to pick up Anthony and thank goodness my mom didn't work today so that she could watch him. We still don't know what is wrong with him, she is taking him to the doctor tomorrow morning which means of course that she can't watch him. Hopefully he better soon and I hope it's not contagious. I had to find back-up day care for Anthony tomorrow.....thanks Jason. :-)

After work it is time to pickup Anthony from my mom's and take him for shots. He is behind and so has to catch up. He had four shots today, two in each arm. He was NOT happy! He kicked the poor nurse and I could barely hold him down. Next time Marshall gets to take him! I felt so bad, I wanted to cry more than he did! Poor baby. He was fine by the time we got to the car but I still feel bad. I have to take him in two more months for one more shot and then he will be done until he is four. Next time I take him for shots I'll be sure to not put a white shirt on him! Sheesh!

Brittany now tells me that she has a recycling project due tomorrow and she thought it was due next week which means nothing is done. My mom left her car in town yesterday so now I have to go pick it up, Marshall has to work on limo's all night and I have a ton of laundry to do. And how was your day?! :-)

Oh here's something cute I forgot to mention. The girl I work with most (her dad owns the company) is very sweet. I know I'm going to love working with her. She has been working with Marshall for some time now and he is the person she talks to when she is upset about whatever. He is such an easy person to talk to I completely understand and he has many female friends that use him as their sounding board. I guess if I was insecure in myself or in our relationship I would be jealous but I'm not because I know that I always come first. Besides most of my friends are guys so I guess it's a good thing I don't have a problem with it. lol

Anyway, this girl was so concerned that it was going to bother me that she talked to Marshall about it and asked him if I was going to be upset by her being friends with him. He started laughing because he knows that I am not jealous and of course reassured her that I was not going to be bothered by their friendship. He mentioned it to me at lunch and I thought it was funny but sweet. Later in the afternoon while her and I were working in the office she brought it up. She said as seriously sweet and sincere as she could be, "I just want you to know, and no offense to you, but he is just NOT my type, I mean he's just not my type." I really had to bite my lip so that I didn't laugh hysterically. It was just so funny. So when I told Marshall about it tonight he was like.......oh thanks a lot for crushing my ego.

It's okay honey.......you're still my type. hehe

First day was so incredibly fun. There are so many things to do there and I will constantly be busy which is what I need. The webpage stuff actually won't take up much time. The most time consuming part of that job will be taking the pictures and uploading them. Anyway the day was fun and I only pissed one person off today. Not to worry, I have a feeling she won't be there much longer. *evil grin*

Anthony's first day of day care went well other than the crying he did as I was walking out the door. I was very proud of myself, I didn't cry until I got to the car! Can you believe that I forgot my planner which had the day care number in it?! I remembered as soon as I got in the car but I didn't want to go back and ask for it and upset him more. So I had to go the entire day without calling! When I picked him up he was having fun and of course that made me feel much better! She said that he only cried a minute and he was great the rest of the day. I knew he would be! lol

So all in all it was a wonderful first day for both of us and now I am off to clean the kitchen, do a load of laundry and pass out due to a lack of sleep.

First day of work for me and day care for Anthony and I am a nervous wreck! I couldn't sleep worth shit last night because I kept laying there thinking of all of the shit I should have got done but didn't do. Yesterday was spent frantically cleaning the house. For some reason I just couldn't start work with my kitchen cupboards a mess, so I pulled everything out and scrubbed them from top to bottom. Still so much to do around here but I will have to get to it later. The girls just walked out the door to school and now it is my turn. Wish me luck. :-)

I am starting to feel extremely nervous at the thought of going to work. My list of inventory numbers I am supposed to go over are sitting on my desk glaring at me because I have as of yet to still pick them up. Beneath them is a little "quiz" to get me familiar with the most frequently used numbers. Last night Marshall asked me if I had looked at them yet and I blew up at him. I went on and on about how it is MY job and just because he happens to work there doesn't mean that it has anything to do with him. I think I said something like if I screw up it is a reflection on me and not on him so not to worry about it. He looks at me with this blank look on his face and says "where did THAT come from?" lol.....honestly I have no freakin clue. Thankfully he is very understanding and just gave me a hug and went about making dinner. I hate first days. I always have. Once it's over I will feel so much better.

Anthony and I went back to the daycare on Friday and he had a chance to play. We went in the late afternoon and I was able to meet some of the other mom's as they picked up their little ones. They all were really chatty and friendly with the daycare lady so that made me feel good. I am still nervous over that too. Please, please, please let Tuesday be over soon! lol

I am going to miss you! Sorry I didn't call you back the other day but I didn't know if there were "issues" you need to deal with. Ya know? I'll call in a few days when I think you are a little more settled. I got my candles yesterday! They are absolutely yummy! Anthony keeps wanting to eat the cupcakes! lol I love you and you know what? You WILL get through this! :-) I am sooo proud of you.

The visit to the daycare yesterday went well. The only problem I see is that she has a little boy who is Anthony's age and is also new. He was very aggressive. Hitting the other kids and taking away their snacks. Hopefully he is just acting out due to the new environment. I am going to meet with her again on Friday and see how he is adjusting before I put Anthony in. I am just worried that she will not be able to control this little boy. The rest of the kids are adorable, she has 4 total right now and Anthony would make five. Two of the ones she has now are full time (one of them is her own) and two are part time. She was very nice and I enjoyed visiting with her. It was interesting to watch Anthony interact with all the kids. He loves babies but he did NOT like that little boy. I was proud of him though. When that boy hit him Anthony did not hit him back but he did yell at the little boy to stop. I know he can defend himself, he has two big sisters who pick on him all the time. He never hesitates to hit them but I guess he was able to tell the difference between hitting his sisters and hitting another little kid. Hopefully Friday will go well because I start work next Tuesday.

The girls had a wonderful 1st day of school. Danielle came home and said, "Mrs. Rudolph is soooooooo cool!" lol As soon as they came home it was off to piano lessons. Brittany has been taking piano but it was Danielle's first lesson. She really liked it. They have to practice at my mom's house because we don't have a piano and it's such a pain in the ass to take them over there just to practice. Marshall's sister (Hi Verlee) might have a piano we could use with the condition that if Marshall and I split up he gets to keep it. :-) Sheesh, we're not even married and we already have to plan who gets what in the case of a divorce. hehe

I think I may have found Anthony a daycare. We are going to stop by there this afternoon so that I can talk to her some more and so that we can see how Anthony interacts with the other kids. She is very reasonable and is licensed. It is ran out of her home and she doesn't have too many kids which is nice. There is a little boy Anthony's age so hopefully he will make a new friend. I really think this will be good for him. He needs to play with kids other than his big sisters who drive him crazy. I am still very nervous about this but hopefully it will all go well.

I am also getting nervous about my new job. Did I mention that I will be working with Marshall? Except for now I have to get used to calling him John (Marshall is his middle name). He came home yesterday with a huge printout of all of the inventory numbers that I will need to know. When I started working at the truck stop I knew absolutely nothing about trucks or truck repair and now I can look at any truck and tell you what kind of filters they use for oil changes and I know more than I will ever need to know about truck tires. This can't be any harder but I am still nervous. The webpage stuff will be easy but I also will need to know how to run the front counter and find parts in the system etc. It will be fun to work with Marshall again but I did make him promise me last night that we won't talk about work too much at home. I would hate for that to be our only topic of conversation! lol

Oh, I almost forgot, I got the job. I start the Tuesday after labor day. So I guess I need to find Anthony a daycare. I am really nervous about it but at the same time excited. I think it will be good for all of us. I really need to get out of this house more, I am driving myself (and everyone around me) crazy. I miss working and of course the extra money will be nice. I am of course most worried about Anthony. He has never been in daycare, I think it will be good for him, but I will be so sad to have someone else watch my baby. He really does need to play with other kids though. He is way too attached to me and Marshall. Damn I am starting to feel guilty!

Today is the girls' first day back to school! They were so excited. It is so quiet here. All week I kept saying how I was so ready for them to go back to school but now that they are gone it is just too quiet. :-( Even Anthony is quiet, it's as if he doesn't know what to do without his big sisters. I hope they have a wonderful day today and I can't wait to hear how everything goes.


Brittany (5th grade) and Danielle (2nd grade)

They were not too thrilled with me taking their pictures this morning. We live right across the street from the school and so all of the kids can see me outside taking their pictures. Brittany was especially embarrassed when the boy she has a crush on rode by on his bike. I kept telling them that I am not the only mom taking pictures today but of course when it is your mom doing it, it is more embarrassing. Sheesh......they are lucky I didn't walk to school with them and take their pictures as they hang up their backpacks and sit at their desks! lol

What a long day yesterday turned out to be. All day shopping with three kids, lots of other moms shopping at the last minute, I still had the limo calls on my cell phone, plus it was so hot I think we were all melting. We did buy tennis shoes and found some really cute clothes here. The girls found so many clothes that they liked that I ended up buying half and putting the other half on layaway for when I get the next child support check. Hopefully it will actually arrive on time next month. We couldn't get in to get Brittany's hair done so we have to go back to the mall this afternoon. She still hasn't chickened out.

After an entire day of shopping I had to hurry back home because Danielle had to be at a pool party for her Brownie troop. At least it was nice enough for them to swim and it was nice to talk to the mom's that I only see during the school year.

Marshall came home and brought me a job application. I haven't really been looking for work but they need help in the office where he works with their web page. The web page is all set up, basically I would be adding new product photos and answering emails. There would also be bookkeeping and other stuff. I filled out the application but I doubt if I will get it because I think I asked for more than they are willing to pay. It would be nice though. I think I am really getting sick of being at home all the time. I have been really bitchy lately, maybe if I worked out of the house I would be in a better mood. My hours would be flexible and I wouldn't have to work weekends so we'll see how it goes. Having extra money is never a bad thing, especially since Christmas will be here before I even know it.

It took a few days but we are all finally dealing better with the loss of our kitty. Thanks to all of you for the kind words and emails. I am still shocked at how hard I took it. I mean, of course it is hard on kids but I was crying like a baby. We never had pets growing up so I've never dealt with this either. Part of me was saying.....get over it Lisa, it's just a cat but the other part of me wouldn't listen and just kept crying. We thought about getting another kitty but have decided that we don't want another one right now, maybe we'll think about it later.

Today is another school shopping day. We are also going to do haircuts and Brittany has decided for sure that she wants a perm. I am so nervous. I don't want her to hate it and I'm afraid she's gonna walk out of there crying. Let's just hope that it all goes well and that she loves it. There is nothing worse than starting school with hair you hate. Maybe I will talk her out of it, I'm still not sure. I'll let you know how it goes. School starts Monday.......I am feeling so unprepared!

We had a kitty funeral for Gypsy today. Marshall found a little wooden box and he wrapped her in a soft towel and put her in the box. The box was so tiny it broke my heart. We buried her in the corner of the back yard underneath a small tree. Danielle found some flowers to place on top and we all talked about our favorite memories of her. It's hard to believe how many there were because we have had her less than two weeks. But she was so cute and cuddly and had her own little personality. We all loved her and will all miss her. Hopefully the funeral will help the kids say goodbye.

Our little kitty died today. The girls both cried all afternoon. I have no idea how to deal with this. I have no idea why she died, if she was sick or maybe just too little to be away from her mom. We have never had a pet die other than a goldfish which wasn't as big of a deal. I am completely at a loss as to what to do right now. I have hugged them, talked to them, but how do you make it right? I am the mommy and I am supposed to fix things, it is a horrible feeling to not be able to fix this. The kitty is in a box in the bathroom right now, I don't know what else to do. Marshall is still at work......I hope he comes home soon. I just don't feel capable of dealing with this alone. We had named the kitty this weekend, her name was Gypsy. I never took a picture of her. Damn I feel like shit right now.

Expect lots and lots of bitching this week! lol My stepsister went on vacation leaving me to handle the limo calls during the day. I have no idea how I used to do this crap 24 hours a day - 7 days a week....hmmm.....maybe that's why I don't do it very often anymore.

Let's see, my day starts off with a driver who is 5 minutes late and within that 5 minute period I get 3 calls from different upset customers who are waiting to be picked up. Yep, it's gonna be a wonderful week. :-)

Today we took the kids here for "Pioneer Days". We had so much fun. This living museum is open year round but for two days out of the year the exhibits come to life. There are people roaming around in costumes of the pioneer era and there are many exhibits on what day to day life was like. We watched a "gun fight" in front of the saloon (this made Anthony scream) and the girls were involved in a melodrama which lead to their train being held up, they also were able to put on old dresses and hats and we took pictures of them sitting in an antique car. We had ice cream in the old creamery, bought candy at the drugstore and the kids and I tried rommegrøt and lefse for the first time. No one was too impressed with the lefse but Brittany and Anthony liked the rommegrøt but I can guarantee you that even if they would have had this to try no one would have tasted it. Marshall's sister was laughing at us, she says if they can eat taco's we should be able to eat lefse.

The coolest part is that we saw Marshall's dad's picture at the law enforcement museum. Marshall's dad was acting chief of police in Moorhead for many years. He was very young in the picture and very handsome. We went to his house after we left and he was surprised to hear that his picture was up. I wish we could take him to see it but it would be way too much walking for him and when we suggested he use a wheelchair he pretended not to hear us. We walked all day, in and out of all of the different buildings, there was so much to see and we probably only saw half of it. Definitely a fun day, the kids are excited to go again next year.

The girls and I went powershopping yesterday. We bought all of their school supplies at Wal-mart. Wow......talk about a madhouse! I guess I'm not the only one who waits until the last minute. We ran into the school secretary and found out that there was a last minute change on Friday and that all of the teachers had been switched around. Brittany had been celebrating last fall that she wouldn't have to have the normal (and rumored mean) 5th grade teacher. I wish I could have had a picture of her face when she was told that she would have this teacher after all. Her poor little face dropped but she smiled bravely at the secretary and just nodded her head. It was so funny. So after stocking up on glitter pencils, stacks of paper, boxes of markers, crayons, glue, glue sticks, gel pens, new backpacks and cute little plaid covered notebooks and pencil boxes we decided to shop for clothes.

Not fun. My girls drive me crazy now, I can't imagine when they are teenagers. We glanced at Wal-mart....but their clothes suck. The only thing we found was a cute sweater for Brittany. So we moved on. Brittany has been reading this magazine all summer and has it in her head already what she wants to buy. Amazingly we found her dream outfit for the first day of school. It starts off with a pair of boots.......I still can't believe I let her buy them! LOL.....I think she was shocked that I let her buy them. At first I almost said no, but then I figured that it's her feet. If she want's to wear them why not? They aren't any worse then some of the shoes I used to wear. So to go with the boots she found this really cute red plaid mini-skirt. I just love plaid skirts, they are so adorable. Danielle got one too with this cute black vest.

So we found a few really cute outfits but of course we are not done. We're gonna have to go back and brave the crowds next week. After all of our shopping we picked up two pepperoni pizza's and brought them home to our guys and ate pizza while we showed off all of our purchases. Marshall of course has to go on and on about how the news said that it cost $40 to send a child to school with school supplies so he's going to complain to the news because they were wrong because I spent way more than that. And then he has to go on and on about how his school supplies were old pencils, a used ruler and eraser, and paper. Then of course comes the story about walking miles to school up-hill through blizzards both ways. He had the girls giggling because he was being so funny. Later he just thanked me for not making him go shopping with us. lol

My thoughts for the last few days have been with a close friend of mine who is going through a lot of shit. I am worried about her and I hope she knows that although it may not seem like it right now, everything will be all right. Her marriage is falling apart and as I talk to her and read her blog I keep remembering when I went through the same sort of crap. Regardless if you are the one leaving a marriage or whether you are the one "being left", when there are children involved divorce sucks.

It's been about 5 years now since I left Jorge. I really have no idea of the exact date because in my mind everything was in such a haze that I have a hard time remembering exactly how it all happened. All I remember is that I desperately needed out of my marriage. I felt as if I was drowning and the more I tried to breathe the harder it was to stay afloat. There is nothing that he did wrong, nothing wrong with him, I in fact still care about him very much. I just didn't love him any more. So I packed up my girls and we left. I was accused of being selfish, of only thinking of myself and not my family. I have felt so much guilt for what I did but NEVER have I had any regrets as to how everything turned out.

How can a person live if they don't feel alive? How could I have been a good mom if I lived a life of misery just to keep us "together". I believe in my heart that if I would have stood in my marriage we would have ended up hating each other. So I did what was best for me, I left. Yes that may seem selfish but I guess I'm the one who has to live with that. What I do know is that Jorge did get on with his life. He remarried and may again be divorced soon. We haven't talked about it much but I do get the sense that he realizes why I did what I did, and I think maybe that is why he refuses to settle for a marriage that isn't making him happy just for the sake of not hurting someone. He is now doing what he has to do to make himself happy and I hope with all my heart that he finds it. Because in my heart I only wish him the best because he deserves the best, and he deserved more than to have a wife who didn't love him with all her heart but only stood with him for the sake of the kids. I know that my children are better off, they are happy and well adjusted. There is no tension at home, they see their mom is happy and they love Marshall almost as much as they love their own dad who they visit as often as they can. Jorge and I have remained friends and are in fact closer than I think we were when we were married. I may not have loved him as a wife should but I do love him as my friend and I always will.

As I write this I feel as if I am in a way trying to justify what I did. I think it is because as I hear my friend's pain and anguish over her marriage failing I am feeling guilty because I know that I caused that sort of pain to someone else. She doesn't understand why her husband would leave and as much as I am there for her and wish that I could take her pain away, I can still remember my own desperation to get out of my marriage no matter how much Jorge begged me not to go. Her anger towards him has opened me up to the anger Jorge must have felt towads me. Because he is a guy he had to "hold it together" but I know that his pain was no less then hers. She talks about her life falling apart through no fault of her own and I know Jorge felt the same way. Many of the words she has used were in fact used by Jorge towards me. It really isn't fair that one person can completely change the course of your life. It isn't fair that I could just decide to be a single mom while she doesn't have a choice in the matter.

What I do know is that as hard as this is for her she will be ok. She is strong and she will one day look back and see how far she has come. Her life is now open to many possiblities that weren't there before. I know that at this moment that probably isn't much comfort to her but I have been there in a way. I know that live goes on and when you least expect it happiness and yes even love can find you. Right now maybe that's not enough.....maybe instead of talking to me she should be talking to Jorge.

Damn server has been down almost all day today, it is really starting to piss me off. I think it's time to find a new server. Any suggestions?

I knew school was starting really soon, and I knew that I had to register the girls just about any day. I knew the school calendar and the school supply list was somewhere close by......I just couldn't remember where! lol Thank goodness I found it yesterday because guess when I have to register the girls?? Yep.....today. So I'm off to get them registered and then I am off to get the last of their school supplies. Every year these lists get longer and longer. I always remember having to take a box of kleenex to school when I was a kid....this year we are up to THREE boxes of kleenex per child! They are going to need a seperate backpack just to carry the kleenex! lol

School starts August 27th, which means I have less than two weeks to get haircuts, buy clothes and shoes, and finish getting school supplies. Oh and Brittany wants a perm in her hair! I don't know if I should talk her out of it or just let her do it. She wants to highlight her hair too! I've already said no to that one. When did she grow up so quickly?! I am so not ready for this! She is only going into 5th grade this year, can you imagine when she gets to junior high?! lol

I just LOVE Sesame Street! I am just sitting her ROFLMAO at how cute Anthony is. He is in the livingroom singing the alphabet at the top of his lungs with Elmo. His pronunciations are sooo cute. When I try to do the alphabet with him he refuses, he looks at me like I have completely lost my mind, but for some reason when they are singing it on Sesame Street it is ok. He gets embarrassed so easy, if I went in there right now and tried to watch it with him he would quit singing. So I have to sit here in the other room pretending I don't hear how cute he is.

Have you seen Marshall's picture? If you haven't this story isn't as cute. You see, he is this big, tough, biker dude who literally scares people just by looking at them. He looks mean and if he doens't like you (which is 90% of the population) he is mean. So this morning my mean biker guy gets up early before going to work, makes a tiny bottle of milk for our new baby kitty, and feeds her so that I could sleep in. AAwwww.......isn't that so sweet? :-) I know of so many guys who wouldn't do that with a real baby much less a kitten. Now if you should read this and you know Marshall.......sssshhhhhh.....don't say anything! I'm not supposed to let people know how wonderful he is! hehe

So yesterday when I was bored out of mind I took the quiz to find out my top spot to live. I knew I was a small town girl but damn this is really bad! lol Here are my choices (keep in mind that I already live in Fargo, North Dakota!):

Hancock/Houghton, Michigan
New York Mills, Minnesota
Spearfish, South Dakota
Petoskey, Michigan
Spencer, Iowa
Lanesboro, Minnesota

New York Mills is only like 80 miles from here. I might just have to drive up there and see why it would be a top spot for me. lol

Nothing to post today. I swear some days I just have too much to blog about and then there are days like today where if I posted what was actually going on around here you would be bored to tears. So I will spare you the agony and just skip all the mundane details of my life today.

Hope you all are enjoying a wonderful weekend. My sister and I are taking the girls to see this movie today. They are very excited. Not much else going on. We stayed home last night and ate popcorn and watched movies. Nothing really exciting but yet, one of my favorite things to do. I baked cookies last night from this "cookie-in-a-jar" mix that I bought at an auction at the kids school. They came out not so good. The kids of course liked them and Marshall ate them, but they were really gross. I think I'll stick to my own recipes, there's nothing like baking your own cookies from scratch!

Our new kitty is doing good. She sure eats a lot. I am afraid to overfeed her so I have been feeding her a little at a time several times a day. She is so cute, she is so fluffy, just a little round puff of black fur. Still no name, we really should come up with one soon because right now we are all calling her "baby". I would hate for that name to stick! lol

We have a new kitty! Marshall came home the other day and told me about some kittens that had been found at work in a car. There was no mother in sight and the poor kittens almost got crushed when they were crushing cars. Thank goodness someone heard the meowing! So far three have been adopted, we took one yesterday and there is one more left to find a home for. We got the only black one, the rest were gray. She (I think it's a she) is so adorable, but so tiny we have to feed her with a bottle we bought just for her with some special "kitty milk formula". LOL......it's like having a baby all over again! She even woke me up for a feeding at 6am! Our other cat (Mittens) isn't too sure what to think of her. I think she is more scared than anything because anytime the baby goes near her poor Mittens jumps clear across the room. I am watching them closely because I am so scared that Mittens will hurt the baby. Marshall says they will be fine together but I told him that if Mittens hurts the baby I will never talk to him again.

The kids are of course excited but the kitten has really sharp claws so they don't try to pick her up which is a good thing because she is just too tiny. She is sleeping in a basket next to me right now, curled up in a little ball, she looks like a rolled up pair of socks! We still don't have a name for her yet. Any suggestions?

Good grief!! Why is that whenever I drive with my mom she drives me out of my mind?? She acts like I have no clue how to drive and bitches about how fast I drive, the way I turn, if she doesn't think I looked in the mirror properly. AAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I was so ready to see her finally get on her damn plane. I know I am going to miss her but for that moment I was just relieved to see her go! I swear, from the moment I pulled out of the driveway she was complaining. She said, "Do you want me to drive?" and I said "No, I just want you to be quiet about MY driving." I drive so much better than her, she is the definition of road rage. She is constantly yelling at someone, cutting people off, she is a scary driver. So the whole way into town she is bitching about my driving, I was going 5 miles over the speed limit and she freaked about how fast I was going. Hello......who just got a speeding ticket last week?? It sure as hell wasn't me going 65 in a 45mph zone! And then when we had to stop and pick up Danielle from summer school I got out of the car and came out and she was on the drivers side. She said she had to move the car because it was in someone's way but of course she didn't get out so I could drive. I would much rather she drove then to have to listen to her complain so I didn't say anything. So guess what she does?

She pulls out of the school parking lot, cuts off a car coming towards her and turns so sharp that the console tips over knocking her entire glass of ice water into my shoes!!!!! But of course I am the one who does not know how to drive. And then we had to make a left hand turn onto a busy street. It had two turning lanes, we were on the outside lane. She makes the turn into the inside lane, not even looking if there was someone beside her. Fortunately there was no one beside us otherwise she would have crunched someone's car. Sheesh! I swear, when she turns 55 I am going to take away her drivers license and she better not bitch about my driving otherwise I will make her keep her ass at home!! Of course I can say all this stuff about her now because she is Maine! ROFLMAO

Yesterday the play was so cute! We really enjoyed it and even Anthony sat still! He was so good that we have decided to take him to see Shrek. We took the girls when it first came out but left him with my mom because he is usually not very good in movies and then one of us ends up sitting in the lobby with him playing video games. So I am hoping that he will sit through the entire and watch it without driving me insane because I am looking forward to seeing Shrek again. It is such a cute movie.

I have to get running shortly. I have to take my mom to the airport today. She is leaving to visit her friend Penny in Maine. Before she leaves we are going to pick up Maria from work and have lunch together. We are going here, I just love their soup.

We are supposed to go to the lakes this weekend, but I think Marshall has to work on Sat. Maybe we will just drive up there and spend the day on Sunday. The girls have really wanted to go. Hopefully the weather won't be so damn hot. Still not done with school shopping. Why do I always wait till the last minute?!

Oh I almost forgot, I DID get my candles yesterday! The package was sitting in the entry way of our house and I didn't even know it was there. Danielle found it for me. They are so yummy! They kids thought that the grubby loaf was really cool because I didn't have a candle tin big enough so I put it in a bread loaf pan to burn it. They said it looked like a birthday cake.

I am so, so sorry to hear about your bad morning. It always seems to happen that way. One thing goes wrong and it sets off a chain reaction! I hope the crying and the nap helps you feel better. I know it usually works for me. :-) That sucks about your ticket. I remember when I lived in California with my ex, it was right before Christmas and I was about 7 months pregnant with Brittany. We parked on the side of grocery store in front of a shopping center and ran inside for five minutes because I was craving ice cream. We got the ice cream and when we went back outside we had a ticket! It was then that we saw the handicap sign posted not on a sign where they usually are but with a small sign hanging on the building in front of us. The damn stall wasn't even painted as a handicap parking. I don't remember how much our ticket was but I do remember that it took all of our Christmas shopping money to pay it. Ever since then I have been completely paranoid about handicap parking spaces. I won't even park next to one just to be on the safe side. lol I hope you are feeling better! (((Hugs)))

Last night I went to my first ever block party. Because we live in such a small town we don't have block parties because a new community center was recently built where we all get together, have dances, etc. so I have never had the chance to go to one. Marshall's dad invited us to his house for their block party. We had fun, drank some beer, the kids played with Marshall's nephews, they thought it was pretty cool to be able to play in the middle of the street. One guy there pulled out his guitar and started playing songs, everyone sang.....except for me, Marshall and his dad. I think I would have liked to sing but I didn't really know anyone so it felt a little strange. Maybe if I would have had more beer. lol

As we left Marshall's dad's house about 10:30pm I remembered that Danielle has a bday party to go to today and I had (once again) forgotten to buy a gift. So we went to Wal-Mart and found some cute stuff. Brittany bought herself a new pair of roller blades. She's been saving her money. She has a really nice pair. Now she wishes that she was the one going to a party today because it's a skating party. I am letting her skate in the kitchen because it's too hot outside to skate outside today. My mom would never have let us skate in the house, she would have completely freaked. We have ceramic tile, if she marks it's easy to clean up. No big deal.

Today my sister and I are taking the kids to see a play called Chocolate. The play is being put on by the Trollwood Performing Arts School. They always have great performances. This is something Brittany really wants to get involved with but you have to be in the sixth grade to participate. I'll have to check into it for next year.

I almost forgot! Thank you so much Eden for my sweet gift.
They are adorable! Still no candles though.....I"ll let you know when I get them. :-)
xoxoxoxo

Just for those of you who might be wondering, the meeting last night regarding Cassandra was cancelled. My stepdad had to work late and my mom was not feeling well. We all still plan to do everything we can to get her, but like I said, it's hard for me to think about it right now because so many factors could keep that from happening.

I'll keep ya posted :-) Working on updates on my other site.....it's giving me major headaches!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. No new news on Cassandra yet. Tonight Marshall and I are meeting with my mom and stepdad and discuss the best possible way to go about doing this. I am so nervous. I don't even want to think about getting her until I know for sure what is going on. There are so many things right now that must fall into place before I can even think about what to do next so for now I am sitting on pins and needles.

OMG, with everything on my mind I forgot to post about what happened Friday! lol We had just ate dinner and we were watching tv when I heard a knock at the door. I was expecting my mom so I assumed it was her. A uniformed sherrif was at the door and asked for John. I am so shocked to see a policman at my door I say "Who?" John is Marshall's first name but he goes by Marshall since his dad is also John. The sheriff looks at me like I was stupid and said...." Is there a Marshall here?" My first instinct was to say no......I don't know why......but I am not a good liar anyway so I said yes. I called Marshall to the door and the sheriff asks him to step outside. I am totally freaking out. I go outside with them and the sheriff announces that he has a warrant for Marshall's arrest. Talk about freaking us both out! The guy explains that somehow Marshall had missed a court date for a child support review (while we were on vacation I think) and that put him in contempt which gives him an arrest warrant. Marshall was freaking out because he pays childsupport every month, how can he not? It comes right out of his check! Marshall tells the sheriff that he will set up another court date right away but that he can't afford to miss work (he had to work on Saturday). The sheriff tells him to come out to his car and he will see what he can do.

I sat on the front stairs as Marshall talked to the sheriff through the passenger side window of his car. At this point I am pretty sure that Marshall will not be arrested because if the sheriff really wanted to arrest him he wouldn't have discussed it at all. I watch in amusement as every car that drives by gawks at the sheriffs car in my drive way. Don't you just love living in a small town? lol To make things even better two of our limousines pull up and need to get into the shop but of course can't back in with the police car in the way. So of course that attracts even more attention as people are driving by. The sheriff finally pulled out of the way for the limo's to park and shortly after he left..........with out Marshall. Marshall was still freaking out at this point. He went straight across the street to the store and bought a pack of cigarettes. The sheriff was nice enough to write on his report that Marshall wasn't home and that he had spoke to me and left a message about the warrant. Talk about a really nice guy!

Guess what Marshall did first thing this morning? LOL ...... Yep, he set up a new court date for as soon as possible. I think the warrant is still in effect until he sees the judge so let's hope he doesn't get pulled over. :-) I swear, there is never a boring moment around here!

Another life changing phone call. As I write my heart is filled with sadness and hope. My mom's sister called this morning. My aunt has a daughter who is a year younger than I am. 9 years ago she had a daughter named Cassandra. I have met Cassandra's mom twice in my life and Cassandra I have never met. Cassandra's mom no longer wants her. My aunt, Cassandra's grandmother, does not have the financial means or the stability to keep her. She called my mom and wants her to take her. My mom in her heart wants Cassandra and she of course would have no problem taking care of her financially. My mom's concern is that her and my stepdad have planned to retire in five years. They just got my brother, the baby of the family, out of the house. How do you go from sending your youngest son off into the Navy and turn around and take on the responsibilities of a nine year old? My mom and stepdad are both used to working until late at night, going out whenever they want, taking extended vacations. There is a lot for her to consider.

I on the other hand already have three kids, in all honesty one more won't make a difference. While our house isn't as huge as my mom's, we would have room for one more. Cassandra is close in age to both Brittany and Danielle. Getting her to school, activities, etc would not be a problem. Having one more would definitely NOT change our lifestyle......lol we don't have a lifestyle! My concern with us taking her is that financially it would be a lot to take on. I want this little girl more than I can say. Between my family and my mom and stepdad I think that we can provide a home, love and financial support for Cassandra.

My heart hurts at the thought of what it must be like to be nine year's old and have your mom not want you. There are many complications to work out. First of all, we would have to get my cousin to agree to let us take her. We would also have to get Cassandra's biological dad (who is an alcoholic and who supposedly doesn't want her either) to give up parental rights. We would then need to find a way to get her from Colorado to here and legally adopt her and/or get guardianship. Hopefully this can all get done so that she has time to adjust before school starts. That seems like a huge order but I do believe that if it is meant to happen it will work out. Please keep Cassandra in your thoughts and pray that in the end what is best for Cassandra will happen.

Okay, this is getting very pathetic! lol I have found so many old files, it is unbelievable! I found my chat icon from when I used to chat here. Yes, I used to hangout in the "Singles Bar" but ssshhh don't tell anyone! lol These ~~> were uploaded August 17, 1996. Sheesh......who knows where these lips have been! Well I do but I'm not telling! :-P hehe

Holy Cow! (lol I don't usually use that expression, honestly I don't but for some reason it seemed to fit) I am trying to clean out some of my files on this site and I found a graphic that had been uploaded September, 28, 1996 and definitely is not being used for any thing other than taking up space. Sheesh, I guess it's about time to get rid of some shit.......you think?

It's amazing how a persons life can change through no fault of their own. It's amazing how a choice made can affect everyone around you. My mom called yesterday. We have a mutual friend who lives in Maine. Penny was first and mostly my mom's friend but we would all get together and go out drinking and partying. Last summer Penny came to visit, actually Penny comes to visit every summer, she usually brings herself, her daughter and lobsters. I had never seen her so happy. Everything was going so well for her. Her and her husband had just built a new house, they had a very successful business, everything was perfect. This summer no one had heard from Penny so we just assumed she was too busy to visit.

A few weeks ago a drunk driver killed two people while coming home from a friends house. The drunk driver was Penny's husband. I never knew Penny's husband well. Once we all went out together and I remember him being so funny. His accent was so cute and I remember we all went out to eat after the bar closed and we had this incredibly stupid conversation about "Fluff". We had never heard of the stuff and he was so shocked that we had never tried it. Of course us being drunk added to the whole hilarity of the conversation.

I think back to that night because that is really the only mental picture I have of him. I can't think of him as the murderer of two people. The families of those lost will always think of him that way. Penny is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Not only has she lost her husband but she has to deal with the fact that her husband killed two people. He was driving their company vehicle when he hit them. The company is in her name and she is now being sued. I can't imagine the range of emotions she is going through right now. Her daughter is the same age as Brittany, how in the world could she possible deal with this? How does anyone get through something like this? My mom is flying down to see her. Hopefully in some small way that will help.

My heart breaks for the two people killed and for their families. Their lives were changed through no fault of their own. It is always hard to lose someone you love and care for regardless of the circumstances, but when you know it could have been prevented that must make it all the harder. My heart also breaks for my friend who in one moment had everything and again through no fault of her own has lost her husband and probably her business. The sad thing is that this tragedy will be repeated again and again. A different time, different place and different people. But somewhere out there someone who is loved by others will get behind the wheel of a car while drunk and kill someone they probably had never met before and change the lives of everyone who knows them. How sad is that?

I am totally addicted to this stuff. Every night I pop a bag while we are watching tv. I really don't like to share it but if Marshall is really, really nice I just might give him a little. Did you know that you can buy this in one gallon jugs? Yummm........I think I'm making myself hungry.

Not much going on today. Brittany decided to warm up one of these breakfast sandwiches in the microwave and burned it to a crisp! My entire house smelled like burned sausage. Thank goodness for yummy candles to get rid of the smell! :-) I also ordered new candles from here today. I can't wait to get them. I hope no more of my friends make candle sites because I am turning into a major candle addict! lol

I'm going to have to drag my ass out of the house soon and go shopping. Brittany has a bday party to go to tomorrow which of course means I have to buy a gift. She is never any help when it comes to shopping. I ask her if she has any ideas and she never has a clue. Lucky for her she has a smart mom who can figure it out because according to another mom I am known for buying the best gifts. lol....talk about pressure. The first time I mess up a gift everyone will be talking about it. hehe

It is so damn hot here, I am going out of my mind. Last night I woke up to crashing thunder and intense lightning. Normally I love waking up to storms but last night it was so hot and muggy I felt as if I couldn't breath. It didn't help that I had this bizarre dream that my entire family was in a Winnebego and we were leaving town in a hurry because of the storm. My stepdad was driving and I was sitting behind him on the floor holding my son who was a baby. Suddenly he slammed on the brakes because everyone else was leaving town and the traffic was incredible. I looked up and saw a man standing there holding a rifle to my stepdad's window. He wanted to hijack the vehicle. My stepdad calmly pulls over and lets him in. The guy gets in and sits across from me holding the gun at me and my son. I woke up shortly after that due to the storm but the dream really left me out of sorts. As I analyzed my dream I couldn't figure out which was more telling. The fact that my stepdad was the one driving and who allowed this man aboard (lately we haven't been getting along) or the fact that this guy looked like Marshall. Weird huh? The heat kept me up for most of the night and I got 5 new mosquito bites! Damn I am getting sick of summer!

Sssshhhhh.........Don't tell anyone but I am ready for snow!

Found at LaLa's....
If I were a stone, I would be a moonstone.
If I were a tree, I would be a weeping willow tree.
If I were a bird, I would be a killdeer.
If I were a machine, I would be a gumball machine.
If I were a fruit, I would be a mango.
If I were a flower, I would be a fire 'n' ice rose.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be a blizzard.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be a kazoo.
If I were a kind of profession, I would be a blacklisted journalist.
If I were an animal, I would be a flying mule.
If I were a color, I would be indigo blue.
If I were a fragrance, I would be Poison.
If I were an emotion, I would be belligerent.
If I were a vegetable, I would be a brussel sprout.
If I were a song, I would be Bitch by Merideth Brooks.
If I were a food, I would be a Blazen Hot Buffalo Wing.

I am awake. I hate when I am awake when I really want to just be asleep! I know that I should just enjoy the quiet of the house before everyone wakes up but I would much rather be cuddled next to my sweetie sound asleep. We did have a wonderful day yesterday. We all slept in and Marshall and I woke up to the girls cleaning the kitchen and Brittany made us coffee! Sometimes it amazes me how grown up they are. Brittany is already bugging me to let her highlight her hair! I think that 10 years old is a little young for that! Don't you? I told her I would go to the mall and try to find her temporary stuff that would wash out, you know the stuff I mean? It looks like mascara and comes in gold, blue and red highlights. I think she would have fun playing with it and hopefully it will make her forget that she is growing up way too fast! lol

We were missing my dad's wonderful breakfast burritos that he made for us while we were there so Marshall and I attempted to make them together. They came out so yummy! We have decided to make them a Sunday tradition. After cleaning the kitchen we watched a movie with the kids and just kinda hung out. Marshall pulled out the board games and we spent the day playing games and eating popcorn. A nice, lazy Sunday. Don't you just love them? :-)

Before I forget I just wanted to thank you for my candles!! They are all so yummy!! Don't worry my mom was taking care of my mail while I was gone so there was no "melting blueberry muffins wax seeping down" my front steps. lol Your auctions are making me want to shop again! As soon as I recover from our vacation I will be sending you another order. :-)

Went to see this with my mom and sister last night. They wanted to have a girls night out.......lol......think they missed me? hehe It was a cute movie and afterwards we went here to have a few drinks. The music was good although I didn't see anyone I knew there. Usually I run into a few people I know but since I haven't been there in how long? I guess that would explain it. I am so out of the bar scene. I really don't miss it but it was fun to go out for a change. I think I need to do that more often.

I'm still trying to get into the swing of things after vacation. We had so much fun. I haven't spent time with my dad since we went to Alaska together a few years ago. He took us all over the Bay area. We went to Alcatraz, Pier 39 (spent way too much money shopping here (I couldn't resist buying one of these), here and here. We had awesome clam chowder on Fisherman's Wharf and browsed the shops there as well. At one point we found this really cool shop/museum that my dad says he loves to visit. As I am browsing around with my brother my dad excitedly calls us over. He has found an old bell from a Navy ship and can you believe on the bell is the name "Peralta"?! I have never in my life seen anything with our last name on it. My brother who is in the Navy was very excited and we pull Marshall over to admire our "namesake" as I get my brother to stand under the bell as I snap his picture. Unfortunately our bubble is quickly burst as Marshall points out a small sign underneath the bell that claims "The Peralta" to be the Bad Luck Ship! We all glare at him for ruining our moment but took more pictures nonetheless. lol

Here are a few more highlights of our trip. We took the kids on a tour of the Jelly Belly Factory, that was actually a lot of fun. Did you know it takes 7-10 days to make one Jelly Belly? We also went to Six Flags, Marine World and took Marshall on his very first roller coaster ride. We took him on the Medusa which was so much fun. I absolutely love roller coasters. Marshall wasn't as impressed and spent the rest of the day watching us ride from the ground. I think the Medusa might have been a little bit too much roller coaster for his first time. lol We actually went to Marine World a few times because my dad bought us season passes. I know that seems silly for only a two week vacation but we went a few times and made it worth while. We went to my dad's favorite hangout in Vallejo called "Chris' Club" and played pool a few times. We also spent one day in Reno and gambled here, here and here. We didn't win much but had fun anyway. The rest of the time was spent lounging on my dad's patio, visiting and just hanging out. We had a very relaxing vacation and are looking forward to doing it again next summer.

Yes, I did say we plan to drive there again. lol No, I am not insane.......well maybe just a little bit. hehe Actually the drive was a lot of fun! The kids were really good and we took our time and stopped often which helped from keeping us from going insane. Anthony was so cute. We would let him out at a rest area and let him run around for 15 minutes and then Marshall would tell him to get back in his chair and he would jump in the car and climb into his chair and wait for someone to buckle him up. We also made it a point to stop early a few nights so that the kids would have time to swim in the hotel swimming pool. There is nothing like a good bribe to keep the kids on their best behavior! lol

Well as much fun as vacations are it is always good to be home! Thank you and you for the warm welcomes. It's nice to know someone missed me. :-)

I'm back! We had an incredible vacation!!!!! California was so much fun and we had a wonderful visit with my dad. We were supposed to be back on Sunday but I just didn't want to go so we extended it a few days and got home this morning at 3:00am. I have laundry and the fun of unpacking still to do. We also have to visit Marshall's dad today and then have dinner at my mom's house tonight. I hope all is well with everyone and hopefully I will be able to catch up with you all. :-) Sorry this is so short but I just wanted to check in and say hi! Vacation is always so much fun but it is always good to be home.

Roadtrip is going on the road! I love going on roadtrips which was where I came up with the name for my blog. Today Marshall and I are taking an insane roadtrip from North Dakota to Northern California with all three of the kiddies. Why do I say insane? Cause if I'm not insane now I for sure will be by the time we get back! lol Actually, I'm really looking forward to it. Marshall has never in his life been on a vacation......can you say workaholic? I am also looking forward to seeing and spending time with my dad. For those of you who sent me your address keep an eye out for your postcard. :-)
I'm sure I'll have lots of stuff to post when I get back! Until then have a wonderful summer and I'll see ya in two weeks.
xoxoxo

Graphic by Cute Country Side Graphics

Happy 4th of July!! We're off to my mom's annual 4th of July party. Hope you all have a wonderful day! Last night was so much fun, I'll post about it another time when I'm not so hung over! lol

Graphic by Mary's Little Lamb

My girls are home! I am soooo happy! We had a wonderful evening last night. This morning we got up early and took them for pictures with their Uncle Gilbert. It is his birthday present to our mom. Anthony wasn't too excited about pictures. We did get one with him but he didn't smile too much. An old lady was watching and she said I should knock him around a few times. lol I was almost ready to agree. Oh well, at least he didn't scream bloody murder because a stranger had to pick him up.



Speaking of which........Happy Birthday Mom!

We are all on our way to a street dance to celebrate my mom's birthday. This band will be playing, they are good friends of my moms. I haven't heard them play in a while so it will be nice to see them again. In my single, party days I used to hear them all the time at the Windbreak, but seeing as how I'm getting so darn old I never seem to go out anymore. lol We are driving this which will be nice so that when the kiddies get tired they can just go to sleep. Well, I'd better get ready to go, Marshall is starting to nag me. lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eden, I wish you much happiness today and always!
Have a wonderful day and don't forget to make a wish!
xoxoxo


Birthday Graphics from
Mary's Little Lamb

Brittany and Danielle are coming home today!!!!!!!! I am so excited I am jumping out of my skin! My aunts and uncle are still here and I must say I am enjoying their visit so much more than I imagined. I realize how much I have changed since the last time I saw them (7 years ago). Wow, I was uptight back then! lol I had so many bad memories about the drinking and partying but now that I have relaxed some I have realized how much fun they are to be around. My aunties all love to dance to Mexican music, having only one brother around leaves them dancing with each other. When I watched this 7 years ago it made me very uncomfortable but watching it now I am in awe of these beautiful strong women who have such affection for each other. The kissing and hugging is foreign to me because I am not very good at showing affection. With my kids yes and with Marshall yes but I rarely even hug my own mom. I like my distance and I don't like anyone intruding on the boundaries that I keep around me. Watching the affection between everyone makes me wonder what I have missed out on by keeping such a distance between me and others. I have never known my mom's family very well so it is a wonderful, new experience for me.

Yesterday they made tamales. Tamales are usually only made at Christmas time because there is so much work involved. My mom's oldest sister Rosalie wanted to make them for my mom because my mom doesn't know how to make them. My auntie Rosalie is a tiny little thing barely 5' tall and I'd guess she doesn't even weigh 100lbs. (Damn, why couldn't I have inherited those side of the genes? lol) but when she takes control of the kitchen you stand out of her way! The process of making tamales is a mystery to me. Making the meat to go inside took all morning and part of the afternoon. Then she made the masa. All three sisters bustled around the kitchen while my mom, my sister and I stood back in awe. Finally it was time for the hard part. Spreading the masa on the corn husks and rolling them up to be steamed. The masa wasn't cooperating and everyone was having a hard time getting it to stick to the corn husks. Finally with the help of Emma (my aunts wife) they got the masa just right and the rest of the day was spent putting the tamales together and then steaming them.

I think it was almost 9:00pm by the time the first batch was done. I am telling you, these are the best tamales I have ever had in my life! My aunt Rosalie sat back in silence drinking a beer with her face lighting up as everyone inhaled these things. Marshall has never had a tamale so everyone was waiting to see what he would think. I think he had ate four of them before he finally stopped eating long enough to tell her how incredibly good they were! By the time the night was over he had ate ten of them! My aunt Rosalie finally ate one and said that these tamales taste even better than the ones she makes at home. She explained that not only were these made with love for her sister and her family but because they were made "de mi corazón". Everything my aunts do is from their heart and I am so thankful for this time I have with them. I can't wait for my daughters to come home and share this part of their heritage with them. I am thankful and humbled to know the strong women that I am part of.

Why is it that the more I clean the more I find to clean? Why is it that I didn't inherit the neat-freak cleaning gene from my mother's side of the family?! Not only did I not inherit it but my children didn't either. I have been working on getting my house in order and all I have seemed to do is make more of a mess. I have stuff pulled out of closets, piles of clothes waiting to be sorted, boxes of stuff that needs to be thrown out. It looks as if my house has exploded. Now of course there is company in town and I have to figure out a way to get my house looking somewhat clean so that I can rush them in, show them my house, and then rush them back out to sit on the patio.

I HATE HOUSEWORK!

There I said it. I feel guilty for saying it but I think it needed to be said! lol Why do I feel so guilty? Maybe because I have a grandmother who raised 7 children in one house and you would NEVER find a speck of dust much less a junk drawer anywhere in the vicinity of her house. She would freak out if she saw my house. Dust is the least of my worries right now. When I first found these I thought all of my problems were solved. I figured that if I bought enough of them I would suddenly be more organized and my house would never be a mess. Imagine my surprise when the damn things seemed to just bring more clutter to my house! I have such a hard time throwing shit away, my sister came to help me organize the kids rooms and I know she left here pulling her hair out because for every three things she put in the garbage I pulled one thing out. I'm sorry I have an emotional attachment to my junk! As Marshall's dad would say..... "It's good junk"

So I guess I should get off of the damn computer and try to narrow down my selection of good junk. Wish me luck and if all else fails I can dim all of the lights when I give my relatives a tour of my house. hehe

Graphic by Cute Colors

Today Gilly arrives! I am so excited to see him. My mom's brother and sisters will also be arriving from California today and tomorrow. Brittany and Danielle will be home on Monday, July 2nd. They called me last night. They were here getting hamburgers, I am so jealous! When I moved to California many years ago, I was 16, that was the first meal I had. My uncle Tim took me there in his yellow Z-28. No other burger has ever tasted as good.

So far the girls have also called me from here and here on their dad's cell phone. I wish they would call me from his house becaused that damn phone is always cutting out but at least I was able to talk to them. They are both having lots of fun but are looking forward to coming home.

I get my new patio furniture today!! I am so excited. I have had it on layaway since last week which is a good thing because they are now sold out. I got the 7 piece set but I didn't get the umbrella but I can always get that later. The swingset still isn't done. Marshall has been in the shop for the last week trying to get the airconditioners in the limos to work properly. I say that in this weather nothing is going to cool. Well, I'm off to water flowers outside and get my deck ready for my furniture. Stop by and join me for margaritas later. hehe

Happy, Cosmic, Ecstatic, Alive?
Feel anyway you please. *

Whatever, Blah, Unsure, Bored?:
Feel anyway you please. *

Sad, Crushed, Blue, Depressed?
Feel anyway you please. *

Angry, Mean, Frustrated, Pissed?
Feel anyway you please. *

I think I need all of these mugs! lol
I think you do too! I hope you reconsider your blog because I am going to miss you! You have the right to feel any damn way you please! :-) Just know that I am always here for you! And damn, do you mean to tell me that I'm not the only online person you know and talk to? Talk about bursting my bubble! ROFLMAO!

My life has never been more wonderful.... I am in love with someone who loves me completely, I have three wonderful children, for the most part I am content and happy. Yet there are other aspects in my life that seem to be smothering me. Let's just say there are many issues. Some of them aren't really worth the aspirin it takes to get rid of the headaches they at times give me. Some of them need some time before I figure out how to deal with them. For the most part I know that I just need time to work it all out in my head. I am not purposely talking in riddles, I guess I just know that to vent about them right now would be counter productive to myself.

So for that reason I have decided to refrain from any bitching (damn that's so hard to do! lol) and I'll just copy Laura and Amy who got it from here. Isn't it funny how these things kinda spread? I always wanted to do the 10 things/1 false statements but by the time I thought of 9 interesting facts about myself and 1 fact that was a lie but could be true I realized how many people were doing it and it just seemed obsolete.

Anyway.......here are 7 things on my desk
(Just for the record, my desk is a mess and there are a bit more than just seven things on it right now, I could probably do a 50 things on my desk list, but I will pick out the most interesting ones. lol)
1) Harry Potter desk calendar
2) Coffee cup with fresh coffee thanks to my sweetie :-)
3) Photographs that have been or will soon be scanned
4) See'n Say toy (compliments of Anthony)
5) Winnie the Pooh Band-Aids
6) Child support papers that wrongly has me paying child support to my ex. (Still to be resolved.)
7) Stuffed alien from here

Okay, major bitch blog today. If you are reading this and it is about you I seriously suggest that you stop reading NOW! This is my place, my space and don't even think about bringing it up to me because you are lucky I am bitching here and not to your face. Yes......you know who the fuck you are!

I am so seriously pissed if a certain person gets in my face it will take all self control to not slap the shit out of them. It amazes me how certain people automatically jump to conclusions about me, about what I would or would not do. I have had it with trying to be the peacemaker in my family. Too many times I have supported certain people against my mom, my sister, my brother and in the end it all comes back to haunt me. It always amazes me how quickly people can turn and point the finger. As long as I do what makes them happy they have no problem with me, as long as I let them run all over me everything is fine. The second I speak up and go against what makes them happy they turn on me screaming and yelling......calling me a spoiled brat when they are the ones acting like children. Never in my life would I talk with such disrespect to my stepfather as this person did to my mom. Making a huge scene with phony, dramatic tears in front of my son. Slamming doors, going psychotic. Talk about pathetic!

I refuse to be made to feel as if I do not belong here, as if my family does not belong here. This was our house long before it was yours, I made the mistake of moving out but now that I am here I am here to stay. Get over it! I will not move, I will not let my children feel as if this isn't their home. This house belongs to my mom and I will live here as long as I damn well please. Call me names, point the finger. I don't really give a shit. I know what really happened, I know why and everyone else can go straight to hell. Don't fuck with me because I promise you........ you will NOT win! And that is the spoiled brat who ALWAYS gets her way speaking.

I have noticed that sometimes when there is a lot going on I have a hard time blogging. Everything with me is fine but there is just a lot going on. My mother is driving me crazy as she tries to get ready for the invasion of all of her relatives at the end of the month. I say let them rent a hotel room but no, she has to buy new beds, which means new comforters, curtains, etc. And then after she buys stuff for the guestrooms she decides that her own bedroom set isn't good enough so she has to redo that. Then she has to do redo her bathroom which means that she has to redo the two guest bathrooms. Storage closets that these people will never see are being cleaned, photographs which have always been stored in boxes for as long as I can remember must now be arranged into photo albums. I will admit that my children have been bad at leaving stuff there and I will admit that I never felt the urge to take all of their stuff to my house. My house is little and houses 5 people, her house is huge with 5 bedrooms, family room, pool room, 3 bathrooms, etc and only houses 2 people. Of course it is now urgent to get all of the kids stuff out of her house which is now sitting in the garage waiting for me to go through it and hold a garage sale. I am dreading that......I hate garage sales. What was going to be just a week of my mom's youngest sister and her girlfriend visiting has now turned into all 3 of her sisters visiting as well as my uncle and his girlfriend. I don't know any of them very well, and when I am around them I always feel very uncomfortable. They usually speak in spanish which I don't understand and talk of a past that has nothing to do with me. I know it is selfish of me but I am hoping to be there as little as possible. I know my mom is upset at my lack of excitement over their visit but I can't help it. I dread the drinking that these sort of reunions require. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I fear but I have a feeling it will be worse.

Another thing on my mind is the girls. Something is going on with their dad and I don't know if I should ask him about it or not. The girls have called me a few times and thankfully they sound happy and are having lots of fun. What worries me is that they are staying at their aunts house......with their dad.....without their stepmom. Last summer things were pretty tense there. The girls (mostly Danielle) had a miserable time and didn't relate to their stepmom very well. I know Danielle made her (the stepmom) cry a few times and things weren't so great which to me is understandable considering it was their first summer with her married to their dad and on her part she has never had children before. I figured they would all adjust to each other. So I am concerned to find out that the girls have been staying at their aunts house and from what I can understand they haven't seen their stepmom at all. I have had feelings for awhile, from things that Jorge (my ex) would tell me, that something was going on but I assumed that they would work it out. What bothered me about them staying with their aunt was that Jorge never told me so if I had needed to contact the girls I wouldn't have known where to find them. Why would he not tell me?

I decided to not worry about it, maybe after last summer Jorge just wanted time alone with the girls before they went head to head with his wife again. So when I got a call from the girls yesterday imagine my surprise to hear that they were at Disneyland with Jorge and a little girl younger than Danielle and her mom. No one else was there. Sounds like a date to me. Is it any of my concern? Hell if I know. I guess not, except for the fact that he should tell me if he has moved out of his apartment with his wife so that I know how to contact him regarding the girls. The more I thought about it though the more it pissed me off. When Jorge and I divorced I took the complete blame on my shoulders. I wanted to end the marriage and although I never cheated on Jorge while we were married, when I finally asked for a divorce and he knew that the marriage was over I did fly to Arizona to go away with a man. (long story) In my mind and in my heart I was not cheating because to me my marriage was long since over. To Jorge I had committed a horrendous thing that would never be forgiven. I have lived with that guilt for so long, I carry it with me every day. I know that the divorce was the right thing to do but hurting Jorge was unforgivable. So now the tables are turned. He is the one turning away from an unhappy marriage, he is the one who I am assuming is leaving his wife and is now with someone else. Is it wrong of me to want to hear it from him? I want so much for him to admit that he is human. He is not perfect and that what I did wasn't as bad as I was made to feel. I more than anything else want him to be happy, he deserves to find someone to share his life with, someone he can love and respect. I hope that is what he found.......and yet I want to hear him admit that sometimes in order to be happy you have to hurt those you might not want to hurt. What a strange situation to be in. As the mother to his children do I have the right to ask about his personal life? As his friend do I have the right to know? As his ex wife is it none of my business? Damn it, why do I have the feeling that there is more going on here than I know? I hate not knowing!!

We will be busy tomorrow doing daddy's day stuff but I wanted to take the time to wish a Happy Father's Day to all of the daddies in my life. My dad who I can't wait to visit soon, my stepdad who is the best grandfather in the world, John L. who will soon be my father-in-law and who has made me feel so welcome in his family, and to Marshall who is the best daddy in the world to Anthony and the girls.

I have been thinking of my dad a lot because I am so excited to visit him. We have went through a lot together and I have so many wonderful memories of things we did together. When my parents divorced I was 14 and being a typical teenage girl I fought a lot with my mom so I chose to live with my dad. We moved out to California together and the memories I have of just the two of us are some of the best memories that I think of often. We would get up early every Saturday and go out to eat breakfast. We would then spend the rest of the day at the beach, usually this one, or shopping at the swap meet. I honestly don't remember what we talked about but we would talk nonstop. I remember the night my grandmother passed away. She was in Colorado and my dad wasn't able to get there. We spent the night talking. I remember my dad crying and hugging me so tight as he tried to explain to me how important family is. He told me how special I was to him, how I have always had a special place in his heart as his first born child. At the time I thought I understood what he meant, but the meaning is even more important now that I have my own children. I wish that we lived closer and could see each other more, but I know that I am always in his heart just as he is always in mine. I love you Dad!!

Me and my dad - 1977

Just a quick post while I procrastinate for awhile. I am supposed to be getting ready to go but just can't seem to get motivated. Tonight we are going to take Anthony to the fair. I think he is going to hate it but Marshall insists that he will have fun. We are going to pick up Maria and Jeremy so at least I will have someone to ride the rides with me seeing as how Marshall get's sick just by watching the carousel go around! lol Tonight the Monkee's are playing. I kinda wanted to go but then I changed my mind. We are going to go see Poison when they play. 80's flashback time! hehe The rest of the nights it is all country music and just the thought of it makes me sick. Last time I went to the fair she was singing and just listening to her singing as we sat in the beer gardens made me ill. I am not a country music fan....can ya tell?

On Wednesday we got together with Marshall's family because it was a year to the day that Marshall's mom passed away last year. It was a sad occasion but it was nice to spend the evening with everyone and go out to eat.I always enjoy spending time with his family. We did miss Rocky and Kristy though. It amazes me how after only really knowing everyone a year they feel so much like my family now. I am so grateful for all of them and for all that they have brought to my life and to the lives of my children. I watched as Anthony was fussed over by his new aunts and how he played with his cousin Cameron and I truely believe that Vivienne somehow knows that her family is finally right again.

Let's see.....what else is new? I finally finished this. I am always paranoid about telling people I am working on another site cause I know that I am by no means a professional designer but for now the site serves its purpose and hopefully I will have more time to learn what I don't know. I feel like such a phony even saying I design websites cause I can't even do Flash. Everytime I try I get completey overwhelmed, so I just gave up trying. What in the hell is wrong with me?! Sheesh. Well, I guess I should quit rambling and start getting ready before Marshall comes home and bitches at me for not being ready.

Oh before I forget, I just wanted to say that I love the new design....and I have never thought that your blog sucked! :-) I'm sorry for not being online much. I wish I knew what was wrong with me but I just can't seem to focus on much of anything. I really do miss you! And you too! You are both always in my thoughts and I am just so happy to see how close the two of you have become! :-) But if you guys are planning a trip to Florida you'd better take me with! lol xoxo

Yesterday I was in a very bitchy mood. It has been a long week, I started my period, I have a horrible cold, it was a Monday, Marshall worked in the shop all night, need I go on? lol Anyway, on top of all that the cat decided to piss me off. This cold has been making my nose run like crazy and I used up all of the kleenex in the house. Since I was in no frame of mind to go shopping I resorted to carrying around a roll of toilet paper. I made the mistake of leaving the roll unattended and the cat decided to attack it and rip it all up to shreds. Not only did she make a huge mess but of course my nose was dripping as I had to run to the bathroom for another roll! The final straw was when she jumped on my printer knocking it offline so that she could jump onto the top of my desk so that she could knock all of my pictures off.

I yelled at my cat. I picked her up and threw her into the other room for her own safety. I sulked on the couch and thanks to Anthony I was able to lose my bad mood. After I put him to bed I wrote the girls some letters while I waited for Marshall to finally come in from the shop. As I started getting ready for bed I realized that I hadn't seen my kitty for most of the evening. I asked Marshall if he had seen her and he said no. I figured she was still pouting because I yelled at her so I went to sleep. I woke up at 6am and realized that the cat hadn't jumped on me all night. Usually she wakes me up a few times as she tries to squeeze her way between me and Marshall as we sleep. I jumped out of bed and looked for her everywhere. She was no where to be found.

I had images of my poor kitty running away because I was so mean. I made Marshall go outside and look for her. I remembered my lesson of the last time she was missing (Anthony had hid her in the dryer) and so I looked through every cupboard in the kitchen and bathroom, in the washer and dryer, in the stove, the dishwasher, the toy box, every place I could think of where he might have hidden her. I looked under every bed, called her name, went outside again, still no cat. I start thinking about what I am going to tell the girls when they come home from California and find that I lost their cat! Talk about feeling guilty!

Anthony woke up at 9am. I took him out of his crib and he walked straight to Danielle's dresser drawer and opened it. Guess who walks out? Yep! He had hid the cat in there! I was looking right by there today calling her name and she didn't make a sound. She jumps out of the drawer, stretches and heads straight for her food bowl. I have a strange cat and an even stranger son.

It has been a very busy week here, a very sad week here. I know I have told some of you about my mom's best friend Henry. He has been a very important part of her life for the last 10 years. He has been a good friend to me and to everyone in our family although he was always closest to my mom. On Thursday (the 7th) Henry passed away. He had cancer. He was 75 years old and had lived a wonderful and full life but he was so full of life that it is hard to imagine him not here. I spent most of the night on Wednesday (the 6th) with my mom at the hospital but when he finally passed away she was there alone with him. I think that is the way he would have wanted it.

This has been very hard for her and it is hard for me because I don't know what to say. Is there anything you can say that can help ease the loss of a loved one? Henry did have a son but they weren't very close although I am glad to say that his son did visit Henry a few times before he passed away. I have been helping my mom go through her photos of Henry so that I can make a photo collage to have on display for his funeral. As I go through the photos I can't help but wonder how life goes by so fast. In some pictures Henry is a smiling boy, in the next he is a young man full of life as he poses proudly in his Navy uniform in the next he is smiling cutting a wedding cake with his bride. As I go through the photos I see his life spread across my desk as I scan them and I wonder if that is all there is to life. A few photos, a few smiles, a few heart aches and then what? It is over before you even know it.

As I sit here arranging the photos I wonder who will be going through my photos? When I am gone which photos will be the ones used to remember me with? What memories will I leave behind? Sometimes I seem to get so caught up in the mundane things, cooking dinner, doing laundry, bedtimes and bathtimes, I wonder if I am actually taking the time to appreciate what life really has to offer. When my children look back what will they remember?

I hope that I never take what I have for granted. This morning we had an incredible storm. The sun is finally starting to come out. I am going to take Anthony outside so that we can splash in the puddles together. I think he will remember that more than he would remember if I got all of the laundry done today.

Henry has left my family with a wonderful gift, a gift that we will hold with us always. Whenever I watch a couple twirl gracefully across the dance floor, or take a sip of blackberry brandy, whenever I watch a bird glide through the sky or see a pair of deer nuzzle through the trees, I will think of Henry and I will be thankful for all that he has left us.

First of all I would like to thank all of you for your kind words and support during the last few days. This is always the worst time of year for me but once the girls have made it to California safe and sound I usually feel better. I did talk to them and they had a safe trip. I miss them so much but they will be home before I know it and I have a lot to keep me busy in the mean time! lol

Yesterday was completely exhausting. Me, Marshall, my stepdad, stepsister and stepbrother all gathered in the backyard at 8:00 am Okay, they were outside at 8am, I was in the shower because I refuse to spend a day working unless I shower first. Marshall thought it strange since I was going to get dirty and grimy anyway but to me that is even more reason to shower! lol Anyway, we spent the entire day doing yardwork. We did the usual things, mowed the grass, killed weeds, trimmed trees and bushes, then we moved huge piles of dirt that had been dug up from the ditch last year to the back of the shop to cover electrical boxes that should have been buried two years ago. We also moved rocks from the side of the house to build up the dirt around it so that hopefully we won't flood so often in the basement.

Then Marshall started having fun with the bobcat. He cleared out a huge section of the yard between the house and the shop because we plan to put in patio brick so that I can finally buy a patio set. I am so excited! :-) This was all done around 2:00 we then decided to go into town and pick up the bricks and swing set. We go to Menards (hardware/home store) and find this really cool wooden swingset on sale. It is the one that Jenny and I both liked so we decided to get that one. I picked out the bricks I liked (cobblestone) and my stepdad decideds that instead of buying the sand we need to fill in beneath the bricks at Menards him and Marshall would go get the dump truck and pick up a truckload of sand from a construction supply place he has an account with. He assures Jenny and myself that we would have no problem getting the bricks and swingset home in the truck that we had.

Did I mention that we had borrowed Marshall's dad's new pickup truck? We order the supplys that we needed and we were directed to go to the back yard to pick everything up. I decide to load the bricks first so we head to that section. Jenny goes to find someone to help us load up the bricks while I open the back end of the truck. I look at the cobblestone and see that one entire pallet contains 60 bricks.....we need 72. The guy comes with his forklift and looks at us like we are insane. He explains in slow english as if we are stupid that each brick weighs 50lbs. The entire load would weigh about 2 tons. There is no way in hell I was going to try to load 2 tons of brick into the back of Marshall's dad's truck! Jenny then tells the guy that we also have swingset materials to pick up. Again he looks at us like we are stupid. We tell him to load as many bricks as he thinks the truck will safely hold leaving us enough room for the swingset stuff. He loads 20 bricks. We then head to the lumber section to pick up what we need for the swingset. We find a young kid to help us figure out what in the hell it is we need. He points to a section of wood and says you need 6 of those. He puts a few in and instructs us to help load them in the truck. He then tells us to drive down further and points to another stack and says you need 12 of those. He loads up 2 other boards from a different pile. Jenny added the slide and the truck was completely full. He then says we need 21 pieces of wood from another pile and 8 4x4's among other stuff.

At this point I was hot, tired, thirsty and pissed because my stepdad just left us there to deal with it and we had no way of getting ahold of him to tell him and Marshall to come back with another truck. Jenny says I was overreacting but I don't care. I was so mad I even stole a few of her cigarettes and I called my mom to tell her that her husband was a moron. We finally got ahold of Bill and Marshall and after they dumped the sand they brought the dump truck to haul the rest of the crap. Once I got home and bitched a little more I felt better. lol We worked until late and tonight we will be setting the bricks. Wish us luck and let's hope I don't hurt anyone. hehe