Monday, July 08, 2002

I have so much to blog about, both very, very good and some very bad. I wish I would have had time to blog about all of the good before all of the other shit happened. Because even as I think about my wedding and how beautiful it was I have a hard time pushing what happened afterwards out of my mind. I will tell you now about the wedding, because that is what I really want to share with you. The rest can wait until later. Let me just say first that I am fine, the kids are fine and John and I are very happy.

The morning of the wedding I woke up early but still had so much to do. I had to finish printing off wedding programs and I still had to pack my bag for that night. I don't know if I mentioned it but John and I are taking a honeymoon in a few weeks after the girls are in California with their dad. The night of our wedding though John reserved us a really nice room at the Ramada. Anyway, I was rushing around, nervous trying not to forget anything. My dad called twice to find out where I was at, I finally had everything together and ran out the door. The sky was gray and cloudy, there was a cool breeze, which felt good because it had been unbearably hot days before. When I got to my mom's I went into the dining room where everyone was. My brother and Sandy were cutting up fruit for the fruit bowl my brother carved out of the watermelon. It was really beautiful. My brother asked me what I thought of it and I told him it was beautiful. He started acting all pissed off that after all that work I couldn’t say anything better than that. I thought he was mad that I wasn't there to help earlier and that made me mad, before I could say anything else my sister came up behind me and asked me for a hug. I turned around and standing next to my sister was Missy. I haven't seen her in 10 years. I can't even tell you how I felt, I have never been so shocked or so happy. We both hugged and cried for about 10 minutes. I couldn't stop crying. Missy has never been on an airplane, she flew all the way from Colorado for my wedding. My dad and sister paid to fly Missy here and that was my wedding gift. Isn't that incredible?? I think I mentioned before that having Sandy here was a wonderful surprise, but the one other person I really wanted next to me was Missy. Missy is my dad's little sister, she is one year older than me. I can't remember my childhood without remembering hers because we were inseparable. I never have and never will love anyone the way I love Missy.

The rest of the morning went by in a blur. We decorated tables, our band called in sick but thankfully Bill called his friend Oscar who is a DJ and he was able to set up that afternoon. All morning was spent running around trying to get everything set up outside. Speaking of outside, remember the lovely clouds I mentioned in the morning? Well, it was now afternoon and they weren’t going away! Everyone kept telling me not to worry, it wouldn't dare rain. Larry showed up and did everyone's hair and then it was about an hour before the wedding and it started raining. Thankfully Oscar's stuff was under a canopy and the beautifully decorated tables were under another canopy. Someone remembered the wedding arch that took hours to decorate the night before and put it under the canopy with the tables. From what I have heard everyone was panicking but I was completely calm. Missy and I got ready together in my mom's room and I just blocked the rest of it out. Everything other than Anthony’s screaming as Bill tried to coax him into his tuxedo! LOL

Finally my sister told me that I had to decide what to do, it wasn't going to stop raining. We decided to move the chairs from under the willow tree to under the large canopy where all of the tables were. My brothers friends, my friend Heather and Jessica's mom Kathy all scrambled in the rain running across my mom's huge yard getting soaked and wet moving the chairs from one end to the other. I was still completely calm, I didn't care about the rain as long as I was still able to get married outside. The music started and my wedding began.

My dad and I were standing in the hallway watching the wedding march begin. The rain was pouring down and two of my brother's friends, April and Leesha, stood in the rain along with Kathy, holding umbrella's up so that the wedding party could go from the house to the canopy. I really don't remember much after that point, I mean I do but it was all such a blur, only parts of it stand out in my mind. I remember walking towards the canopy with my dad as he held the umbrella over my head. I remember seeing everyone crowded under the canopy watching me walk across the lawn. As I entered the canopy I could see John standing at the other end next to the wedding arch. My family was all there waiting for me. Halfway down the aisle I saw John's dad waving at me from his wheelchair, I stopped and gave him a hug. My dad walked me the rest of the way and we hugged before I went to stand beside John. The pastor began the ceremony with a prayer and then Brittany started her solo. Oscar had a cordless microphone, which she was able to use. She sounded incredible. Halfway through her song the rain started pouring down in buckets and she just started singing louder. Everyone had tears in their eyes when she was done. The ceremony was very simple, we exchanged vows and then rings, we kissed and it was over. Not only was the ceremony over but the rain had stopped!

Since everyone was still crowded under the canopy, John and I went to greet our guests instead of having a receiving line. When I hugged his sisters they all said the same thing, the rain was there because John's mom was there. John's mom had always loved the rain, when it was raining she would open all of the windows in the house. When she passed away a few years ago, we couldn't bury her at her funeral because there was too much rain, we had to wait until later to finally bury her. It rained days up until the day of her funeral. At the time, everyone said it was her way of letting us know she was there. For it to rain on my wedding day and then suddenly stop right after the ceremony, was a very meaningful moment. John and I both know she was there with us and the rain was her way of wishing us the best.

I hate shoes, especially high heels, so shortly after the ceremony, I took off my shoes and my nylons and I spent the rest of the day in my long wedding dress with the wet grass between my toes. The reception was a lot of fun, we were able to roll out the dance floor and after we ate, we cut the cake and as everyone was enjoying the cake we took pictures and then we danced. I danced with John of course first and then with my dad and then with my brother. As it started getting dark it was time to start the fireworks. Before my brother would begin, he had to say a few words. I wish I could have wrote down all that he said. He thanked everyone for being there for my wedding, he talked about my mom's bday the day before, he talked about John's dad who was in WWII and then he talked about how proud he is to serve his country. Again everyone was in tears. I went to hug my brother and thank him for his wonderful words when Oscar began the last dance. My brother and I started dancing and the floor quickly filled up as "I'm proud to be an American" began to play. Halfway through the song, I danced with John and he held me close as everyone danced and sang together.

The fireworks began and didn't stop until long after John and I left in the limo to go to the hotel. Everyone had a wonderful day and the next few days were spent with my brother and sister, my dad, Missy and the kids. Unfortunately, Sandy got a call from her sisters during the reception and was told that her mom was in the hospital. They think she had another stroke. The day after the wedding I drove her to the airport feeling sad that we didn't have more time together. I haven't heard from her yet, but hopefully her mom is doing well.

Everything for the wedding and the days after were wonderful except for one thing. My sister. Whenever people were visiting and she wasn't the center of attention she would get mad and say something rude making everyone feel uncomfortable. She did the same thing the last time my dad was here for my brother's graduation. The last day my dad was here we all went here together, except for my sister, she refused to go. We went anyway and had fun but not as much fun as we would have had because we knew she was pissed off. Sure enough, she called my dad several times throughout the day making my dad feel bad. When we finally got home my mom was waiting and said that Maria wanted us to meet her at the bar where she had spent the afternoon drinking. I didn't go, Missy and I stood at my mom's house with my brother and the kids. But my mom, dad and John went. My sister was extremely rude to John and to my dad. They only stood about an hour because Bill was fixing dinner. My sister refused to come over to eat so we figured that was the end of that.

Unfortunately not. Shortly before we ate, my sister pulled up in her car and went into the house. She didn't talk to anyone, she refused to even look at me. She was extremely drunk and you could just tell she was looking for a fight. Unfortunately, she got one. My mom had been drinking too and they were both pushing each other's buttons. The next thing I knew, my sister hit my mom and as I scrambled to get all of my kids out of the house before they knew what was going on everyone was screaming and yelling. John stood outside calming down the kids as I went back in the house to see what I could do. At this point my dad was outside fighting with my sister and then my sister left and things calmed down somewhat. I still feel sick as I remember that day. My dad was ready to get the next flight back to California and he did fly out about 5am. Missy and I had one more day together before she had to leave but I don't think I was much fun because I was still so upset by everything that had happened. I haven't talked to my sister and at this time I don't plan on it. She had no reason to do what she did, not in front of my kids. I am very angry and hurt because no matter how much I try to keep her happy she is always jealous, always full of anger, and she is never happy unless she is causing turmoil.

I love my sister but at this point in my life I just want to concentrate on my marriage and on my children, I don't have time for her petty games. I know that before long things will be fine between her and my mom and I will probably be the bad guy because I can't so easily put it behind me.

On a happier note, I have one more week with the girls before they go to California to visit their dad for a month. We have to get all of their stuff planned and will of course be spending time with my brother who will be here for a few more days. Yesterday we took Missy to the airport. It rained all day, which had a very calming effect, and today will be spent writing "Thank You's" for all of the lovely wedding gifts we received. I hope you all had a lovely 4th of July and thank you again for all of the warm wedding wishes. :-) Hugs from the new Mrs. John Sullivan.

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