Just a quick post while I procrastinate for awhile. I am supposed to be getting ready to go but just can't seem to get motivated. Tonight we are going to take Anthony to the fair. I think he is going to hate it but Marshall insists that he will have fun. We are going to pick up Maria and Jeremy so at least I will have someone to ride the rides with me seeing as how Marshall get's sick just by watching the carousel go around! lol Tonight the Monkee's are playing. I kinda wanted to go but then I changed my mind. We are going to go see Poison when they play. 80's flashback time! hehe The rest of the nights it is all country music and just the thought of it makes me sick. Last time I went to the fair she was singing and just listening to her singing as we sat in the beer gardens made me ill. I am not a country music fan....can ya tell?

On Wednesday we got together with Marshall's family because it was a year to the day that Marshall's mom passed away last year. It was a sad occasion but it was nice to spend the evening with everyone and go out to eat.I always enjoy spending time with his family. We did miss Rocky and Kristy though. It amazes me how after only really knowing everyone a year they feel so much like my family now. I am so grateful for all of them and for all that they have brought to my life and to the lives of my children. I watched as Anthony was fussed over by his new aunts and how he played with his cousin Cameron and I truely believe that Vivienne somehow knows that her family is finally right again.

Let's see.....what else is new? I finally finished this. I am always paranoid about telling people I am working on another site cause I know that I am by no means a professional designer but for now the site serves its purpose and hopefully I will have more time to learn what I don't know. I feel like such a phony even saying I design websites cause I can't even do Flash. Everytime I try I get completey overwhelmed, so I just gave up trying. What in the hell is wrong with me?! Sheesh. Well, I guess I should quit rambling and start getting ready before Marshall comes home and bitches at me for not being ready.

Oh before I forget, I just wanted to say that I love the new design....and I have never thought that your blog sucked! :-) I'm sorry for not being online much. I wish I knew what was wrong with me but I just can't seem to focus on much of anything. I really do miss you! And you too! You are both always in my thoughts and I am just so happy to see how close the two of you have become! :-) But if you guys are planning a trip to Florida you'd better take me with! lol xoxo

Yesterday I was in a very bitchy mood. It has been a long week, I started my period, I have a horrible cold, it was a Monday, Marshall worked in the shop all night, need I go on? lol Anyway, on top of all that the cat decided to piss me off. This cold has been making my nose run like crazy and I used up all of the kleenex in the house. Since I was in no frame of mind to go shopping I resorted to carrying around a roll of toilet paper. I made the mistake of leaving the roll unattended and the cat decided to attack it and rip it all up to shreds. Not only did she make a huge mess but of course my nose was dripping as I had to run to the bathroom for another roll! The final straw was when she jumped on my printer knocking it offline so that she could jump onto the top of my desk so that she could knock all of my pictures off.

I yelled at my cat. I picked her up and threw her into the other room for her own safety. I sulked on the couch and thanks to Anthony I was able to lose my bad mood. After I put him to bed I wrote the girls some letters while I waited for Marshall to finally come in from the shop. As I started getting ready for bed I realized that I hadn't seen my kitty for most of the evening. I asked Marshall if he had seen her and he said no. I figured she was still pouting because I yelled at her so I went to sleep. I woke up at 6am and realized that the cat hadn't jumped on me all night. Usually she wakes me up a few times as she tries to squeeze her way between me and Marshall as we sleep. I jumped out of bed and looked for her everywhere. She was no where to be found.

I had images of my poor kitty running away because I was so mean. I made Marshall go outside and look for her. I remembered my lesson of the last time she was missing (Anthony had hid her in the dryer) and so I looked through every cupboard in the kitchen and bathroom, in the washer and dryer, in the stove, the dishwasher, the toy box, every place I could think of where he might have hidden her. I looked under every bed, called her name, went outside again, still no cat. I start thinking about what I am going to tell the girls when they come home from California and find that I lost their cat! Talk about feeling guilty!

Anthony woke up at 9am. I took him out of his crib and he walked straight to Danielle's dresser drawer and opened it. Guess who walks out? Yep! He had hid the cat in there! I was looking right by there today calling her name and she didn't make a sound. She jumps out of the drawer, stretches and heads straight for her food bowl. I have a strange cat and an even stranger son.

It has been a very busy week here, a very sad week here. I know I have told some of you about my mom's best friend Henry. He has been a very important part of her life for the last 10 years. He has been a good friend to me and to everyone in our family although he was always closest to my mom. On Thursday (the 7th) Henry passed away. He had cancer. He was 75 years old and had lived a wonderful and full life but he was so full of life that it is hard to imagine him not here. I spent most of the night on Wednesday (the 6th) with my mom at the hospital but when he finally passed away she was there alone with him. I think that is the way he would have wanted it.

This has been very hard for her and it is hard for me because I don't know what to say. Is there anything you can say that can help ease the loss of a loved one? Henry did have a son but they weren't very close although I am glad to say that his son did visit Henry a few times before he passed away. I have been helping my mom go through her photos of Henry so that I can make a photo collage to have on display for his funeral. As I go through the photos I can't help but wonder how life goes by so fast. In some pictures Henry is a smiling boy, in the next he is a young man full of life as he poses proudly in his Navy uniform in the next he is smiling cutting a wedding cake with his bride. As I go through the photos I see his life spread across my desk as I scan them and I wonder if that is all there is to life. A few photos, a few smiles, a few heart aches and then what? It is over before you even know it.

As I sit here arranging the photos I wonder who will be going through my photos? When I am gone which photos will be the ones used to remember me with? What memories will I leave behind? Sometimes I seem to get so caught up in the mundane things, cooking dinner, doing laundry, bedtimes and bathtimes, I wonder if I am actually taking the time to appreciate what life really has to offer. When my children look back what will they remember?

I hope that I never take what I have for granted. This morning we had an incredible storm. The sun is finally starting to come out. I am going to take Anthony outside so that we can splash in the puddles together. I think he will remember that more than he would remember if I got all of the laundry done today.

Henry has left my family with a wonderful gift, a gift that we will hold with us always. Whenever I watch a couple twirl gracefully across the dance floor, or take a sip of blackberry brandy, whenever I watch a bird glide through the sky or see a pair of deer nuzzle through the trees, I will think of Henry and I will be thankful for all that he has left us.