Sunday, August 25, 2002

Good Morning! Another day and once again I have way too much to blog about! Here's a short version, I went to a movie with my sister who I haven't talked to since a big family fight right after my wedding; I talked to Jorge my ex-husband about what happened this summer while the girls were visiting; we went to the street dance with my sister, her boyfriend, my new sister and brother-in-law, and Nathan (limo driver) and his wife; the music was above and beyond awesome and we danced all night; I met one of my stepsons who I have never seen before; and we almost had an altercation with John's deceased ex-wife's brother and an angry (and extremely drunk) young girl who I guess is now my daughter-in-law. All of this in less than a day. Sometimes people who know me shake their heads at all of the weird shit that happens to me. They silently and sometimes not so silently wonder if I bring all of this drama onto myself. I really don't think I do, it just seems to find me!

So those of you who want the details here we go. I'll keep it as brief as possible! lol My sister and I went to see the YaYa movie, I'd seen it before but it was more fun watching it with her. We were supposed to meet for lunch but because I was on the phone with Jorge I ended up being late and we didn't have time. He called to talk to the girls and I had a very long talk with him first. I didn't get pissed off at him, I already vented here in my blog and to any one else that would listen for the last two weeks. I was over being mad which I think really helped.

He felt really bad that the girls seen him and his wife fighting, he finally admitted (kinda) that his wife is jealous of the girls and that he begged her not to start a fight while the girls were there but she just kept pushing at him and pushing at him and he lost it. That's no excuse to hit her, I told him that and I say that because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of that. Not from Jorge, never from Jorge, which is why this is so hard for me to understand. This is so hard for me to even talk about because he has a right to his personal life, he is no longer my husband, but you know, he was a big part of my life, we have children together, there will always be a part of me that loves him, and I will always care about him and want him to be happy. I'm happy, he deserves to be happy, but right now he is in a frame of mind where he doesn't think he deserves anything. He is beating himself up way too much, people that don't know him may think that he deserves it. But he doesn't, he deserves to be happy, he deserves to have a wife who loves him and will at least like his kids.

It felt weird giving my ex-husband advice on his marriage but damn it someone had to do it! lol What happens to him matters to me because my girls need him, they need a dad who is happy, they don't need to worry about him the way I have spent my life worrying about my dad. Unfortunately, because I was running late to meet my sister I had to cut it short at the end but I hope some of what I said reaches him.

I didn't have time to blog about it yesterday, but I was really nervous about the street dance. John's sister invited us because she knew I really wanted to see this band. The problem was that the street dance was held in a little town where John's three children live. I'm sure I blogged about it before but just in case I didn't here's the short version of things. John has three kids from his first marriage. M. who is almost 25, J. who is 21 and V. who is 16. Six years ago John's ex-wife left him and took the kids. They were married way too long and for most of their marriage had hated each other. She not only cut the kids out of his life but she refused to let anyone in his family have anything to do with the kids. There is nothing bad about her that I can say, first of all she's dead, and second of all there are always two sides to a story and I've never heard her side. Whatever happened his kids hate him. I don't even like to use that word and John because I know you will read this, I'm sorry, but it's true. V. and John write letters back and forth, she is a little more receptive because she is younger but she is going through a lot of shit right now. I can't imagine losing my mom at any age and especially not at 16! She is living with M. and his new wife.

Anyway, I knew that they would probably be there and I was a little nervous. But John's sister really wanted us to go and she said there would be a ton of people there and we might not even see them. Well, V. was home babysitting so we didn't see her but J. was working at a bar close to the dance and M. was there with his wife and his uncles from his mom's side.

John didn't try to talk to them, he stood far away from them just because he respects their feelings and wouldn't intrude on them. We stood close to the band and just danced and really had a lot of fun. They (M. and his group) were way in back next to the bar area drinking and there really were a ton of people there so they coudln't even see us. John's sister wanted me to meet J. and I have been curious to see John's kids. Just because he doesn't see them doesn't mean that they aren't important to him, he loves them very much, they are a big part of him and I just wanted to see him, I would have loved to see M. too but out of the three he is the most angry and I knew he would not appreciate my talking to him. I was very nervous about meeting J., but he was very gracious when he found out who I was. I made it very clear that I didn't want to step over any boundaries but that I wanted to tell him how sorry I was about his mom and let him know that yes his dad made mistakes by not seeing them all of these years and that what ever reasons he had to let that happen were no excuse. I told him that his dad was an adult and adults make shitty choices sometimes but that as an adult his dad had to live with the choices for the rest of his life, I didn't even want to say, your dad is different now. I didn't say that because even though it is true, I know because people tell me all the time that when John got married the first time the brother/son/friend they used to know disappeared and in the 20some years he was married he was not the person they knew but once we got together the person they knew came back, the reason I didn't tell J. any of that was because it would have sounded like I was making excuses for his dad which I would never do. He has every right to be angry at his dad and I completely respect that. Besides who wants a woman who you don't even know telling you shit about your own dad? That used to piss me off when my dad's girlfriends would pull that shit with me.

The thing is that John is the most wonderful patient person I have ever known, I love him very, very much and I hurt for him because I know he made mistakes in the past by not fighting it when his wife took the kids away, it was like he gave up on his life when she left. Spending 20 years in a marriage for the sake of the kids was another big mistake. Anyway, I'm rambling here. I just had so much I wanted to say to J. but it wasn't my place to say it. I just told him that we think about all three of them every day and that he has an entire family of aunts, uncles and cousins, and mostly his grandfather who would love to see them. I told him that if they ever went to visit their grandfather and we were there that we would leave. I just think that with their mom gone it is important for them not to feel like they don't have any family. They don't want to see their dad, that is fine. The boys are adults, they can make their own choices and when V. is an adult she will have to do the same, but their grandfather won't be around forever and that is pretty much what I told him. I also gave him my cell phone number which nobody answers but me and told him that if he or V. ever need anything just to call me. I would pick them up take them shopping, whatever they needed and I wouldn't tell their dad if they didn't want me to. I just wanted them to know that I was there for them. He promised to give the number to V. who is the one I am most concerned about. School is starting and even though M. gets child-support from John for her, from her letters it doesn't sound like she gets much money to spend.

After talking to J. we went back to dancing and having fun until this nasty young girl walked up to John and started threatening him that he better leave. I can't even repeat what she was saying because it was so vulgar. John was like, I don't even know who you are. She says "I am M.'s wife" and walked away. Well, I'm sorry, I am NOT going to leave just because someone threatened us. So we kept dancing and having fun and next thing I knew she was standing right behind us with John's ex-brother-in-law. They stood right behind us just staring, it was very childish and stupid of them and of course they were both really drunk. I think the girl thought that my sister was with John because the girl started trying to pick a fight with her and calling her names. My sister, who honestly can be a major bitch, took it in stride and was very nice to her, which of course pissed the girl off even more. They pretty much stood right behind us not doing anything until the band was over, then I'm not sure what happened. John was head to head with this guy and they were both egging each other on to throw the first punch. It was stupid and ugly and I hate shit like that. We had to drag John away from it and the cops had been watching the whole time anyway because as we were leaving they told John, "Don't worry about it, it isn't worth it"

So that was that, we got in the limo and went home. We really did have fun and I'm glad I had a chance to talk to J. I am very sorry that M.'s wife is such a bitch because I was hoping that since I came in after the fact of all the shit and so did she that somehow her and I could find a way to bridge a connection betweeen John and his kids. Well, after last night that is obviously NOT going to happen. I still don't even know why SHE was so mad, she doesn't even know John, she's only been married to M. a short time, so it was weird. That would be like me hating John's ex-wife. Why would I do that? She obviously had some anger issues to deal with that had nothing to do with last nights situation.

So that is my night in a nutshell. Yes, I know it was a very big nut but my life is nuts so what do you expect? lol

No comments:

 

Missing You Blogger Template