Well, as if things weren't going bad as it was my computer decided to take a crap at the end of February and so I have been disconnected in many ways. I have missed the outlet of being able to write here and get my thoughts down. I have missed having a way to vent or feel as if there were someone out there who maybe can understand what I am going through. Quite a bit has happened in the last few months and I don't have time to write about it all but I will soon, the main thing is that I miss John more and more every day but life goes on and so do I. The kids need me to be strong and so I am doing my best. Mother's Day was hard and I am dreading Father's Day but with each day I will just keep going. It is still hard to believe that he is really gone, I keep expecting him to walk through the door and give me a hug and kiss. I wake up in the mornings and expect to feel him next to me and it takes a few moments to realize that he is really gone. The kids are also still working through their loss, the don't talk about it much but some days (like yesterday) Caitlyn will just get very sad and just sit there missing her dad. We talk about him often and I hope that in doing so I will keep his memory alive for her. It is so hard to imagine a day when she no longer remembers her daddy. He loved her so much and I want her to always remember that although it is hard to see little girls with their daddy's and know that Caitlyn will never have that. But, I can't dwell on thoughts like that or else I wouldn't be able to function so I will just do my best to keep my spirits up and be thankful for all of the wonderful memories and thankful for all of the support that we have received from friends and family.