Well, we made it through Christmas. It wasn't easy but it helped to focus on the kids and do my best to make this a great Christmas for them. I think they all pretty much got what they wanted, Caitlyn got her dollhouse, Anthony got Rock Band, the girls both got new stereo ipod docks which they love although the might have preferred cell phones but maybe for their birthdays. Overall, it was a great Christmas...with of course the one huge fact that we all missed John like crazy, but I know he was here smiling down on us, in our hearts and minds as he is every day.

It was really nice to just have my little family here for the day although we did enjoy Christmas Eve with John's sisters and really enjoyed having Ver and Penny stop by on Christmas to visit with the kids and play a few games. It was very nice and relaxing and the one thing I really wish is that John and I would have had a smaller Christmas last year with just us and our little family so that we could have had just a bit more time together without all of the craziness of guests. But of course everything happens for a reason and I am thankful that for New Years Eve it was just us although as that day gets closer I find myself getting sadder because I realize we are getting close to the one year anniversary since he has been gone and I just don't feel ready to deal with that yet.

It has been nice having the kids home from school but I am looking forward for New Years Eve to be here and gone. A new year, a fresh start... so much has been changing and as hard as 2008 was I am hoping that 2009 will be a much better year. I have so many things that I am working on right now that it has me excited for a new year. The main one being the work I am doing on myself as I am still seeing a councilor to work through the loss of John and from pain that I still carry from my past. It has been hard so far and I am sure it will only get harder but it also feels good to feel so much of the crap being let go. I am looking forward to getting back on track with eating healthy and working out. I also look forward to this time of year to get a bit more organized and get rid of clutter that we no longer need.

So time to start making those resolutions, time to start letting go of the past and start looking toward the future. I have no idea what the next year will bring but I do know from looking not just back on 2008 but on all of the years prior to that, I am a very strong person and there isn't anything that I can't do.