I have a busy day today, first I am off to take Britt to her last acting workshop. Today they are giving a performance which should be fun, then I get to pick up my tuxedo, hopefully it will finally be here because I have my first limo run tonight! I also have been trying to get my carpets shampooed and Jessica is stopping by to watch the kids tonight because while I am at the casino John is having his bachelor party. I'm sure I'll have lots to post tomorrow! ROFL....wanna bet he drags his sorry butt home to spend the rest of the night in the bathroom next to the toilet?! Sorry sweetie, but we both know when it comes to drinking you just can't handle it, the last time you drank was on your birthday and we both know how that went. Or did you forget? How 'bout a reminder....hmmm? ROFL Does being on the side of the road, hanging on to the rear end of the car with your head in the ditch ring any bells? How about the flashing police lights of the state trooper who pulled up behind us to see if everything was ok? Still not recalling huh? ROFLMAO I'm sure Jenny remembers since she is the one who picked us up and gave us a ride and had to explain the situation to the police officer in her pajamas! hehe Sorry honey, you know I'm only kidding, I hope you have lots and lots of fun tonight! :-)

Oh and here is my Friday Five
When was the last time you...

1. ...sent a handwritten letter? I recently sent out all of my thank you notes for all of the lovely gifts I received for my bachelorette party, does that count? Oh, and a few months ago I sent a letter to Sandy, my best friend since 8th grade who doesn't have email and lives in Wyoming.

2. ...baked something from scratch or made something by hand?I think Christmas was the last time I baked something from scratch when the kids and I baked tons of cookies, the rest of the time I am lazy and bake stuff out of a box.

3. ...camped in a tent? Wow, it's been awhile. I would guess not since '93, Brittany was only a couple of years old and Jorge (exhusband) and I went camping with my dad for Father's Day. We were in Colorado and it was one of the best Father's Days I can remember, we really should do the camping thing more often but when we go to the lakes here we stay in John's family's lake cabin so there is no need for a tent because there we have a nice comfy bed to sleep in.

4. ...volunteered your time to church, school, or community? I co-lead Danielle's Brownie troop, so I spend every other Tuesday at her school with fourteen energetic 2nd and 3rd graders. I am also always there for school parties and although I don't make it as often as I would like, I do attend occasional PTO meetings. Once in a while I am a "Monday Morning" mom, which is a group of mom's who hang out together in the gym and do whatever projects the teachers leave for us like bulletin boards, making booklets, little projects they don't have time for. I seem to spend a lot of time coloring there. It's actually quite fun. :-)

5. ...helped a stranger? Last week an older woman pulled into my driveway driving a mini van and asked if I could help her figure out her air conditioner. I showed her how to work it and she went happily on her way.

I woke up early this morning (5am) and sobbed through the last few chapters of Ya-Ya Sisterhood. I love this book! It has really made me think about things that have been at the surface of my mind that I have pushed back for years. What is it about mom's and daughters that can rip out your heart at the same time that it soothes your soul? How can you love someone and hate them at the same time? What unforgivable sins am I committing now that my daughters will hold against me for the rest of their lives, or should I say my life?

Reading this book takes me back to last summer when my mom's sisters made a visit. That was the first and only time I had spent with all of them together with me as an adult and for some strange reason I had never felt more like a child. Many nights were spent until the wee hours of the morning drinking beer as I listened to them spin the tales of the past. Listening as their spanish tumbled over their english as they took me back to the past. Watching them cry over the mental and physical abuse (dare I use that word?) that they lived through growing up in a dysfunctional family with a cold mother and an abusive father. They laughed over the memories even as the tears still ran down their face. Comparing my childhood to theirs I was blessed but how many years from now will I sit at a table with my own children sharing a beer as I cry over the sorrows of my childhood? Do we cry because the past is so terrible, or is it because no matter how terrible the past is we still yearn for our childhood. The one that we lived through and the one that never was.

I wish to share childhood memories with my own sister but she has no memory of our childhood. Was it really so bad that she blocked it out? Was it so unimportant to her that she no longer wishes to remember? I wish we could compare notes, do you remember hiding in the closet while our parents fought? Do you remember me promising to take you away from all of the fighting and drinking? Do you remember me trying to cover your face with a pillow because your snoring was so loud I couldn't hear every cruel and bitter word that was hurled between our parents and I just knew that if I missed a sentence, if I didn't hear everything going on something bad would happen. Something worse than laying on the cold floor, curled up next to my door as I heard the sound of my mom's head knocking against the thin plywood wall of the cramped trailer we lived in as dad hit her. Did you sleep so sound because you knew that the nights were for our mother's torture just as the days were for ours?

As an adult I can reason out the lashes of the belt against my body as a way for a tired, confused and hurt woman to have some control in her life. I can hear the bitter words and know they weren't really directed at me but more towards her own broken soul. As a child there was no understanding as to what I had done so horribly wrong to deserve the feel of the lash as the leather belt stung across my legs, the feel of the buckle meeting the middle of my back. My mom and I have talked about the past in guarded conversations, we have come to an understanding. We love each other more than life itself, we have shared things that I could never put down on paper, they are held secret in my heart sometimes bringing me to tears sometimes making me wish for just a moment I could be the adult, I could be the one to comfort my mom as I was never comforted. I have gone through my life holding secrets close, never wanting to deal with the pain they would cause.

As I read this book it brought them all crashing down on me as my life intertwined with Vivi's and Sidda's. My family might have been eating enchilada's instead of crawfish but the story is the same. The hurt is the same just as the joy is the same. I have realized that there are things I may never understand, questions that may never be answered. I want to go to this movie with my sister and my mom, I went to sit in the dark with tears streaming down my face as I watch my life on the screen. I want to sit next to my sister as she cries for the memories she no longer carries with her and most of all I want to sit next to my mother as she cries for the past, not for my lost childhood but rather for her own because no matter what I had to go through I know that I have a mom and a dad who love me more than anything in the world and that is more than my mom will ever be able to say. As a mom I have made mistakes, just as all mom's have made mistakes, but I hope that when the time comes, that when my own daughters are mommy's they will look back to the past with a grain of salt and know that I did the best I could as a mom and as a person. I hope the Ya-Ya blood in my veins passes down to them binding them close to me even as they wish to break away.

On my wedding day I will be surrounded by my family, the people I love the most who have the power to hurt me the most, I will be starting a new chapter in my life but I will never forget the old one. Someday I will take it out and share it with my grandchildren, I will show them the person I was and hopefully be able to live with the person I grow to be. Isn't that all any of us can ask for?

Okay, believe it or not, I really do have other things to do, but I am doing what I do best. Procrastinate. The more time I spend here the less time I have to freak out that there is only ONE WEEK left until the wedding! Okay, I am not stressing out (much), I am just going to pretend that I don't see that stupid little countdown on the side of my page and I am going to just sit here and waste what little time I have left before I am skipping down that freakin aisle! ROFLMAO <~~ I am not laughing because it is funny, but rather because I am getting a bit hysterical! Can you tell? hehe Anyways.... here are some things I just know you just can't wait to know about me!

10 Bands You've Seen Live
1. The Eagles
2. Metallica
3. Bush
4. No Doubt
5. Poison
6. REO Speedwagon
7. Van Halen
8. Styx
9. Beach Boys (do they count?)
10. The Judds (I was 14 and forced to go with my mom)

9 Things You're Looking Forward To
1. My wedding
2. My brother and dad getting here for the wedding
3. Our honeymoon
4-9 Umm...ok, I know there are supposed to be like 6 more of these things, but to be honest, I can't seem to think past the wedding! lol So, let's just skip this one for now.

8 Things You Wear Daily
1. My engagement ring
2. My diamond heart necklace from John
3. My gold bracelet from my brother
4. Mango Mandarin lotion from Bath & Body Works
5. Secret deodorant
6. Moisturizer
7. A pushup bra (hey, I've breastfed 3 children!)
8. Contact lenses

7 Things That Annoy You
1. Road construction
2. Mosquito bites
3. My stupid chair that squeaks
4. Bad hair days
5. Junk mail
6. The fact that I am always late
7. The sound of someone chewing on ice

6 Things You Touch Every Day
1. My keyboard
2. The steering wheel to my van
3. John *wicked grin*
4. The coffee pot
5. My CD changer
6. The mailbox

5 Things You Do Every Day
1. Eat dinner as a family
2. Talk to my mom
3. Take a shower
4. Play with the kids
5. Check email

4 People You'd Want to Spend More Time With or Hang out With
1. Gilly
2. Addie
3. John
4. My dad

3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. American Pie
2. Pulp Fiction
3. There's Something About Mary

2 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment
1. Eminem ~ Without Me
2. Avril Lavigne ~ Complicated

1 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With
1. John.......this had better be the right answer considering we have only 7 days to change our minds! lol

Above questions swiped from Laura who found them elsewhere

I am covered in mosquito bites! I look like I have the freakin chicken pox! Thank goodness there aren't any on my face, but my legs have been eaten alive! I am NOT doing any more yard work. I am done, no more! I haven't been online much, just working on wedding stuff. Everything is actually done. I just have to pick up my dress from the cleaners next week.......OMG, I take that back. I keep forgetting to drop off the marriage license with the pastor so that his secretary can get it ready. I was supposed to have it there last week, but I got lost trying to find the church and just gave up. I was hoping to not have to go into town today but I guess not. At least John fixed the air conditioning in the van because it is way too hot outside.

The girls are getting excited to go visit their dad, I am already dreading it. I hate when they leave, it is so quiet and the house seems so empty. He hasn't given me the exact date but I think they are leaving a week after the wedding. John and I are going on our honeymoon about a week after they leave. My mom is keeping Anthony and we are going on a roadtrip to Wisconsin. I went on a trip there once when John and I first met and I remember thinking how much he would enjoy it. I love roadtrips, we have never been on one just the two of us so I am very excited. :-)

Okay, I just had to do this, stolen from Laura. I went to Google and typed in "Lisa is" and this is what I came up with, other than of course the porno sites.....there sure are a lot of porno stars named Lisa! lol If you try your own name be sure and keep the quotes around it when you do your search.

Lisa is a loser

Lisa is part of NASA's Structure and Evolution of the Universe

Lisa is currently working on her third Forgotten Realms project

Lisa is Editor-in-Chief of eLearn

Lisa is an international non-profit organization

Lisa is likely to revolutionise the world of wealth

Lisa is not a match-making service

Lisa is perhaps currently alive

Lisa is forever smiling, Mona Lisa that is :-)

Lisa is a festival

Lisa is a valuable reference tool

I seriously could keep going with this but I think you get the point. :-) Thanks for the sweet posts regarding my earlier rant today. I feel much better. It's amazing what a perfectly cooked steak can do for you. I hope you are all having a wonderful night. I'm going to sit on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and read my new book, and yes Liz so far I really like it. (Yes, I notice the countdown and no I am not getting stressed out, well not too much anyway lol) *NiTeNiTe*

I hate this weather, it has been so damn hot and muggy, I could just scream! Everyone has been crabby today, the girls and I are driving each other nuts, only Anthony seems to be happy as he plays with his little train set. We spent the morning in the park and this little bratty kid threw sand in Anthony's eyes, NOT on accident, he just picked it up and before I could grab Anthony, he threw it right in his face. He wasn't a little kid, he was at least 4! I don't know why people can't watch their kids instead of sitting there gossiping with other mom's. The mom just acted like she didn't see anything while Anthony is crying because he can't see. Maybe I overreacted, I don't know, I didn't say anything but I'm sure she knew what I was thinking by the look I gave her. We left shortly after that and then took the girls to get their hair cut. We ran some errands for the wedding and wouldn't you know it, the damn airconditioning in the van decided to stop working. You know, I am about to marry a mechanic! Why does everyone's car seem to get fixed but mine?! Sheesh! So there I was with three kids, trying to get things done as quickly as possible which is of course impossible because every road in this freaking town is under construction! Let's just say my day was less than pleasant! I hate to say this because our summers are short enough here as it is, but I realllly wish it were snowing! Maybe I should just go visit Aimee where it is always Christmas. :-)

John came home and the first thing I said to him was, "Are you sure you want to come in here?" Not a very pleasant greeting lol but he was brave enough to come in. Poor thing. I had to rant and rave about my van not working right among other things, I swear, there are some days I think he must be insane to marry me! lol Anyway, he is now grilling us something to eat and I was told to just sit here and try to relax. It has finally cooled down a bit so we are going to eat out on the deck, hopefully my children are speaking to me now. I really have been unreasonable today, I hate this heat (did I already say that?), there are only nine days left until the wedding, my family will be here later this week, my house is a mess, I have a ton of laundry and on top of that I think I am PMSing. What a lovely day this has been.

Eden, I am speechless over your lovely wedding gift! Thank you so very, very much! Words just aren't enough to thank you for your wonderful friendship, I am so thankful to have you in my life! Thanks again and I Iove you lots and lots!

I guess we are skipping the reunion. I think if would have been fun but John is working on limo's and there is a ton of stuff I have to do here. John doesn't think he would really know anyone anyway, I guess most of the people there are distant cousins or something, and the cousins that he grew up with won't be there for different various reasons. His dad went so I hope he enjoys it. John's sister Verlee bought us all really cool shirts. They say "Proud to be an American" on the front with a really cool picture and on the sleeve they say "John L Sullivan Clan" (<~~ John's dad). We are all going to wear them when John's oldest sister and her family come for a visit this summer, about a week after the wedding. She even got one for Anthony and the girls.

Yesterday Verlee and Brittany practiced the song they are going to do at the wedding. Ver is playing the guitar and Brittany is singing. They did a wonderful job, it sounds really good. Well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I have way too much to do to be sitting here on my butt! Anyone want to come help me finish up the wedding favors? Pleeeaazzzzzze? :-)

Well, I hate to follow the crowd, but this really looks like fun so here is my very first Friday Five. Besides, I didn't get home until after midnight and I am too exhausted to come up with my own witty and original comments. We planted more flowers at my mom's house in all of her planters etc, (for the wedding of course) they look gorgeous. I am so stressed out right now, I have no idea how many people are coming to the wedding because there are some who I know are coming and those that I have no idea about and out of the two groups not very many people have sent back those stupid response cards. You know, those cute little cards that are included with the invitation and are pre-addressed and stamped. Sheesh, how freakin' hard is it to write your name, check the box and put it in a mail box?? Okay, so anyway, here is my FF...

1. Do you live in a house, an apartment or a condo? We live in a house that has been turned into a duplex.

2. Do you rent or own? We rent, the house is owned by mom and stepdad and we rent from them. (my step-sister lives in the other half, which makes for some interesting family arguments lol)

3. Does anyone else live with you? Let's see, my fiance, 3 children, 1 cat and 5 kittens, on the other part of the duplex lives my stepsister, her husband and their 3 children. Thank goodness this is a large house!

4. How many times have you moved in your life? Hmmm...I've lived in Wyoming, Colorado, California and now North Dakota... I'd say in my adult life (I couldn't count how many times I moved as a kid, my dad is an IronWorker and we moved a lot) I've moved about 7 times.

5. What are your plans for this weekend? Nothing but wedding stuff. Only 12 days left and I have way too much shit to do! Hopefully I can squeeze in a little alone time with John and go to a movie or something. Okay, so I completely forgot, this weekend is John's family reunion so I guess we will doing that on Saturday and Sunday will be spent on finishing up wedding details. Have I told you how sweet John's dad is? When this reunion was being planned he was contacted for family information to add to the family tree and he not only included me but he included all three of the kids! Isn't that sweet? I was so surprised and of course very touched. I guess that means we HAVE to get married huh? lol

I woke up this morning and the kittens were gone! I looked everywhere and couldn't find them. Finally after 15 minutes of looking I heard little tiny meows. They were coming from Anthony's room. While we were sleeping last night she moved them all into the back of Anthony's closet! Sheesh, I knew she was pissed off about me taking pictures, but I didn't know she was that pissed! ROFL

My dad sent money for the wedding which I received yesterday. Thank you very much Dad! So today I have to go pay off some of the larger amounts (like the rental place). I also have to stop by the place that is doing my flowers and change my order a bit because there has been a slight change. Michelle (stepmom) and the kids won't be able to make it. I guess Jeremy is in summer school (he is a junior I think?) and if he misses even one day he will have to repeat his last year of school. From what my dad says he has really been blowing school off and of course Michelle is determined that he is going to graduate on time. So with Jeremy not being able to make it, Michelle doesn't feel comfortable leaving him alone for two weeks. So her and the kids are staying home and my dad will fly here alone for the wedding.

I'm starting to hate that countdown on my page! I think it must be broken.......it seems to be going way too fast! Yikes.....only 2 weeks left!!

Sorry for not posting the kitty photos yesterday, I started working on new graphics and lost track of time. Mittens was so pissed at me when I took the pictures, she kept laying on top of the kittens to keep me from seeing them! I had to have Brittany hold a couple of them so I could get a few good pictures. Well, I am oh so late (yeah, what else is new?!) so I've got to run. Enjoy the pics. :-)

My cat is trying to drive me nuts! Her kitties were way in the back of the laundry room so yesterday since I was cleaning the laundry room I moved them into a warm cozy basket with plenty of room for her to feed them without squishing them. Last night as we were getting ready for bed I noticed her in my closet. She had moved them all into a very small wicker basket that I use to keep magazines in. It was empty because when we moved stuff around in our room I threw them all away. So the kitties are once again squished and now I have to keep the light in my closet off because if I turn it on Mittens gives me the evil eye! Since she's already pissed off at me, I think I might as well just piss her off more and take pictures of them! I'll post them as soon as I am done.

Hope you all had a great weekend. We had a wonderful day at the park and then went to spend some time with John's dad. He is so funny. He says he has the perfect song picked out for the wedding! Can you imagine?! lol I don't think so! hehe He says that if we can't find someone to sing it he can yodel it for us! I keep telling him that I have a song already picked out, but he of course thinks his song is better! John's sister Verlee is going to play the guitar (I'm sure she is home right now practicing, right Ver? hehe) and Brittany is going to sing the solo of this song. I don't know, out of the two which do you prefer? lol

Just stopping in to say hello before we head out. The fair was a lot of fun. I rode all of the scary rides with Brittany and Danielle and Anthony rode all of the little kiddie rides. John doesn't do rides, they make him sick. Of course the best thing about the fair is always the food. Can you believe Anthony ate an entire foot long corn dog by himself? I couldn't believe it! Of course you also have to have sno-cones, caramel apples, and funnel cakes. We played all of the games and the kids all won teddy bears. All of the kids were asleep before we even hit the interstate to head home.

I'd better get going, we're off to the park to spend a relaxing Father's Day with John and the kids. Hope you all have a great day!

Just stopping in to say hello before I head out for the day. Last night was sooooo much fun! From what I remember I crawled into bed at 4:00am. I remember thinking about posting a blog when I came home but it seemed like too much work to drag myself up from out of my cozy bed so I decided not to, or rather I fell asleep before I could. lol My sister did such a great job of putting everything together. We had food, games, gifts, etc at her house and then the limousine took us out barhopping.

We had way too much fun and at the last bar we ended up at, I was able to listen to the band that will be playing at the wedding. They were incredible, I really enjoyed listening to them and they played a great selection of songs, from classic rock style music to Pink. Brittany is going to be so excited! They sing one of her favorite songs and I was talking to the lead singer (this beautiful girl with an amazing voice) and she said Brittany could get up there and sing with them during the wedding reception. Isn't that so cool? We must have danced all night, I am so tired. I think I had one too many shots of this, but thankfully I don't get hangovers. It's a good thing too because we are taking the kids to the fair this afternoon. I'd better get running, I still have to buy Father's Day cards! I am always oh so prepared! hehe I hope you all have a great day! ~Hugs~

PS Eden and Liz, I'll email you an unedited version of my nite out as soon as I recover! lol

Has anyone else heard this cd? I saw her on Jay Leno and I really liked the song she sang (Complicated), now I keep hearing it on the radio. She kinda reminds me of Alanis. Anyway, just thought I would share. lol I am on my way to Media Play to pick it up as well as this. I figured I could use some new music for our bar hopping tonight. There are a few people going with who, I have a feeling, wouldn't enjoy Eminem. lol

If I don't get to post again before I head out tonight for my wild, bachelorette party, have a great night. I wish you all could join me, but don't worry I'll have a shot (or two) just for you. hehe

I took Brittany to her acting workshop this morning and relaxed in the park while Danielle played. Anthony was at day care because I have prepaid it and I have so much stuff to do, it's nice to have a break. Anyway, I was enjoying the sun, I slipped off my sandals and was squishing my toes in the wet sand, wet because it rained last night not because some gross kid peed in the sand! lol

Anyway, as I was waiting Danielle made a little friend with this cute little girl. We have seen her before with an older woman and I had assumed that the woman was her grandmother. The woman started talking to me and as we talked I found out that the little girl is her foster daughter, she is the foster mother to two girls the little girl in the park who is about 6, and another girl who just turned 12 who is in the same workshop as Brittany. The 12 year old has never had a birthday party in her entire life! Her birthday was last week and her foster mom is throwing her a huge birthday party tomorrow on their farm complete with hay rides for her friends. She said the girl was really excited about the whole thing until she got a call from her real mom who said she wasn't going to the party after all. I'm telling you, my heart was breaking!!!

There are some days when I think of all the things I want that I don't have or all things I want to do that we can't afford and I realize how silly all of these things are in the huge scheme of things. This woman and her husband are incredibly giving people, they do so much for the community and give so much to children who through no fault of their own have been given so little. She has had the little girl who is 6 since she was four and when she got her she couldn't even talk! The love she has for these children was so obvious to see. It's too bad there aren't more people out there like her! I am looking forward to talking to her again on Monday, I would really like to know her better.

Well, I'm off to drop Brittany off at her best friend's house for a sleepover. The fun, simple joys of summer. :-) I don't think my children realize how fortunate they are, I guess that is why they are so fortunate, because they have never known anything other than two parents and an entire family that love and adore them. My prayers are definitely with those two little girls, I just hope they are able to stay where they are for as long as possible.

I talked to my dad yesterday and he said Michelle and the kids will be able to make it to the wedding! I am so happy, I felt so bad for the kids because I know they were really looking forward to visiting. Now, let's just see if I can talk them into taking a kitty home with them. lol My dad said Katie (my new stepsister who is 9) really wants a cat but my dad is afraid Tigger (his other son, part pit bull but a big baby pup) will hurt it. I think Tigger will be fine as long as my dad is the one to introduce the kitten to him, but I can see his concern. Oh well, I'm not sure if my North Dakota small town kitties would be able to handle the big city life of California. lol

Went shopping yesterday for something new to wear to my bachelorette party tomorrow night. I found a cute pair of hip hugger jeans. I really wanted capris but I have, lets say curvy hips, and the ones that fit my hips were way too big around my legs. They looked stupid. My mom said I could have them altered but I didn't feel like going to yet another fitting! lol So today I am off to shop for shoes, I always wear tennies (when I'm not barefoot which I usually am), I have three kids, I don't have time to be chasing after them in cute little sandals! Okay, I will admit that I'm just not a big fashion person. Give me a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and I am perfectly content! I hate dressing up and my idea of style is NOT something you would find in Vogue! lol It drives my mom insane who is always dressed in the latest style and looks as if she just walked off a runway complete with perfect manicure and high heels. You should see us a shop together it is not a pretty sight! hehe

Anyway, I do want to look good for my party, my wonderful sister has put a lot of time and effort into it! She is so wonderful!! Although she has pointed out that as my maid of honor and as my personal attendant she is carrying out two wedding duties which entitles her to two "thank you" gifts. She also "casually" mentioned that she spent over $300 on my wedding gift which of course is a not so subtle hint that I had better get her something nice! lol I love my sister she is always oh so honest! hehe

And my little brother is the absolute best. I was in tears yesterday when I heard about his last conversation with my mom. He told her that if my dad didn't come through helping out with the wedding he would pay for as much as he could because according to him he has a lot of money saved up and nowhere to spend it considering he is living on his ship right now. I couldn't believe he would offer something like that, well I guess I can because he is just that way, but still. We of course won't have to take him up on his offer, but the fact that he would offer is so sweet. I am feeling so very loved right now. :-) My family is all so wonderful! sorry for the sappy stuff but I had to share. hehe

Sorry for the long post today, I am feeling very chatty due to the fact that I have had way too much caffeine! I am going to put my energy to good use and get some laundry done before I head to town. Have a great day! :-)

Good morning, I am off to take Brittany to her acting workshop. It is only an hour so it is kind of a pain in the ass to get up, get everyone ready and drive into town. Oh well, at least there is a park close by to hang out in while we wait. One of Brittany's wires on her braces came loose last night so after the class we are on our way to the orthodontist to get it fixed. I have decided to not go on any more job interviews until after the wedding. It will give me more time with the girls before they head to California to visit their dad, and I will have more time to finish up wedding stuff. Not to mention you can't really start a new job and ask for time off a month later to go on a honeymoon. We aren't going on a long honeymoon, we can't afford that, but we are going to drive up to Minneapolis and then to Wisconsin. We aren't leaving right after the wedding because my dad and Gilly will be here and I won't see them again for awhile. Gilly will be shipped out to the Middle East shortly after that for about 9 months. :-( Anyway, after everyone leaves and Jorge picks up the girls, my mom will take Anthony and John and I will enjoy a 4 day weekend. No kids, no work, no limos.........OMG what in the world will we talk about?! ROFL Have a great day and thanks Aimee for the blinkee...... I love it. :-)

Okay Eden and Liz, I got the rest of my stuff today to start working on my project. I have looked at it a few times and keep putting it aside. I think I am intimidated by this whole thing. On top of that I am just not feeling motivated to do much of anything today. The kids are playing outside and the kitties are all snoozing. What a lazy day to sit at the computer and not do much of anything. I would really enjoy it too.......if I didn't feel so damn guilty! lol

The kittens are all doing well. At first I thought there were three and then there was a fourth one and when Marshall came home he said there were five. There are two that seem to be all black, two calico cats and one black/white one. The kids were of course very excited. Anthony thought there was a mouse in there! lol

I talked to my dad tonight. He said he is sending money on Friday to help with wedding expenses. I didn't ask how much so I guess we'll wait and see. He also said that Michelle (my new stepmom) and the kids might not be able to make it out here (for the wedding). There is a new job that she can't pass up, so if she gets it he will be coming out alone. I mostly feel bad for her kids, they were really excited to visit and they both had parts in the wedding. I don't have any problem filling in their parts, I just wanted them to be a part of it too. It's kinda cool having a new little brother and sister. Oh well, I guess we'll see what happens. I am getting tired, I guess I should head to bed. :-) *Nite*

OMG...........Mittens just had her kittens!!!!!!!!!!! I think I mentioned that I thought she she might be having kittens but I was in denial so I didn't want to think about it much! lol I was sitting here checking email when I heard little tiny meows. She has them hidden in the back of the laundry room. It is dark in there so I can't see how many she had. She is keeping them close and purring like crazy, I think she is very proud of herself! :-) I'll keep you updated. :-)

Thanks for all of the positive thoughts guys! :-) I got a $25.00 tip last night plus the casino gives a package worth $15.00 plus my wages. It's going to be nice not to be broke. lol Although I did buy the kids cute little gifts from the gift shop, and then a book to read cause I was bored, and something to eat, two bottles of water because it was extremely hot and muggy, and I played and lost $10.00 worth of nickels in the slot machine..... lol let's just hope I broke even!

Working on some graphics today, wishing while we were working on the house yesterday we would have put the air conditioner in, drinking ice water, dreaming of snow and trying not to think about the million and one things I have to do before the wedding!

Well, I thought that by stalling on getting my tuxedo, it would give me a little time before I had to start driving. My mom, who knows me better than anyone had different ideas! I got fitted for a tux on Friday and should have it sometime next week. Tonight I am driving along with her to the casino to get the feel for what I have to do (and so that I don't get lost on my first trip up there! lol). I don't have to drive tonight, so I'm not nervous, but by next weekend I guess I'll be an official chauffeur! lol

We moved our bedroom around today. Wow, we have a lot of shit! Marshall is going through the DVD's because the kids have a lovely habit of watching them and not putting them away properly. He is not too happy right now. :-P I know of two little girls who won't be watching movies for awhile.

Well, I guess I've got to run. Marshall is telling me to get ready. *Nite*

My mom called me today to tell me that Brittany was driving Marshall's truck! She (my mom) was totally freaking out. Well, to be honest with you it freaked me out too, but I didn't let her know that! lol Marshall and Brittany were working in my mom's yard and while Marshall was cutting tree's he let her drive his truck from one end of the yard to the other to dump all the stuff in back. My mom thought for sure she would hit a tree, but I guess she did really good.
*~*NOTE TO MARSHALL*~* I'm glad you and Brittany are bonding and stuff, but don't encourage her to start driving already......she's only 11!! Sheesh, before you know it she will be stealing the car! lol

Tomorrow we are taking the kids to the AirSho. Anthony is going to love it. He loves airplanes. I just hope it isn't too loud for him. I hope you all are having a great weekend! ~HUGS~

Well, I've made my rounds to my favorite blogs, drank two too many cups of coffee, and have answered most of my emails. I think I'd better quit stalling and get to work getting my house clean. Having the kids home all day sure creates a lot more work! More dishes, more clothes (why do girls have to change two or three times a day?!), just more messes! I want to have it done by this weekend because I'm sure most of it will be spent at my mom's house working once again on her yard. I really don't care or think anyone will notice they way back corners of trees that need to be trimmed but can't seem to convince my mom, so it's easier just to get it done! lol

I think I need to clean my desk. I have three coffee cups sitting here and only one of them has fresh coffee. I haven't as of yet drank out of the wrong cup but as time progresses the chances of that increses! Ick. Although I can tell which cup Marshall left here, his cups have Jack Daniels written on them, mine have Winne the Pooh. LOL....that pretty much sums us up wouldn't you say?

Well, the driving yesterday went ok. Joe never did call back....he'd better not do that on the 4th because he is supposed to drive us that day! lol Anyway, Marshall didn't want me to go through a day of nerves without actually driving so we went for a drive last night after dinner. I was so nervous but it wasn't as bad as I thought. You have to take turns slower than normal but for the most part it was ok. I'm still nervous about driving in town mostly because of all the construction/detours going on right now. I would hate to end up in a place where I have to back up. That still scares the shit out of me and I refused to back it up into the shop when we got home. Next time we drive I'm going to make him sit in back so he can tell me how it feels from back there. I want to drive a little more before I go order my tuxedo and NO I will NOT wear one of those stupid hats! lol

Today is the day, I learn how to drive a limousine. Everyone keeps telling me that it isn't hard, it's just like driving a car, only bigger. I don't think they realize that that is what scares me.........the bigger part! I can just picture myself taking a turn and leaving the rear half of the car behind! Joe thinks I can learn in an hour, I think he is crazy! And of course they will expect me to back them into the shop which I don't even want to think about! Ok, I'm making myself a wreck. I think I need another cup of coffee! lol

Last night we spent another night working in my mom's yard. This damn wedding had better be the most gorgeous wedding ever! lol And oh my gosh, if it rains I am not going to be happy! All of the wedding books (yes I have bought a few isn't it pathetic?!) say that you need a backup plan for an outdoor wedding. Here's my plan: it will NOT rain! lol My mom's friend from the Windbreak offered to let us hold it there because he is going to be closed for the day. But I really don't want to have it there, besides when it rains on the 4th it usually doesn't last long. So everyone can just huddle under the canopy I am renting. lol Okay, I'm getting stressed again.

Speaking of stressed.......my dad called yesterday. (Remember the package I mentioned a few days ago?) He said, "I got your package, that movie looks funny." and then he starts talking about the weather. He never mentions the letter or list I sent or whether he is going to help out with expenses or not. I mean, I only sent him the list because he offered to help and so I wanted him to have an idea of how much this was all costing. So we have this entire conversation and he never once brings up the money thing. And I think I was too shocked to even mention it, I mean what could I say? So at the end of our converstaion he says, "How is your mom doing......I haven't talked to her in awhile.......I think I'll call her up to say hi." So I call my mom to tell her he is calling and tell her about my conversation with him as we wait for the call waiting to click. I ask her what she thinks it means that he didn't mention the letter I sent him and she says she thinks it means that he isn't going to help out, which is just what I was thinking. So we hang up (still no call from my dad) and I call my sister. I tell her the same thing I told my mom and ask her opinion and she thinks the same thing my mom and I were thinking. So she says she is going to call him and just see if he mentions it to her. (Are you confused yet? lol I think I am!) So she calls him and they talk and he brings up the letter to her?! Now why wouldn't he mention it to me? I think I am going to scream! Anyway, he says that he wants to talk to my mom to discuss the expenses because he has no idea how much weddings cost. Sheesh........ I am telling you this is the cheapest wedding ever, and he didn't help at all with my first wedding, he didn't even go to my first wedding. So my sister told him that he was getting off cheap and since she isn't going to have a wedding (her and Jeremy plan to get married alone on a cruise ship) so he should just be glad he only has one wedding to help pay for. Somedays I think maybe we should have just got married in Reno while we were there last summer! My dad still hasn't called my mom and he never gave my sister a definite answer as to if or how much he is helping so I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Marshall is selling one of his trucks to help pay for our portion of the expenses (keep your fingers crossed that it sells soon!) and hopefully I will make lots of money driving limos to cover the rest. Speaking of which, I guess I should stop stalling and get ready to go. Joe should be here in an hour or so.Wish me luck!

Well, I'm off to an early start today. I get to be tortured with another interview. This one is at a bank, I can only imagine it would be a boring job but a boring job is better than no job and MUCH better than the job I had with the "Adams Family". lol I have stayed away from jobs like this because I just don't work well with women. Give me a place with a bunch of guys and I am happy. lol I love working in truck/auto shops, the only problem with that is that people (men and women) think you don't know anything because you are a "girl". That gets kind of frustrating, I mean, most of the guys I have worked with in parts centers know less than I do but because they have a....well.....you know....people figure they know more. lol Oh well. So I'm off to the bank to try to get a job where I have to dress up everyday and I don't get dirty.

Marshall and I are also getting our marriage license today, the time is going way too fast and I have sooo much to do! I put up the little countdown thing on my blog because I thought it would be fun, I am starting to hate that clock because I am realizing how little time I really have to get everything ready. Liz and Eden, I could really use some help with something. I had a wonderful idea, okay it was wonderful at the time, but now I am just overwhelmed by the whole thing. I'll email you with details later today and hopefully one of you can help. :-) Okay, I've really got to go this time! lol Bye

Feeling somewhat better, I just went for a drive blasting my new cd, smoked a cigarette (okay 2), and drank 2 bottles of water. The kids are playing outside and Marshall is working in the yard. I'm not in the mood to make dinner (okay, I'm NEVER in the mood to make dinner, that is why Marshall usually does it) so tonight it's frozen pizza for dinner. One of the draw backs of living in the country.....no pizza delivery! :-P Hope you all have a good night. Oh, I can't find your number anywhere?! The one I have I think is an old one. Email it to me would ya?

I absolutely hate job hunting! Why is it that the first person you have to deal with is a stupid, anorexic receptionist who has no idea what her job is much less the job you are applying for but she talks to you like you are an idiot and have no business walking through the front door. At the same time I have a sneaking suspicion that if I'm not somewhat nice to the bimbo my resume will end up in the garbage next to her box of bon bon's?! Shit! I have been told by one job that I don't have enough experience and by two others that I have too much experience! What the hell? So I guess in the mean time I am going to have to start driving limos.

What really pisses me off is that I really liked my old job, I just despised most of the people I worked with. I liked my boss but in order to keep my job I had to work with his old hag of a sister who never brushed her teeth, his asshole brother-in-law and two of his nephews. The only person I liked was my boss and his dad but everyone else there hated him so I had to listen to them all bitching and complaining about him. These people are the poster board family for dysfunctional! I have never in my life seen people so @#$%*! (<-- edited for a PG audience) up!

Okay, sorry about that, I have so needed to vent about that stupid job but didn't because I was trying to just forget about the whole experience. Oh well, time to move on. I'm sure I'll find a job, today was just such a waste of time.

Well, here is my before and after photos. I couldn't get a very good before picture because there was no one here to help me this morning. Damn, I really need to invest in a web cam! lol I felt like such an idiot trying to snap my own picture! But here it is, me and my hair! hehe

BEFORE

AFTER

When I got to the salon my hair was put into a ponytail and cut off, 15 inches of hair! What an easy way to lose 10lbs! lol My hair was donated to Locks of Love through the Roger Maris Cancer Center. Larry cut my hair, he is my mom's hairdressesr. He has never done my hair before, but I think he did a great job. I don't think you can tell from the pictures but I had my hair highlighted. It looks awesome. I'll have to take a better picture in the light so that the color comes out better. I wasn't sure what Marshall would think of my hair but he says he really likes it, and Anthony said, "Mom, I reallllly like your hair cut!" Larry is going to also do my hair the day of the wedding. Usually when I get my hair cut I just sit with a magazine hoping the person cutting my hair won't talk to me. lol Today was the first time I actually enjoyed having my hair cut. Larry is hilarious and I guess he is going to go to my bachelorette party! It should be a wild night. lol Oh, and I waxed my eyebrows for the very first time........all I can say is OWWWW!!

The girls also had their piano recital tonight. They both did a great job. Before I know it Anthony will be up there playing the piano! They are all getting way too big! Well, I'd better get going. I have a ton of laundry to do and children to referee! *Nite*Nite*

Bonfire stage 1

Bonfire stage 2


Bonfire stage 2

Roasting marshmallows...the
best part!
Brittany, Danielle and their cousin Tori
We had so much fun yesterday. The graduation was fun, although there were so many people and because it was raining they were all crowded into Marshall's dad's house. Josef was adorable, I can't believe how big he is! After the party we went to my mom's house and went back to work. Bill already had one bonfire going and shortly after him and Marshall had a second one going. It was nice because there was a soft rain going at the same time which kept me from worrying that the fires would get too big. Once the fires slowed down the kids made smores and then spent the night at my mom's house to watch Harry Potter with Bill who hadn't seen it yet. Anyway, it was a nice day but now it is Monday and back to a hectic week. Today I have a few job leads to follow up on, I am getting my hair cut which has me nervous and my mom needs help cleaning limo's. Did I tell you I think I am going to drive (limousines)? I have never driven before but I could really use some extra money. I'll let you know how that goes. I am nervous about my hair because right now it is almost down to my waist and I am cutting it to my shoulders! I'll try to get a before and after photo. I have to run I am as usual running late!

Congratulations Kristy!


Graphic by Mary's Little Lamb

Today is Marshall's niece's hich school graduation open house. We are headed over there this afternoon. Lately it has been hard to get together with all of his family at one time so this will be nice. I am so happy for Kristy because I know how hard she has had to work to graduate. I am also excited to see Kristy's son Josef, he is about 10 months now, and I haven't seen him in awhile, I am sure he is huge! I will probably have to beat off his other aunts to get a chance to hold him! lol

Every time I hold him Marshall gets this look in his eye, like "please don't give her any ideas!" lol I honestly don't think I want any more kids, three is more than enough! But at the same time I don't want to do any thing final to prevent having children because I'm just not ready to completely shut the door. You know?

I just want to say that I am making this post against my free will! Marshall is making me post this because he thinks all I do is make him look bad on this site........like he really needs my help! hehe Anyway.........he wants me to make it clear that yes, he did only make a shopping list with two items on it (see my earlier post today), but I went into town and spent a few hours shopping, and I forgot one of the items. And no, I didn't forget the toilet paper! ROFLMAO

And since I am here making myself look bad, I felt like a complete idiot today! My mom and I went into town to get some stuff for the yard and we took Anthony with. He was hungry so we stopped at McDonalds to get him something to eat and my mom set his drink on the dash. I made a sharp turn and it of course spilled and spattered on my windshield. I of course say "shit" as I am trying to stay in my lane and keep the pop from running into the vents. And from the backseat Anthony yells, "Mom! Don't say that word!" Can you believe that?! I felt like an idiot, but it was funny so I apologized to him but was laughing at the same time. And my mom is of course laughing, when Anthony yells again, "It's not funny! Don't say that word!" How sad is that?! lol

Well, my mom's yard is most of the way done. Marshall insisted that the yard kept growing, it really is quite huge. I am so excited that we are going to have the wedding there, but damn there is a lot of work to do! We didn't even get to the deck. Brittany and Marshall did most of the hard work, they hauled a ton of branches that Marshall cut down from one end of the yard to the other other. We didn't do the bonfire after all Bill said that it is too dry. It is supposed to rain tomorrow so if it does we should be able to do it then. I took a few pictures today, I'll post more as the work progresses.

Click on images to see a larger photo, use your browser's back button to return.

My mom's house and backyard where we are going to have the wedding.


This is the flower garden we planted yesterday,
we are going to have the ceremony in front of it, facing the willow tree.


Brittany and Marshall worked all day getting the tree's trimmed and picking up branches.
(No, Brittany didn't really use the chain saw!)


Danielle worked really hard too, can you tell?
But of course Anthony worked the hardest of all!

Marshall is making a list of what we need to buy from Wal-Mart. He only came up with two items, guess what they were?
1. coffee
2. toilet paper
LOL........it must be a guy thing. hehe

Well, I survived it! The first day of summer vacation is finally over! lol It's such a wonderful day when you are a kid, but it is hard as a mom to keep three kids amused who aren't used to being together all day with no activities planned. Anthony and I spent the morning with my mom and our neighbor Cathy buying flowers for the flowerbeds to make the yard gorgeous for the wedding. I am so happy Cathy wanted to help, I had no idea where to start but not only did we buy a ton of flowers but we got them all planted. WooHoo!! Once they start filling out a bit I will get some pictures online. It is going to be gorgeous!! I am so excited. We still have to do all of the planters but the main flower bed where we are going to do the ceremony in front of is done. Now we just have to figure out where to set up the canopy, dance floor and find enough power to set up the band. Did I mention we are getting a band? lol........so much for my small inexpensive wedding. I just sent a letter to my dad as well as a list of what everything is costing because he was nice enough to offer to help pay for it. **Note to self - call and warn Michelle that the letter is coming so that she can be prepared to revive him in case he faints** hehe

The kids all helped us plant which was fun, now tomorrow Marshall is fixing the stairs on my mom's deck and we are trimming trees etc. Afterward we are going to have a bonfire because I promised the kids that if they worked really hard they could roast marshmallows. Well, I'd better get running. Marshall has been patiently waiting for me to join him to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. Let's hope I can stay awake for the whole thing! lol

Today was the girls' talent show. They both did a wonderful job! Brittany sang a solo of this song and Danielle did a skit she wrote with her cousin Tori. I always love this show, it is so much fun to see all of the cute stuff the kids come up with. I can't believe that tomorrow is already their last day of school!! Their awards program is in the morning. Both of the girls are receiving awards for reading and Brittany is also receiving a National Physical Fitness Award. She is really excited about that because physical education is her least favorite subject in school. Many of the kids in her class will be receiving the Presidential award.
Next year Brittany will be in 6th grade and if she keeps her grades up she will be receiving a President's Award for Educational Excellence. She has been working very hard to keep her grades up, she had straight A's this last semester. I am so proud of her! lol.....can you tell? hehe

Finally updated my archives! Sorry about that, I realize how little I have posted in the last 6 months. I enjoyed going over old posts. The girls have really changed since the last pictures I posted! As soon as I have a little more time I will post their spring pictures as well as some of Anthony, he has gotten huge! Did I tell you that he can say and recognize all of his ABC's as well as count to almost 20? I am so impressed because we have never really spent a lot of time teaching him, he just picked it up from games and Sesame Street! He is talking so much, he keeps us laughing all the time. He loves to bug his sisters. Oh and I think our cat is pregnant!! She is getting fat (she has always been very thin) and I never did get her fixed (oops) and she is sleeping and eating a lot more. I guess I should get her to a vet to find out for sure. Marshall says she is for sure having kittens but I think I want a second opinion! lol

I have really missed blogging, I have missed my online friends, I have missed playing with my website, sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just delete all of my stuff and forget about it. I have been gone for so long, I'm sure no one would notice. Well, I would notice, but that would be about it. I never meant to be offline for so long, but I still don't have permanent web access, which in a way is nice. I have much more time to spend with my family, and I don't feel guilty for not keeping up with emails because honestly there haven't been very many. When I started this blog it was for me, a way to process thoughts, and vent about daily stuff. There have been so many times that I have wanted to blog about something and couldn't because I had no way to get online, also people at work had been reading my blog and since I wanted to mostly bitch about work, I didn't feel comfortable blogging at all.

Well, I quit my job, it was pretty much unbearable, (a very long, boring story) so I am now job searching, planning a wedding, raising three children of my own - as well as dealing with future step children issues, trying to keep some romance alive with my future husband, and we are still thinking about building a house. Damn it! I think I need somewhere to vent! lol Okay, so no one is probably reading this anymore, and I'm sure most online have forgotten I was even around. I guess that is ok, I know it is here and hopefully I can continue blogging on a regular basis. So enough about that! :-)

We went to the lakes this weekend with Marshall's family. The kids had so much fun fishing and playing in the lake. Anthony refused to wear a life jacket at first but once he realized he couldn't fish without it finally gave in. The way he was running up and down the dock I thought for sure he would fall in, but surprisingly he didn't. He didn't catch any fish either, lol we had to cut the hook off of his line because he wouldn't let anyone help him cast it and the way he was swinging his pole around it was safer for all involved! hehe Brittany caught quite a few fish but they were all little so she threw them back, and Danielle didn't have the patience to sit still long enough to catch anything. They had fun with Marshall's nephews and I enjoyed visiting with his sister. It was nice to get away from all of the chaos at home. Wedding plans are going good. I have to get my dress fitted today and I also have a job lead to follow this afternoon, oh and Brittany has a play at one o'clock. I guess I should get off my ass and get moving!

If by some odd chance someone is actually reading this, have a great day and I promise I'll be around a whole lot more. I'm unemployed so what else am I going to do? hehe

Hmm, I started my last blog last Tuesday and just got around to publishing it today. Sorry about that.
Lot's going on around here. We might be building a house!? We almost bought a house but it turned out to need too much work. So this is plan "B". I'll keep you posted on how it's going

Marshall and I finally set a wedding date (did I mention that already?), we will get married on the 4th of July. Everyone keeps asking me how the planning is going. Honestly, I haven't done much. I was consumed by wedding plans for my first wedding, I want this one to be a lot more relaxed (and a lot less expensive!) Somehow, when I start to plan on paper it keeps getting out of hand. You know the, "well, we should invite them and maybe we should serve this..." blah, blah, blah. I just can't seem to get into it without it turning into this big production that I DON'T want. That is the reasoning behind the wedding on the 4th of July. Have a small wedding early on and a big party afterward with tons of fireworks, music, and twinkling lights. But then you have to add a cake, and food, and a dance floor (the wedding will be on my mom's back yard) and now we are planting flowers, and painting the deck, .... shit, maybe we should just head to Vegas? LOL

Ummm...can you belive I'm still at work? I am tired and want to go home but have to wait for some pictures to finish downloading before I can go. I am going to be completely exhausted tomorrow!

Brittany got her solo, she is so excited. At the begining of the show she is going to walk out and stand in the center of the stage and sing her solo before anyone else sings, then the rest of the school will join in. She is very excited, as of course is this very proud mommy! :-) Both my girls have solos.....I can't wait to hear them. It always amazes me because I couldn't carry a tune to save my life. The program is May 2nd, so now we've just got to find costumes. Fun :-)

I just called home. The kiddies are tucked into bed and Marshall is patiently waiting for me to get home. I usually work late on Tuesdays, the girls are busy with piano, and it's a nice time to catch up on work here and get in a few extra hours.

Took Brittany to the dentist today, (did I mention that she got braces on March 11th?), she has to get four teeth pulled on Friday (the 19th) to make room in her mouth for her teeth to adjust. I'm not sure who's more nervous, her or me?!

Sorry for not posting more often, still no internet at home. The visit with my brother went way too fast! We had so much fun! He will be home for a week or so in July and then he will be off on his 6month deployment to the middle east. I am very proud of him, but it is so hard to have him so far away. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a military wife! Sheesh, I yell at Marshall if he spends too much time in the shop at night! lol

The girls are getting ready for their spring music program. Danielle got her very first solo! She is very excited, she is singing the intro for the "Do Re Mi" song from the Sound of Music. Brittany hasn't heard if she has a solo yet, but because she has had several already, she doesn't think she will get one because some of the girls have been complaining that they've never had one. The program is music from different musicals such as Grease, Fiddler on the Roof, Annie, etc. They are both very excited.

I hope you all have a great weekend! And I can't wait to get my candles!!

My brother is coming home soon!! I am so excited, I haven't seen him since July. He is stationed in Washington on the USS Abraham Lincoln. He will be here on Sunday. He will only be here a week, which means of course that his visit will go by way too fast!

Tonight we are going to a school carnival and silent auction at the kids school. They always have good stuff at the auction. I'll let you know if I get anything good. :-) Have a great weekend!!

I can't stop listening to this CD. Last Friday was Marshall's birthday (Happy Birthday honey!) and we went out to Rick's and guess who was playing? My friend Dave's band (we used to work together before he was famous hehe), who I have always wanted to see play but had never actually seen in person. I had so much fun! They were awesome! It was also nice to run into Julia so that I had someone to dance with seeing as how Marshall was "slightly" intoxicated thanks to Brian and Gene. :-)

Oh, I had this phone call from my dad on Monday night. It went something like this...

~Dad~ How have you been? How are the kids? (Etc...)

~me~ Fine, good, getting big, (Etc...)

~Dad~ Oh, by the way, I went to Reno this weekend and Michelle (long term girlfriend) and I got married.

~me~ .........

LOL.......I'm very happy for my Dad but sheesh, he could have warned me!!

Since I am doing this at work I guess I should ask you all to visit our website: Headlights to Taillights
Thanks, now I won't feel so guilty! :-)

I doubt if anyone is still reading this, but if you are, let me apologize for just disappearing. I went into shock along with the rest of this country after 9/11. I couldn't really process what was happening and everything I did other than caring for my family seemed so trivial. Shortly after that I switched banks, which closed my account that paid for my internet. I haven't had internet since and it is driving me nuts! :-)

Right now I am doing this from work so I am trying to hurry. I am hoping to have internet again soon, until then I will try to stop in every now and then and say hi. If you need to reach me you can email me at work autoparts@nbinternet.com please send "Attn: Lisa" in the subject line. I haven't had time to catch up with my regular email, so if you have emailed me and I haven't answered I am sorry. Thank you for understanding.

I plan to open Seasons of Country and Inferno Dezigns as soon as I can. Thank you for your patience and for all of the concern you have expressed about how I am doing. I miss you all very much and I can't wait to get back! Until then I will keep you posted here. :-)

Last night I knew what I was going to blog about this morning. Major excitement about the Denver Broncos winning Monday night football and bitching about stupid shit going on in my life. I spent the morning getting the kids ready for school, getting ready for work, finding shoes and signing homework papers. In the midst of all my mundane crap thousands of people lost their lives in a way that has left me speechless and in shock all day. I have cried, I have worried for my little brother who is in the US Navy, I have been mad and scared and have tried to find the words to explain to my children the how and why of something that there is no resonable explanation to. I think I am still in shock, I know that soon it will set in and I am hoping that I will be able to grieve for my country and for the loss of the security that I have always felt living in the greatest country in the world. I am proud to be American and tomorrow as I see our flags flying at half mast I will cry for those who we have lost but I will also feel a sense of pride for my great country that will overcome this tragedy. Tonight I am praying for strength for my country, for those who serve and protect it and for those who have been touched personally by these tragic losses today. May God Bless you all and may God Bless America.

Work is fun, I really enjoy it. I am learning something new every day and it is fun to be working with Marshall again. We work so well together and of course working together is what brought us together in the first place. The kids are all adjusting very well. I am running out the door because I have to fill in today for someone who needed the day off. I won't be working many weekends but I don't mind once in awhile. I just wanted to stop in and say have a great weekend!

What a wonderful day! Let's see, I wake up to Danielle throwing up at 5:30 this morning. She managed to make it most of the way down the stairs before she got sick. I didn't want to send her to school but I didn't want to miss a day of work my first week! After we gave her a shower and got her cleaned up she laid on the couch. I feel like such a horrible mother. I can deal with every possible illness or circumstance but vomit I just can't do. I had to wake up Marshall to help me clean it up otherwise I would have been sick too. Ick. Thank goodness he loves me so much! lol After she slept until 7:30 am she decided (after I got ahold of my mom to watch her for me) that she felt well enough to go to school. I really didn't want to send her but she wanted to go and she didn't have a fever so I just sent a note to her teacher and crossed my fingers that she would be ok.

I drop Anthony off at day care and the day care woman's son wasn't feeling well. He didn't have a fever or anything so I didn't worry about it. I was at work maybe 2 hours when I got a phone call that the little boy had vomited and was breaking out in spots! Since it is easier for Marshall to leave work he went to pick up Anthony and thank goodness my mom didn't work today so that she could watch him. We still don't know what is wrong with him, she is taking him to the doctor tomorrow morning which means of course that she can't watch him. Hopefully he better soon and I hope it's not contagious. I had to find back-up day care for Anthony tomorrow.....thanks Jason. :-)

After work it is time to pickup Anthony from my mom's and take him for shots. He is behind and so has to catch up. He had four shots today, two in each arm. He was NOT happy! He kicked the poor nurse and I could barely hold him down. Next time Marshall gets to take him! I felt so bad, I wanted to cry more than he did! Poor baby. He was fine by the time we got to the car but I still feel bad. I have to take him in two more months for one more shot and then he will be done until he is four. Next time I take him for shots I'll be sure to not put a white shirt on him! Sheesh!

Brittany now tells me that she has a recycling project due tomorrow and she thought it was due next week which means nothing is done. My mom left her car in town yesterday so now I have to go pick it up, Marshall has to work on limo's all night and I have a ton of laundry to do. And how was your day?! :-)

Oh here's something cute I forgot to mention. The girl I work with most (her dad owns the company) is very sweet. I know I'm going to love working with her. She has been working with Marshall for some time now and he is the person she talks to when she is upset about whatever. He is such an easy person to talk to I completely understand and he has many female friends that use him as their sounding board. I guess if I was insecure in myself or in our relationship I would be jealous but I'm not because I know that I always come first. Besides most of my friends are guys so I guess it's a good thing I don't have a problem with it. lol

Anyway, this girl was so concerned that it was going to bother me that she talked to Marshall about it and asked him if I was going to be upset by her being friends with him. He started laughing because he knows that I am not jealous and of course reassured her that I was not going to be bothered by their friendship. He mentioned it to me at lunch and I thought it was funny but sweet. Later in the afternoon while her and I were working in the office she brought it up. She said as seriously sweet and sincere as she could be, "I just want you to know, and no offense to you, but he is just NOT my type, I mean he's just not my type." I really had to bite my lip so that I didn't laugh hysterically. It was just so funny. So when I told Marshall about it tonight he was like.......oh thanks a lot for crushing my ego.

It's okay honey.......you're still my type. hehe

First day was so incredibly fun. There are so many things to do there and I will constantly be busy which is what I need. The webpage stuff actually won't take up much time. The most time consuming part of that job will be taking the pictures and uploading them. Anyway the day was fun and I only pissed one person off today. Not to worry, I have a feeling she won't be there much longer. *evil grin*

Anthony's first day of day care went well other than the crying he did as I was walking out the door. I was very proud of myself, I didn't cry until I got to the car! Can you believe that I forgot my planner which had the day care number in it?! I remembered as soon as I got in the car but I didn't want to go back and ask for it and upset him more. So I had to go the entire day without calling! When I picked him up he was having fun and of course that made me feel much better! She said that he only cried a minute and he was great the rest of the day. I knew he would be! lol

So all in all it was a wonderful first day for both of us and now I am off to clean the kitchen, do a load of laundry and pass out due to a lack of sleep.

First day of work for me and day care for Anthony and I am a nervous wreck! I couldn't sleep worth shit last night because I kept laying there thinking of all of the shit I should have got done but didn't do. Yesterday was spent frantically cleaning the house. For some reason I just couldn't start work with my kitchen cupboards a mess, so I pulled everything out and scrubbed them from top to bottom. Still so much to do around here but I will have to get to it later. The girls just walked out the door to school and now it is my turn. Wish me luck. :-)

I am starting to feel extremely nervous at the thought of going to work. My list of inventory numbers I am supposed to go over are sitting on my desk glaring at me because I have as of yet to still pick them up. Beneath them is a little "quiz" to get me familiar with the most frequently used numbers. Last night Marshall asked me if I had looked at them yet and I blew up at him. I went on and on about how it is MY job and just because he happens to work there doesn't mean that it has anything to do with him. I think I said something like if I screw up it is a reflection on me and not on him so not to worry about it. He looks at me with this blank look on his face and says "where did THAT come from?" lol.....honestly I have no freakin clue. Thankfully he is very understanding and just gave me a hug and went about making dinner. I hate first days. I always have. Once it's over I will feel so much better.

Anthony and I went back to the daycare on Friday and he had a chance to play. We went in the late afternoon and I was able to meet some of the other mom's as they picked up their little ones. They all were really chatty and friendly with the daycare lady so that made me feel good. I am still nervous over that too. Please, please, please let Tuesday be over soon! lol

I am going to miss you! Sorry I didn't call you back the other day but I didn't know if there were "issues" you need to deal with. Ya know? I'll call in a few days when I think you are a little more settled. I got my candles yesterday! They are absolutely yummy! Anthony keeps wanting to eat the cupcakes! lol I love you and you know what? You WILL get through this! :-) I am sooo proud of you.

The visit to the daycare yesterday went well. The only problem I see is that she has a little boy who is Anthony's age and is also new. He was very aggressive. Hitting the other kids and taking away their snacks. Hopefully he is just acting out due to the new environment. I am going to meet with her again on Friday and see how he is adjusting before I put Anthony in. I am just worried that she will not be able to control this little boy. The rest of the kids are adorable, she has 4 total right now and Anthony would make five. Two of the ones she has now are full time (one of them is her own) and two are part time. She was very nice and I enjoyed visiting with her. It was interesting to watch Anthony interact with all the kids. He loves babies but he did NOT like that little boy. I was proud of him though. When that boy hit him Anthony did not hit him back but he did yell at the little boy to stop. I know he can defend himself, he has two big sisters who pick on him all the time. He never hesitates to hit them but I guess he was able to tell the difference between hitting his sisters and hitting another little kid. Hopefully Friday will go well because I start work next Tuesday.

The girls had a wonderful 1st day of school. Danielle came home and said, "Mrs. Rudolph is soooooooo cool!" lol As soon as they came home it was off to piano lessons. Brittany has been taking piano but it was Danielle's first lesson. She really liked it. They have to practice at my mom's house because we don't have a piano and it's such a pain in the ass to take them over there just to practice. Marshall's sister (Hi Verlee) might have a piano we could use with the condition that if Marshall and I split up he gets to keep it. :-) Sheesh, we're not even married and we already have to plan who gets what in the case of a divorce. hehe

I think I may have found Anthony a daycare. We are going to stop by there this afternoon so that I can talk to her some more and so that we can see how Anthony interacts with the other kids. She is very reasonable and is licensed. It is ran out of her home and she doesn't have too many kids which is nice. There is a little boy Anthony's age so hopefully he will make a new friend. I really think this will be good for him. He needs to play with kids other than his big sisters who drive him crazy. I am still very nervous about this but hopefully it will all go well.

I am also getting nervous about my new job. Did I mention that I will be working with Marshall? Except for now I have to get used to calling him John (Marshall is his middle name). He came home yesterday with a huge printout of all of the inventory numbers that I will need to know. When I started working at the truck stop I knew absolutely nothing about trucks or truck repair and now I can look at any truck and tell you what kind of filters they use for oil changes and I know more than I will ever need to know about truck tires. This can't be any harder but I am still nervous. The webpage stuff will be easy but I also will need to know how to run the front counter and find parts in the system etc. It will be fun to work with Marshall again but I did make him promise me last night that we won't talk about work too much at home. I would hate for that to be our only topic of conversation! lol

Oh, I almost forgot, I got the job. I start the Tuesday after labor day. So I guess I need to find Anthony a daycare. I am really nervous about it but at the same time excited. I think it will be good for all of us. I really need to get out of this house more, I am driving myself (and everyone around me) crazy. I miss working and of course the extra money will be nice. I am of course most worried about Anthony. He has never been in daycare, I think it will be good for him, but I will be so sad to have someone else watch my baby. He really does need to play with other kids though. He is way too attached to me and Marshall. Damn I am starting to feel guilty!

Today is the girls' first day back to school! They were so excited. It is so quiet here. All week I kept saying how I was so ready for them to go back to school but now that they are gone it is just too quiet. :-( Even Anthony is quiet, it's as if he doesn't know what to do without his big sisters. I hope they have a wonderful day today and I can't wait to hear how everything goes.


Brittany (5th grade) and Danielle (2nd grade)

They were not too thrilled with me taking their pictures this morning. We live right across the street from the school and so all of the kids can see me outside taking their pictures. Brittany was especially embarrassed when the boy she has a crush on rode by on his bike. I kept telling them that I am not the only mom taking pictures today but of course when it is your mom doing it, it is more embarrassing. Sheesh......they are lucky I didn't walk to school with them and take their pictures as they hang up their backpacks and sit at their desks! lol

What a long day yesterday turned out to be. All day shopping with three kids, lots of other moms shopping at the last minute, I still had the limo calls on my cell phone, plus it was so hot I think we were all melting. We did buy tennis shoes and found some really cute clothes here. The girls found so many clothes that they liked that I ended up buying half and putting the other half on layaway for when I get the next child support check. Hopefully it will actually arrive on time next month. We couldn't get in to get Brittany's hair done so we have to go back to the mall this afternoon. She still hasn't chickened out.

After an entire day of shopping I had to hurry back home because Danielle had to be at a pool party for her Brownie troop. At least it was nice enough for them to swim and it was nice to talk to the mom's that I only see during the school year.

Marshall came home and brought me a job application. I haven't really been looking for work but they need help in the office where he works with their web page. The web page is all set up, basically I would be adding new product photos and answering emails. There would also be bookkeeping and other stuff. I filled out the application but I doubt if I will get it because I think I asked for more than they are willing to pay. It would be nice though. I think I am really getting sick of being at home all the time. I have been really bitchy lately, maybe if I worked out of the house I would be in a better mood. My hours would be flexible and I wouldn't have to work weekends so we'll see how it goes. Having extra money is never a bad thing, especially since Christmas will be here before I even know it.

It took a few days but we are all finally dealing better with the loss of our kitty. Thanks to all of you for the kind words and emails. I am still shocked at how hard I took it. I mean, of course it is hard on kids but I was crying like a baby. We never had pets growing up so I've never dealt with this either. Part of me was saying.....get over it Lisa, it's just a cat but the other part of me wouldn't listen and just kept crying. We thought about getting another kitty but have decided that we don't want another one right now, maybe we'll think about it later.

Today is another school shopping day. We are also going to do haircuts and Brittany has decided for sure that she wants a perm. I am so nervous. I don't want her to hate it and I'm afraid she's gonna walk out of there crying. Let's just hope that it all goes well and that she loves it. There is nothing worse than starting school with hair you hate. Maybe I will talk her out of it, I'm still not sure. I'll let you know how it goes. School starts Monday.......I am feeling so unprepared!

We had a kitty funeral for Gypsy today. Marshall found a little wooden box and he wrapped her in a soft towel and put her in the box. The box was so tiny it broke my heart. We buried her in the corner of the back yard underneath a small tree. Danielle found some flowers to place on top and we all talked about our favorite memories of her. It's hard to believe how many there were because we have had her less than two weeks. But she was so cute and cuddly and had her own little personality. We all loved her and will all miss her. Hopefully the funeral will help the kids say goodbye.

Our little kitty died today. The girls both cried all afternoon. I have no idea how to deal with this. I have no idea why she died, if she was sick or maybe just too little to be away from her mom. We have never had a pet die other than a goldfish which wasn't as big of a deal. I am completely at a loss as to what to do right now. I have hugged them, talked to them, but how do you make it right? I am the mommy and I am supposed to fix things, it is a horrible feeling to not be able to fix this. The kitty is in a box in the bathroom right now, I don't know what else to do. Marshall is still at work......I hope he comes home soon. I just don't feel capable of dealing with this alone. We had named the kitty this weekend, her name was Gypsy. I never took a picture of her. Damn I feel like shit right now.

Expect lots and lots of bitching this week! lol My stepsister went on vacation leaving me to handle the limo calls during the day. I have no idea how I used to do this crap 24 hours a day - 7 days a week....hmmm.....maybe that's why I don't do it very often anymore.

Let's see, my day starts off with a driver who is 5 minutes late and within that 5 minute period I get 3 calls from different upset customers who are waiting to be picked up. Yep, it's gonna be a wonderful week. :-)

Today we took the kids here for "Pioneer Days". We had so much fun. This living museum is open year round but for two days out of the year the exhibits come to life. There are people roaming around in costumes of the pioneer era and there are many exhibits on what day to day life was like. We watched a "gun fight" in front of the saloon (this made Anthony scream) and the girls were involved in a melodrama which lead to their train being held up, they also were able to put on old dresses and hats and we took pictures of them sitting in an antique car. We had ice cream in the old creamery, bought candy at the drugstore and the kids and I tried rommegrøt and lefse for the first time. No one was too impressed with the lefse but Brittany and Anthony liked the rommegrøt but I can guarantee you that even if they would have had this to try no one would have tasted it. Marshall's sister was laughing at us, she says if they can eat taco's we should be able to eat lefse.

The coolest part is that we saw Marshall's dad's picture at the law enforcement museum. Marshall's dad was acting chief of police in Moorhead for many years. He was very young in the picture and very handsome. We went to his house after we left and he was surprised to hear that his picture was up. I wish we could take him to see it but it would be way too much walking for him and when we suggested he use a wheelchair he pretended not to hear us. We walked all day, in and out of all of the different buildings, there was so much to see and we probably only saw half of it. Definitely a fun day, the kids are excited to go again next year.

The girls and I went powershopping yesterday. We bought all of their school supplies at Wal-mart. Wow......talk about a madhouse! I guess I'm not the only one who waits until the last minute. We ran into the school secretary and found out that there was a last minute change on Friday and that all of the teachers had been switched around. Brittany had been celebrating last fall that she wouldn't have to have the normal (and rumored mean) 5th grade teacher. I wish I could have had a picture of her face when she was told that she would have this teacher after all. Her poor little face dropped but she smiled bravely at the secretary and just nodded her head. It was so funny. So after stocking up on glitter pencils, stacks of paper, boxes of markers, crayons, glue, glue sticks, gel pens, new backpacks and cute little plaid covered notebooks and pencil boxes we decided to shop for clothes.

Not fun. My girls drive me crazy now, I can't imagine when they are teenagers. We glanced at Wal-mart....but their clothes suck. The only thing we found was a cute sweater for Brittany. So we moved on. Brittany has been reading this magazine all summer and has it in her head already what she wants to buy. Amazingly we found her dream outfit for the first day of school. It starts off with a pair of boots.......I still can't believe I let her buy them! LOL.....I think she was shocked that I let her buy them. At first I almost said no, but then I figured that it's her feet. If she want's to wear them why not? They aren't any worse then some of the shoes I used to wear. So to go with the boots she found this really cute red plaid mini-skirt. I just love plaid skirts, they are so adorable. Danielle got one too with this cute black vest.

So we found a few really cute outfits but of course we are not done. We're gonna have to go back and brave the crowds next week. After all of our shopping we picked up two pepperoni pizza's and brought them home to our guys and ate pizza while we showed off all of our purchases. Marshall of course has to go on and on about how the news said that it cost $40 to send a child to school with school supplies so he's going to complain to the news because they were wrong because I spent way more than that. And then he has to go on and on about how his school supplies were old pencils, a used ruler and eraser, and paper. Then of course comes the story about walking miles to school up-hill through blizzards both ways. He had the girls giggling because he was being so funny. Later he just thanked me for not making him go shopping with us. lol

My thoughts for the last few days have been with a close friend of mine who is going through a lot of shit. I am worried about her and I hope she knows that although it may not seem like it right now, everything will be all right. Her marriage is falling apart and as I talk to her and read her blog I keep remembering when I went through the same sort of crap. Regardless if you are the one leaving a marriage or whether you are the one "being left", when there are children involved divorce sucks.

It's been about 5 years now since I left Jorge. I really have no idea of the exact date because in my mind everything was in such a haze that I have a hard time remembering exactly how it all happened. All I remember is that I desperately needed out of my marriage. I felt as if I was drowning and the more I tried to breathe the harder it was to stay afloat. There is nothing that he did wrong, nothing wrong with him, I in fact still care about him very much. I just didn't love him any more. So I packed up my girls and we left. I was accused of being selfish, of only thinking of myself and not my family. I have felt so much guilt for what I did but NEVER have I had any regrets as to how everything turned out.

How can a person live if they don't feel alive? How could I have been a good mom if I lived a life of misery just to keep us "together". I believe in my heart that if I would have stood in my marriage we would have ended up hating each other. So I did what was best for me, I left. Yes that may seem selfish but I guess I'm the one who has to live with that. What I do know is that Jorge did get on with his life. He remarried and may again be divorced soon. We haven't talked about it much but I do get the sense that he realizes why I did what I did, and I think maybe that is why he refuses to settle for a marriage that isn't making him happy just for the sake of not hurting someone. He is now doing what he has to do to make himself happy and I hope with all my heart that he finds it. Because in my heart I only wish him the best because he deserves the best, and he deserved more than to have a wife who didn't love him with all her heart but only stood with him for the sake of the kids. I know that my children are better off, they are happy and well adjusted. There is no tension at home, they see their mom is happy and they love Marshall almost as much as they love their own dad who they visit as often as they can. Jorge and I have remained friends and are in fact closer than I think we were when we were married. I may not have loved him as a wife should but I do love him as my friend and I always will.

As I write this I feel as if I am in a way trying to justify what I did. I think it is because as I hear my friend's pain and anguish over her marriage failing I am feeling guilty because I know that I caused that sort of pain to someone else. She doesn't understand why her husband would leave and as much as I am there for her and wish that I could take her pain away, I can still remember my own desperation to get out of my marriage no matter how much Jorge begged me not to go. Her anger towards him has opened me up to the anger Jorge must have felt towads me. Because he is a guy he had to "hold it together" but I know that his pain was no less then hers. She talks about her life falling apart through no fault of her own and I know Jorge felt the same way. Many of the words she has used were in fact used by Jorge towards me. It really isn't fair that one person can completely change the course of your life. It isn't fair that I could just decide to be a single mom while she doesn't have a choice in the matter.

What I do know is that as hard as this is for her she will be ok. She is strong and she will one day look back and see how far she has come. Her life is now open to many possiblities that weren't there before. I know that at this moment that probably isn't much comfort to her but I have been there in a way. I know that live goes on and when you least expect it happiness and yes even love can find you. Right now maybe that's not enough.....maybe instead of talking to me she should be talking to Jorge.

Damn server has been down almost all day today, it is really starting to piss me off. I think it's time to find a new server. Any suggestions?

I knew school was starting really soon, and I knew that I had to register the girls just about any day. I knew the school calendar and the school supply list was somewhere close by......I just couldn't remember where! lol Thank goodness I found it yesterday because guess when I have to register the girls?? Yep.....today. So I'm off to get them registered and then I am off to get the last of their school supplies. Every year these lists get longer and longer. I always remember having to take a box of kleenex to school when I was a kid....this year we are up to THREE boxes of kleenex per child! They are going to need a seperate backpack just to carry the kleenex! lol

School starts August 27th, which means I have less than two weeks to get haircuts, buy clothes and shoes, and finish getting school supplies. Oh and Brittany wants a perm in her hair! I don't know if I should talk her out of it or just let her do it. She wants to highlight her hair too! I've already said no to that one. When did she grow up so quickly?! I am so not ready for this! She is only going into 5th grade this year, can you imagine when she gets to junior high?! lol

I just LOVE Sesame Street! I am just sitting her ROFLMAO at how cute Anthony is. He is in the livingroom singing the alphabet at the top of his lungs with Elmo. His pronunciations are sooo cute. When I try to do the alphabet with him he refuses, he looks at me like I have completely lost my mind, but for some reason when they are singing it on Sesame Street it is ok. He gets embarrassed so easy, if I went in there right now and tried to watch it with him he would quit singing. So I have to sit here in the other room pretending I don't hear how cute he is.

Have you seen Marshall's picture? If you haven't this story isn't as cute. You see, he is this big, tough, biker dude who literally scares people just by looking at them. He looks mean and if he doens't like you (which is 90% of the population) he is mean. So this morning my mean biker guy gets up early before going to work, makes a tiny bottle of milk for our new baby kitty, and feeds her so that I could sleep in. AAwwww.......isn't that so sweet? :-) I know of so many guys who wouldn't do that with a real baby much less a kitten. Now if you should read this and you know Marshall.......sssshhhhhh.....don't say anything! I'm not supposed to let people know how wonderful he is! hehe

So yesterday when I was bored out of mind I took the quiz to find out my top spot to live. I knew I was a small town girl but damn this is really bad! lol Here are my choices (keep in mind that I already live in Fargo, North Dakota!):

Hancock/Houghton, Michigan
New York Mills, Minnesota
Spearfish, South Dakota
Petoskey, Michigan
Spencer, Iowa
Lanesboro, Minnesota

New York Mills is only like 80 miles from here. I might just have to drive up there and see why it would be a top spot for me. lol

Nothing to post today. I swear some days I just have too much to blog about and then there are days like today where if I posted what was actually going on around here you would be bored to tears. So I will spare you the agony and just skip all the mundane details of my life today.