First of all I would like to thank all of you for your kind words and support during the last few days. This is always the worst time of year for me but once the girls have made it to California safe and sound I usually feel better. I did talk to them and they had a safe trip. I miss them so much but they will be home before I know it and I have a lot to keep me busy in the mean time! lol

Yesterday was completely exhausting. Me, Marshall, my stepdad, stepsister and stepbrother all gathered in the backyard at 8:00 am Okay, they were outside at 8am, I was in the shower because I refuse to spend a day working unless I shower first. Marshall thought it strange since I was going to get dirty and grimy anyway but to me that is even more reason to shower! lol Anyway, we spent the entire day doing yardwork. We did the usual things, mowed the grass, killed weeds, trimmed trees and bushes, then we moved huge piles of dirt that had been dug up from the ditch last year to the back of the shop to cover electrical boxes that should have been buried two years ago. We also moved rocks from the side of the house to build up the dirt around it so that hopefully we won't flood so often in the basement.

Then Marshall started having fun with the bobcat. He cleared out a huge section of the yard between the house and the shop because we plan to put in patio brick so that I can finally buy a patio set. I am so excited! :-) This was all done around 2:00 we then decided to go into town and pick up the bricks and swing set. We go to Menards (hardware/home store) and find this really cool wooden swingset on sale. It is the one that Jenny and I both liked so we decided to get that one. I picked out the bricks I liked (cobblestone) and my stepdad decideds that instead of buying the sand we need to fill in beneath the bricks at Menards him and Marshall would go get the dump truck and pick up a truckload of sand from a construction supply place he has an account with. He assures Jenny and myself that we would have no problem getting the bricks and swingset home in the truck that we had.

Did I mention that we had borrowed Marshall's dad's new pickup truck? We order the supplys that we needed and we were directed to go to the back yard to pick everything up. I decide to load the bricks first so we head to that section. Jenny goes to find someone to help us load up the bricks while I open the back end of the truck. I look at the cobblestone and see that one entire pallet contains 60 bricks.....we need 72. The guy comes with his forklift and looks at us like we are insane. He explains in slow english as if we are stupid that each brick weighs 50lbs. The entire load would weigh about 2 tons. There is no way in hell I was going to try to load 2 tons of brick into the back of Marshall's dad's truck! Jenny then tells the guy that we also have swingset materials to pick up. Again he looks at us like we are stupid. We tell him to load as many bricks as he thinks the truck will safely hold leaving us enough room for the swingset stuff. He loads 20 bricks. We then head to the lumber section to pick up what we need for the swingset. We find a young kid to help us figure out what in the hell it is we need. He points to a section of wood and says you need 6 of those. He puts a few in and instructs us to help load them in the truck. He then tells us to drive down further and points to another stack and says you need 12 of those. He loads up 2 other boards from a different pile. Jenny added the slide and the truck was completely full. He then says we need 21 pieces of wood from another pile and 8 4x4's among other stuff.

At this point I was hot, tired, thirsty and pissed because my stepdad just left us there to deal with it and we had no way of getting ahold of him to tell him and Marshall to come back with another truck. Jenny says I was overreacting but I don't care. I was so mad I even stole a few of her cigarettes and I called my mom to tell her that her husband was a moron. We finally got ahold of Bill and Marshall and after they dumped the sand they brought the dump truck to haul the rest of the crap. Once I got home and bitched a little more I felt better. lol We worked until late and tonight we will be setting the bricks. Wish us luck and let's hope I don't hurt anyone. hehe

The girls are gone. Their dad picked them up today. They will be spending a month with him in California. The house is empty and quiet. This is always the worst day for me. I see a pair of Danielle's shoes thrown in the corner, Brittany's lip gloss is sitting on the kitchen counter, the juice they forgot to drink left by the sink, Danielle's hula hoop is in the livingroom from when she gave her dad a demonstration before they left and Brittany's jacket that she forgot is hanging on a chair. I am never prepared for them to leave. I wash all of their laundry, pack their bags, buy them stuff they need for the trip, buy them stuff to keep them busy for the airplane ride, give them lectures about wearing seat belts, being nice to their step mom, not eating too much junk food or drinking too much soda. No matter how much I mentally prepare for them to leave, when they give me their last hug and kiss goodbye, I fall apart inside. At least now I have Marshall and Anthony to keep me company. In the beginning it was just me, saying goodbye as I went home alone to any empty apartment. I know that they will have fun but today that doesn't matter much. Right now I just want them home. Marshall and Anthony are sleeping and it is so quiet I think I am going to scream. The tears won't stop and I feel so alone. I know that they will be back soon but right now I think I am just going to cry because I miss them so much and I hate when they are not home. What in the hell am I going to do when the grow up and go to college?!

Here are some pictures we took on Thursday on the last day of school. My stepsister Jenny treated Brittany, Danielle, Tori (Jenny's daughter) and Brittany's best friend Abby to a wonderful day.

First we picked them up in a limo, one of the perks of having a family owned limousine business. :-)

Danielle, Tori, Abby and Brittany

Then we took them to play minature golf

Abby and BrittanyTori and Danielle

Then we took them to a new place called "Clay Your Way". It is a studio where you can paint your own pottery. We had never been there before and we all had a lot of fun!

Brittany and Abby

Danielle and Tori

When we were done we met Marshall, Anthony, my mom and stepdad and the rest of Jenny's family here to eat dinner. The girls had a lot of fun. We spent Friday morning packing and then we picked up my sister and we spent the afternoon with her and Jeremy. We went back to "Clay Your Way" and painted more stuff. You have to keep your stuff there for 7 days so that they can glaze and fire them. I can't wait to see how they turned out! Well, I'd better get to bed. We are all doing yard work tomorrow in preperation for the kids new swingset/playarea. Marshall, my stepdad and my stepbrother are going to build the swingset. I am slightly nervous about it....we don't call my stepdad the "Handyman from Hell" for nothing! lol I'll keep you posted. :-)

Updated 06/02/01 - I had to post this picture from the talent show. The digital camera didn't take great photos in the gym cause it's so dark in there so the quality isn't the best but I still had to share. :-)

The Hula Hoop Girls
Emily, Tori and Danielle

It has been a zoo here! I have been running around like crazy trying to get everything ready for the girls to leave. I only have 2 more days left before they go visit their dad for a month! I am already missing them! :-( I am waiting for them to get out of school (today is their last day) because my stepsister and I are going to take the girls plus Brittany's best friend into town and have some fun. We will meet up with everyone else later tonight for dinner here.

I am always a proud momma but I really have to brag today! :-) hehe Yesterday was the girls talent show and both of my girls did an incredible job. Brittany did a dance/lip sync to The Animal Song with two girls from her class and they did very well. This year though Danielle, her cousin Tori and their friend Emily stole the show!!! The girls put together a hula hoop act to a song from this movie and they were incredible. All three of them hula hooped together and none of them dropped their hoop! Everyone was screaming and clapping. They were so cute!

Brittany was also scheduled to sing a solo of this song but they ran out of time for about 10 acts so they had to postpone them until this morning before the awards ceremony. I really have no clue where she gets it from but my daughter has this incredible voice. She blows me away everytime she sings. As she got up to sing I heard someone behind me comment about what a wonderful voice she has. She was of course incredible although I could tell on her face that she thought she had made a mistake. She is so hard on herself. I was in a trance watching her, I'm always afraid to look away just in case she should need to look at me. When she was younger she would do that when she was singing so that she wouldn't be nervous. I didn't notice but my stepsister noticed that Brittany had brought the music teacher as well as a few parents to tears. lol....okay I'm almost done bragging! hehe The girls each got awards for earning the state reading certificate and Brittany got an award for winning first place in a North Dakota Council on the Arts poster drawing contest. Poor Brittany was a little upset because she has always wanted to win an award for perfect attendance. She came so close.......she only missed half a day the day we took Gilly to the airport when he left for boot camp. I have never in my life even came close to perfect attendance! Marshall thinks they should still give it to her! lol Okay, done bragging...........for now! hehe *S*

No I haven't fallen off of the planet. I think I must have been in shock for a few days after the fire and when I finally snapped out of it I realized that I had slightly over a week before my daughters leave to spend a month with their dad in California. Jorge will be picking them up on June 2nd and they will be gone until July 2nd. This last week is always the hardest because I know I am going to miss them but at the same time I seriously need a break. They are of course really excited to go visit. Jorge is going to take them to Disneyland and they will also get to visit the new California Adventure park. I hope this visit goes better than last summer. Last summer was their second visit with their new stepmom and it did not go well. Hopefully this year will be better.

We had a very busy weekend. Here's a quick recap.

Friday: We spent Friday once again cleaning up a flooded basmenet. This time the sump pump went out. Not fun. We bought a new sumppump and spent the evening cleaning up water and wet rugs. Marshall of course has to mention that last Friday was the fire, this Friday was a flood, we are both concerned about what next Friday will bring. I'm betting for a tornado. lol

Saturday: Saturday was a busy day. We spent the day painting the livingroom and getting stuff done around the house. We put the kids to work even though I think I might have heard mumblings about child labor laws. To reward our hard work Marshall made dinner. Barbequed ribs and porkchops with this. If you haven't tried this you really should. It is so good!! Even Danielle loved it and she is picky. We then loaded the kids up into the car and headed into town. We drove by the cemetary where Marshall's two infant sons are buried. They are both from his first marriage. It is always hard for Marshall to visit but I am glad he still takes the time to stop there. After we spent some time there we took the kids to the park to play and then we went here for ice cream. We came back home and the kids played with their cousins outside until it was time to go to bed. Danielle talked me into letting her cousin Tori sleepover and we all watched movies until 1:00am.

Sunday: Sunday was a relaxing day. We didn't do much but my mom did watch Anthony so that we could take the girls to see this. What a fun movie. I can't remember laughing so hard at a kids movie.

Monday: Happy Memorial Day! Since this will be the last entire we spend all together before the girls leave we wanted to make sure it was fun. We took the kids to the Red River Zoo, it's not a large zoo but we had a lot of fun. The kids fed the animals and we put them on the carousel. Anthony was not impressed! He hung onto me for dear life and was more than happy to get off. He did enjoy watching from the sidelines when the girls went for a second ride. lol After the zoo we went out to eat at one of our favorite Chinese restaurant and then we came home and watched tv.

When I actually write down what we did this weekend it doesn't sound too exciting hehe but that is OK with me! After all of the excitement of last weekend I will settle for quiet and relaxing! I hope you all had a fun and safe weekend!

Thank you to everyone for their concern over our mishap. :-) Friday was a very strange day, it all kind of happened in a blur. I do remember having two (or was it three? lol) VERY stiff Jack 'n Cokes at Buffalo Wild Wings. Believe me I needed them, I was a nervous wreck!! We didn't even attempt to clean up until Saturday. Instead on Friday we took the kids to the park and just enjoyed a wonderful evening being thankful that the fire wasn't worse than it could have been. This whole mess has prompted major cleaning around here. I have this strange urge to paint, clean, scrub everything in sight. I am washing quite a bit of laundry because just about everything seems to smell like smoke esp. in the kids room because my desk is right next to their room. I couldn't bring myself to clean up my office area so Marshall did it for me. The weird thing about the fire is that the wax from the candle seemed to have exploded everywhere. There is wax splattered on the walls, ceiling, and all over the floor. Not just dripped wax but splotches of wax every where as if the candle exploded. The candle had coffee beans on it and we have found coffee beans wedged in weird places as if they were flung there by force. We really can't explain it but are just thankful that it wasn't worse than it was. Thank you again for all of your kind thoughts, they really helped to make a horrible day much better. Before I forget: here are the before and after photos of my poor desk.

BEFORE

AFTER

One of the first things Marshall did when he moved in with us was get a fire extinguisher. He mounted it next to the stove. My response?

I was HIGHLY insulted. Good grief....was my cooking THAT bad? Sheesh

I relegated the extinguisher to the broom closet and forget all about it.

Last night I stood up late. I couldn't sleep. I was up playing here. About 2:00am I decided I should get to bed. I turned off all the lights and laid down next to Marshall thankful that it was a cool breezy night. I had a hard time going to sleep. Weird, strange, scary images kept flashing through my mind. I remember thinking that I should get up because something just felt weird. I ignored my feelings and finally fell asleep.

Have you ever woken up and thought you were in a dream? I woke up at 6:00am to a high pitch screeching and I immediately jumped out of bed. It was the strangest thing but I knew instantly what was wrong.

Fire

I ran out of my room and saw my desk up in flames. Not just a little fire but huge flames shooting up and spreading up the wall. I screamed for Marshall and he came running out. I froze. I couldn't move. I started babbling something about the fire extinguisher and he ran to the broom closet, got the extinguisher and quickly put it out. Fire alarms are still screeching and the house quickly fills with thick acrid smoke. Did I mention he sleeps with no clothes on? Here he is extinguisher in hand and buck naked. I quickly brought his pants. We open the front door and all windows. Anthony started crying so I took him to the closest window and sat holding him as Marshall cleared all of the smoldering debris off of my desk. I can still see the fire in my mind. Dancing flames shooting up around my computer monitor. I am in complete shock. It takes some time before I get the courage to see the damage.

Everything on my desk is pretty much gone. Papers, bills, shit, everything up in ashes. I look around and see ashes everywhere. If you look at my computer monitor from the front or the right side view it looks perfect.....look around to the left side and it is completely melted. Amazingly it still works! My computer desk, which at one time I complained that we got ripped off on, kept everything else underneath from burning and because it has a shelf up above it pretty much kept the fire contained.

Did I mention I had forgotten to blow out a candle burning on my desk? How many times have I heard my stepfather bitch about candles? I always laughed him off. Now I look at the damage on my desk and realize how lucky I was. Everyone is safe, no one was hurt, it could have been a hell of a lot worse than it was. My stepsister came downstairs (our house is a duplex, she lives upstairs) freaking out. I don't blame her. In my panic I completely forgot that smoke rises. Her house filled with smoke as well and the worst part? She has been telling my stepdad that she needs smoke alarms and she doesn't have any! As you can probably imagine she was slightly upset. I don't blame her.

Maybe 15 minutes passed after the fire is out and my mom calls. She of course already knows about it. Her concern? That my stepfather was going to be upset. Did I mention he hates candles? I understand what she was saying but give me a F***ing break! I am just so thankful that my kids are safe and no one was hurt that at this point I don't give a shit what he says. Does she think that I don't already feel like shit over this? She asked me what I was going to tell him? Give me a break! What should I tell him? That my computer just spontaneously combusted? Sorry for the sarcasm here but I am slightly stressed.

Through all of this Marshall stood calm. I'm glad one of us was. Considering that he once had a house burn completely to the ground because of his exgirlfriends kids playing with matches I think he took it quite well. He keeps calling me from work to see if I am ok. He keeps telling me that this happened for a reason and that because of it we will always be more careful that could/would prevent a bigger tragedy in the future. He keeps telling me that the Gods were looking out for us. For that I am thankful.

I took a picture of my computer but in the chaos my printer which I use to download my digital pics got disconnected. Once I get it up and running I will post a before and after photo of my poor desk. No damage other than melting plastic to my computer monitor. Isn't that amazing? I am just in complete shock! lol Did I say that already? Even the walls aren't damaged other than the mess made by the extinguisher. You know something? Until Marshall moved in I have NEVER had a fire extinguisher in my house! I am telling you right now....if you don't have one in your house GET ONE!!!

And of course.... don't forget to blow out your candles.

Okay, now I think I am going to go have a nervous breakdown!

Strawberry Shortcake

Holly Hobby

Captain Kangaroo

Fraggle Rock

Monchichi

Nostalgia at it's best!

I had something to post....something trivial and I have no clue now what it was about.
I signed on to Blogger and found this.....



I did not know Kaycee. Today was my first visit to her page. Thank you Kaycee for sharing your sunshine with me......I am smiling......and my room is shining brighter than ever. I feel as if I have no right to cry but the tears still seem to come. You have touched my heart and soul. You are an inspiration to so many people and I am in awe of your strength. You truely are a warrior. My thoughts and prayers are with your mom and your family and friends.

The girls came home from school early today. The lights kept going out at school......something about the air conditioner, I don't know exactly why. So the parents tea I was supposed to attend (a thank you from the school to parent volunteers) has been postponed until tomorrow. Anyway, Brittany needs to talk to me ALONE. Whenever she tells her little sister that she needs to go away so that we can talk I feel a slight panic. It's either about boys or female issues. It's not the I have a problem discussing any of those things with her but I am just not ready for my 10 year old to have questions on these issues. Shouldn't she still be playing with dolls or something? The discussion today (we have these discussions a couple of times a week) was periods. Her best friend thinks she is about to have her period ANY DAY NOW. And has resorted to wearing pads to school just to be on the safe side. Brittany is concerned that maybe she should too. I explain to her that she probably doesn't have to worry yet. My mom didn't have her first one until high school and I was one of the last of my friends to get mine. She sighs with relief because she is just not ready. I explain to her what she should do just in case she should get it at school. I always remember my poor friend Patty who was the first of the girls to get her period. She was in 4th grade and went to the teacher and told her that she was bleeding. The teacher announced in front of the entire class that she was having her period. She was teased horribly by the boys all though elementary school. I told Brittany if she should start at school to go straight to the nurse and have the nurse call me in case she needs a change of clothes. I have this fear that I won't be there for her first period. I started mine over a summer vacation and I was at my grandmother's house. It was scary and all I can remember was my grandmother asking my aunt very loudly...."Does she know how to clean herself?" Good grief.......I spent that entire week freaking out that I was doing something wrong but afraid to ask for fear that someone might come in the bathroom to show me how. So now I worry that Brittany will have her first period while she is in California visiting her dad for the summer. I know that she will be prepared....she has asked me enough questions, but I really hope that I am there so that I can take her out to lunch and we can have a "woman to woman" talk. I know that whenever it happens she will be ready for it.....let's just hope that I am!

I couldn't sleep last night. It is starting to get hot and I am already wishing for snow. I think I really should be living in Alaska. I can't sleep in hot weather. I made Marshall switch places with me in bed last night because his side is closer to the window. I spent half the night feeling like I was suffocating. And I am going to go to California in the middle of July? I must be insane!! But yes we are going. We are driving cross country with three kids to go and visit my dad for two weeks. I really must be insane! lol

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day! One guess what I spent my day doing? Yup....ended up going to my mom's house to do yard work. lol I guess that Mom's Day guilt still works no matter how old you are. At least it does on me. Marshall was a good sport about it and he in fact did most of the work along with my stepfather. There were many bushes that needed to get pulled so he took the bobcat over and had fun playing. My sister and I made the food for the barbeque and all in all it was a wonderful day. The kids surprised me with breakfast in bed...coffee and blueberry muffins. This mom's day stuff is so much more fun now that Brittany can bake. lol They bought me wonderful gifts thanks to Marshall and my mom taking them shopping and best of all every time they started to fight I could tell them they had to stop because it was Mother's Day. lol..... hmmm...... I blogged before about Mother's day being a conspiracy.... I think I am now part of it. I feel a slight (notice the word slight) twinge of guilt over using the mom's day ploy to my benefit but since it has been around for as long as there have been Hallmark cards and bouquets of flowers who I am to break with tradition?

Marshall took the ATM card with him today. I need to go shopping and don't have any cash. He wants me to go to his job site and pick it up. I said no. Why? I have this thing against spouses going to thier sig. other's place of work. I think it comes from working with Marshall and before we were dating having to deal with his girlfriend at the time visiting. She was (is) such a bitch and it was so annoying to have to see her walk in, she was always making a scene and she completely hated me. lol..... I don't know why? *innocent look* It wasn't just her, maybe it was because I was the only woman working there I was territorial about "my guys" but everytime a wife/girlfriend would walk in they would get on my nerves.

The other reason I feel this way is when I was working I hated when other's I was dating would just stop in, it is annoying as hell. To me work is a private place, a place that should not get mixed up with home life. And the phone calls...damn I hated the phone calls...you shouldn't call your spouse at work unless a)someone has died b)someone is about to die or c)you want to die. The people who answer the phones at your spouses place of work do NOT want to take personal messages..... I'm sorry but I really don't care that your cat is sick. They also do NOT want to talk to your children who are home alone, or listen to you bitching that they are late, or hear any other detail of your mundane life. When you pick up the phone and hit the speed-dial button stop and think. Is this an emergency? If not.....HANG UP! Okay, so that's my public service announcement for the day. All of you husbands/wifes/boyfriends/girlfriends who have co-workers wanting to shoot you because your sig. other is annoying as hell can forward this message to them (the annoying spouse) and then you can send me a thank you note. hehe

So anyway, I am going to go into town and meet Marshall when he is done with work. After shopping we are going to come home, grill steaks and watch a movie. Oh yeah.....and take our phone off the hook! :-) In case I don't get by here tomorrow.......I'd like to wish you all a VERY HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

blogger is still not working......at least it is saving my posts so that when it is finally up and running there will be lots to read.

We had a wonderful night. We went here to eat and because they were so packed we ended up eating outside on the terrace. The kids had a lot of fun and I enjoyed two of their huge, yummy margarita's. We went shopping and then took the kids out to Dairy Queen. Then we came home and I realized.......shit.... I forgot about Mother's Day. I mean, no I didn't forget but I did forget to buy something for my mom. I bought her something from the kids already but nothing from me so I guess I'd better go shopping again. My mom wants us to go to her house for mother's day and do her yard work and plant flowers. I feel like a horrible daughter but I don't want to. Isn't this supposed to be my mother's day too? Is it selfish of me to not want to spend my mother's day working on her yard when my own yard looks like crap? I told my sister how I felt about it and she told my mom so when my mom called today she sounded mad. Am I just being paranoid? It's hard to say. I just can always sense when she is mad at me. I know I am going to feel guilty but I really don't feel like spending my mother's day at her house. I need time for my own little family. I want to just pack us all up in the car and drive to the lakes and have a picnic. I know that if I do go to her house tomorrow when I really don't want to I will be a total bitch and piss her off. Why is it sometimes so hard to get along with her? I mean, I love her more than anything but as I get older I sometimes feel as if she is too demanding. Or is it that I am just getting to be more of a bitch? Or is it that I am just so much like her we are clashing? I don't know. I know her mom drives her nuts and yet she doesn't understand that the traits in her mom that annoys her have passed on to her and are annoying me. Why don't I just talk to her about it? Good question. Probably because she will get mad and I will get mad and then I will have to apologize and it's just too much of a headache. I have a headache just thinking about it. So what do you think? Should I be a good daughter and go work in her yard for mom's day or should I do what I want to do and take her out to brunch and then spend the rest of the day with my family? Better yet, how about I crawl into bed and you can wake me when mom's day is over. I hate holidays sometimes. Mother's day is just an overrated holiday invented by card companies and mom's who want to make you feel guilty for being a horrible, ungrateful son/daughter.

I finally get around to updating my blog and blogger goes down. Hopefully this will go through finally...

Feeling much better today. Marshall will be home early today (YEAH) and we are going to go out to dinner. I am just so excited to have him home for most of the evening. I spent last night pouting because he was home late again.....I know it's not his fault but damn it I have been patient all week, I think I am entitled to a little whining! lol We are supposed to go out with Nick and Chris tomorrow night, Chris is graduating tomorrow. I'm not sure if we will be able to make it though because of course Marshall has to work.

I am feeling really blah today. Marshall has been working late every day this week. I am used to having his complete attention every evening and for the last week he has came home late, ate, and fell asleep. I think he might have kissed me once or twice but I am starting to feel neglected! lol I need an adult conversation.......anything other than Anthony's constant "why's"!! It's not like he is the only person I can talk to....but he is the only person I want to talk to. Besides, I have been stuck cooking dinner every night this week and for those of you who know me you know how scary that can be! I filled the house with smoke yesterday and I was only boiling water! I'm not joking! It is very sad, poor Anthony was running around waving his hands in front of his face. Thankfully he should be back to normal hours next week and then he better be prepared to listen to me whining! I don't like feeling neglected.......I don't like cooking........and damn it I don't like him being gone so much! Sheesh......I sound pathetic! lol It's his fault. He's the one who spoiled me so now he'd better just put up with me. hehe

Did you know that Wite Out was almost impossible to get off of skin? Anthony decided to try to become invisible. He painted himself from head to toe. He must have taken the advertising to heart: "Wite-Out® brand correction fluid is your choice when you have large areas to be corrected." His legs, arms and chest are covered with huge white blotches. I gave him a bath and no amount of scrubbing would get it off. The scary part is I can't find the bottle he used! I know it's somewhere in my house and I know when I find it I will find walls, carpet, furniture, and/or toys covered in it as well.

Marshall handed me the newspaper yesterday. It was the page of wedding announcements. I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to be looking for until I saw an announcement with his last name in it. His son is getting married. His son has refused to talk to him since Marshall's ex wife left him. I have never met his children and probably never will, they have no desire to have any contact with their dad or anyone in his family thanks to vicious lies told to them by their mom.

I must be honest and say that when we first met I was slightly wary of stories told to me by Marshall regarding his exwife. I mean, what person is ever completely honest when it comes to their ex? Stories told are always the ones that make the ex out to be the bad guy not the other way around. It wasn't until talking to Marshall's parents and sisters that I was able to see the whole picture about what kind of person his ex wife is.

As to what really happened between Marshall and his ex wife, I have no desire to know. But what I do know is that he is an incredible dad to Anthony and a wonderful step dad to my daughters and I feel so guilty because his kids will probably never see that side to him. All they see is the evil man their mother painted for them. Who does that to their kids? No matter how horrible a man is as a husband you don't make your kids pay for that by filling them with hate for their father. My own dad was not so good as a husband to my mom, he was at times physically abusive, but NEVER did she fill us with hate towards him not even during their ugly, bitter divorce. I know Marshall, I know what kind of person he is and I know how much it hurts him to not be a part of his kids life. How much it hurt him to look at that wedding announcement and see his son's picture, grown, handsome and to know that he will probably never be a part of his son's life.

"We should go," he jokingly said
"How about we send some money?" I answered
"Yeah, we will do that," he answered as he set the paper down and walked away.

I wish I could talk to his kids, I wish I could tell them what a wonderful person their father is. But they would hate me. I'm not much older than they are, their own mother could be my mother. So I sit here feeling guilty because their father is now the father to my son. Maybe someday they will realize that not all of the truths they believe are factual, maybe someday they will think of their dad not with hate but with curiosity and contact him, maybe someday they will see that he is a person who loves them.

I got my candles yesterday!!!! I was so excited, I have the coffee one on my desk right now but I want to find some new candle holders for the other ones. Anthony thought they smelled so good he wanted to take a bite of one! lol Luckily I got them away in time.