I had my last counseling session of the year today. It was extremely draining and I am completely exhausted. I realize just how much pain I still have to deal with since losing John. All I want to do right now is go to bed and take a nap which I can't do, I also feel a sense of relief that I can face the pain, feel the pieces shatter and still be able to pick myself up and keep going. Although it is very hard it also tells me that I am going to be ok.

Have you ever read a book and found yourself so vested in the characters that you can't help yourself from taking a peek at the end to make sure that they have a happy ending before you put any more of your feelings on the line for them? Well that is how I am feeling right now. I wish that I could take a peek into the future just to check that it all turns out all right, if I could only know that it would be so much easier to face the pain that it is going to take to deal with grieving for John.

But of course there is no way to do that and I suppose that is ok, my happy ending can still be waiting for me, after all I have already had a happy ending with John, I just hope that the sequel to my life isn't as disappointing as most that I have watched in theaters!