Roadtrip is going on the road! I love going on roadtrips which was where I came up with the name for my blog. Today Marshall and I are taking an insane roadtrip from North Dakota to Northern California with all three of the kiddies. Why do I say insane? Cause if I'm not insane now I for sure will be by the time we get back! lol Actually, I'm really looking forward to it. Marshall has never in his life been on a vacation......can you say workaholic? I am also looking forward to seeing and spending time with my dad. For those of you who sent me your address keep an eye out for your postcard. :-)
I'm sure I'll have lots of stuff to post when I get back! Until then have a wonderful summer and I'll see ya in two weeks.
xoxoxo

Graphic by Cute Country Side Graphics

Happy 4th of July!! We're off to my mom's annual 4th of July party. Hope you all have a wonderful day! Last night was so much fun, I'll post about it another time when I'm not so hung over! lol

Graphic by Mary's Little Lamb

My girls are home! I am soooo happy! We had a wonderful evening last night. This morning we got up early and took them for pictures with their Uncle Gilbert. It is his birthday present to our mom. Anthony wasn't too excited about pictures. We did get one with him but he didn't smile too much. An old lady was watching and she said I should knock him around a few times. lol I was almost ready to agree. Oh well, at least he didn't scream bloody murder because a stranger had to pick him up.



Speaking of which........Happy Birthday Mom!

We are all on our way to a street dance to celebrate my mom's birthday. This band will be playing, they are good friends of my moms. I haven't heard them play in a while so it will be nice to see them again. In my single, party days I used to hear them all the time at the Windbreak, but seeing as how I'm getting so darn old I never seem to go out anymore. lol We are driving this which will be nice so that when the kiddies get tired they can just go to sleep. Well, I'd better get ready to go, Marshall is starting to nag me. lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eden, I wish you much happiness today and always!
Have a wonderful day and don't forget to make a wish!
xoxoxo


Birthday Graphics from
Mary's Little Lamb

Brittany and Danielle are coming home today!!!!!!!! I am so excited I am jumping out of my skin! My aunts and uncle are still here and I must say I am enjoying their visit so much more than I imagined. I realize how much I have changed since the last time I saw them (7 years ago). Wow, I was uptight back then! lol I had so many bad memories about the drinking and partying but now that I have relaxed some I have realized how much fun they are to be around. My aunties all love to dance to Mexican music, having only one brother around leaves them dancing with each other. When I watched this 7 years ago it made me very uncomfortable but watching it now I am in awe of these beautiful strong women who have such affection for each other. The kissing and hugging is foreign to me because I am not very good at showing affection. With my kids yes and with Marshall yes but I rarely even hug my own mom. I like my distance and I don't like anyone intruding on the boundaries that I keep around me. Watching the affection between everyone makes me wonder what I have missed out on by keeping such a distance between me and others. I have never known my mom's family very well so it is a wonderful, new experience for me.

Yesterday they made tamales. Tamales are usually only made at Christmas time because there is so much work involved. My mom's oldest sister Rosalie wanted to make them for my mom because my mom doesn't know how to make them. My auntie Rosalie is a tiny little thing barely 5' tall and I'd guess she doesn't even weigh 100lbs. (Damn, why couldn't I have inherited those side of the genes? lol) but when she takes control of the kitchen you stand out of her way! The process of making tamales is a mystery to me. Making the meat to go inside took all morning and part of the afternoon. Then she made the masa. All three sisters bustled around the kitchen while my mom, my sister and I stood back in awe. Finally it was time for the hard part. Spreading the masa on the corn husks and rolling them up to be steamed. The masa wasn't cooperating and everyone was having a hard time getting it to stick to the corn husks. Finally with the help of Emma (my aunts wife) they got the masa just right and the rest of the day was spent putting the tamales together and then steaming them.

I think it was almost 9:00pm by the time the first batch was done. I am telling you, these are the best tamales I have ever had in my life! My aunt Rosalie sat back in silence drinking a beer with her face lighting up as everyone inhaled these things. Marshall has never had a tamale so everyone was waiting to see what he would think. I think he had ate four of them before he finally stopped eating long enough to tell her how incredibly good they were! By the time the night was over he had ate ten of them! My aunt Rosalie finally ate one and said that these tamales taste even better than the ones she makes at home. She explained that not only were these made with love for her sister and her family but because they were made "de mi corazón". Everything my aunts do is from their heart and I am so thankful for this time I have with them. I can't wait for my daughters to come home and share this part of their heritage with them. I am thankful and humbled to know the strong women that I am part of.

Why is it that the more I clean the more I find to clean? Why is it that I didn't inherit the neat-freak cleaning gene from my mother's side of the family?! Not only did I not inherit it but my children didn't either. I have been working on getting my house in order and all I have seemed to do is make more of a mess. I have stuff pulled out of closets, piles of clothes waiting to be sorted, boxes of stuff that needs to be thrown out. It looks as if my house has exploded. Now of course there is company in town and I have to figure out a way to get my house looking somewhat clean so that I can rush them in, show them my house, and then rush them back out to sit on the patio.

I HATE HOUSEWORK!

There I said it. I feel guilty for saying it but I think it needed to be said! lol Why do I feel so guilty? Maybe because I have a grandmother who raised 7 children in one house and you would NEVER find a speck of dust much less a junk drawer anywhere in the vicinity of her house. She would freak out if she saw my house. Dust is the least of my worries right now. When I first found these I thought all of my problems were solved. I figured that if I bought enough of them I would suddenly be more organized and my house would never be a mess. Imagine my surprise when the damn things seemed to just bring more clutter to my house! I have such a hard time throwing shit away, my sister came to help me organize the kids rooms and I know she left here pulling her hair out because for every three things she put in the garbage I pulled one thing out. I'm sorry I have an emotional attachment to my junk! As Marshall's dad would say..... "It's good junk"

So I guess I should get off of the damn computer and try to narrow down my selection of good junk. Wish me luck and if all else fails I can dim all of the lights when I give my relatives a tour of my house. hehe

Graphic by Cute Colors

Today Gilly arrives! I am so excited to see him. My mom's brother and sisters will also be arriving from California today and tomorrow. Brittany and Danielle will be home on Monday, July 2nd. They called me last night. They were here getting hamburgers, I am so jealous! When I moved to California many years ago, I was 16, that was the first meal I had. My uncle Tim took me there in his yellow Z-28. No other burger has ever tasted as good.

So far the girls have also called me from here and here on their dad's cell phone. I wish they would call me from his house becaused that damn phone is always cutting out but at least I was able to talk to them. They are both having lots of fun but are looking forward to coming home.

I get my new patio furniture today!! I am so excited. I have had it on layaway since last week which is a good thing because they are now sold out. I got the 7 piece set but I didn't get the umbrella but I can always get that later. The swingset still isn't done. Marshall has been in the shop for the last week trying to get the airconditioners in the limos to work properly. I say that in this weather nothing is going to cool. Well, I'm off to water flowers outside and get my deck ready for my furniture. Stop by and join me for margaritas later. hehe

Happy, Cosmic, Ecstatic, Alive?
Feel anyway you please. *

Whatever, Blah, Unsure, Bored?:
Feel anyway you please. *

Sad, Crushed, Blue, Depressed?
Feel anyway you please. *

Angry, Mean, Frustrated, Pissed?
Feel anyway you please. *

I think I need all of these mugs! lol
I think you do too! I hope you reconsider your blog because I am going to miss you! You have the right to feel any damn way you please! :-) Just know that I am always here for you! And damn, do you mean to tell me that I'm not the only online person you know and talk to? Talk about bursting my bubble! ROFLMAO!

My life has never been more wonderful.... I am in love with someone who loves me completely, I have three wonderful children, for the most part I am content and happy. Yet there are other aspects in my life that seem to be smothering me. Let's just say there are many issues. Some of them aren't really worth the aspirin it takes to get rid of the headaches they at times give me. Some of them need some time before I figure out how to deal with them. For the most part I know that I just need time to work it all out in my head. I am not purposely talking in riddles, I guess I just know that to vent about them right now would be counter productive to myself.

So for that reason I have decided to refrain from any bitching (damn that's so hard to do! lol) and I'll just copy Laura and Amy who got it from here. Isn't it funny how these things kinda spread? I always wanted to do the 10 things/1 false statements but by the time I thought of 9 interesting facts about myself and 1 fact that was a lie but could be true I realized how many people were doing it and it just seemed obsolete.

Anyway.......here are 7 things on my desk
(Just for the record, my desk is a mess and there are a bit more than just seven things on it right now, I could probably do a 50 things on my desk list, but I will pick out the most interesting ones. lol)
1) Harry Potter desk calendar
2) Coffee cup with fresh coffee thanks to my sweetie :-)
3) Photographs that have been or will soon be scanned
4) See'n Say toy (compliments of Anthony)
5) Winnie the Pooh Band-Aids
6) Child support papers that wrongly has me paying child support to my ex. (Still to be resolved.)
7) Stuffed alien from here

Okay, major bitch blog today. If you are reading this and it is about you I seriously suggest that you stop reading NOW! This is my place, my space and don't even think about bringing it up to me because you are lucky I am bitching here and not to your face. Yes......you know who the fuck you are!

I am so seriously pissed if a certain person gets in my face it will take all self control to not slap the shit out of them. It amazes me how certain people automatically jump to conclusions about me, about what I would or would not do. I have had it with trying to be the peacemaker in my family. Too many times I have supported certain people against my mom, my sister, my brother and in the end it all comes back to haunt me. It always amazes me how quickly people can turn and point the finger. As long as I do what makes them happy they have no problem with me, as long as I let them run all over me everything is fine. The second I speak up and go against what makes them happy they turn on me screaming and yelling......calling me a spoiled brat when they are the ones acting like children. Never in my life would I talk with such disrespect to my stepfather as this person did to my mom. Making a huge scene with phony, dramatic tears in front of my son. Slamming doors, going psychotic. Talk about pathetic!

I refuse to be made to feel as if I do not belong here, as if my family does not belong here. This was our house long before it was yours, I made the mistake of moving out but now that I am here I am here to stay. Get over it! I will not move, I will not let my children feel as if this isn't their home. This house belongs to my mom and I will live here as long as I damn well please. Call me names, point the finger. I don't really give a shit. I know what really happened, I know why and everyone else can go straight to hell. Don't fuck with me because I promise you........ you will NOT win! And that is the spoiled brat who ALWAYS gets her way speaking.

I have noticed that sometimes when there is a lot going on I have a hard time blogging. Everything with me is fine but there is just a lot going on. My mother is driving me crazy as she tries to get ready for the invasion of all of her relatives at the end of the month. I say let them rent a hotel room but no, she has to buy new beds, which means new comforters, curtains, etc. And then after she buys stuff for the guestrooms she decides that her own bedroom set isn't good enough so she has to redo that. Then she has to do redo her bathroom which means that she has to redo the two guest bathrooms. Storage closets that these people will never see are being cleaned, photographs which have always been stored in boxes for as long as I can remember must now be arranged into photo albums. I will admit that my children have been bad at leaving stuff there and I will admit that I never felt the urge to take all of their stuff to my house. My house is little and houses 5 people, her house is huge with 5 bedrooms, family room, pool room, 3 bathrooms, etc and only houses 2 people. Of course it is now urgent to get all of the kids stuff out of her house which is now sitting in the garage waiting for me to go through it and hold a garage sale. I am dreading that......I hate garage sales. What was going to be just a week of my mom's youngest sister and her girlfriend visiting has now turned into all 3 of her sisters visiting as well as my uncle and his girlfriend. I don't know any of them very well, and when I am around them I always feel very uncomfortable. They usually speak in spanish which I don't understand and talk of a past that has nothing to do with me. I know it is selfish of me but I am hoping to be there as little as possible. I know my mom is upset at my lack of excitement over their visit but I can't help it. I dread the drinking that these sort of reunions require. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I fear but I have a feeling it will be worse.

Another thing on my mind is the girls. Something is going on with their dad and I don't know if I should ask him about it or not. The girls have called me a few times and thankfully they sound happy and are having lots of fun. What worries me is that they are staying at their aunts house......with their dad.....without their stepmom. Last summer things were pretty tense there. The girls (mostly Danielle) had a miserable time and didn't relate to their stepmom very well. I know Danielle made her (the stepmom) cry a few times and things weren't so great which to me is understandable considering it was their first summer with her married to their dad and on her part she has never had children before. I figured they would all adjust to each other. So I am concerned to find out that the girls have been staying at their aunts house and from what I can understand they haven't seen their stepmom at all. I have had feelings for awhile, from things that Jorge (my ex) would tell me, that something was going on but I assumed that they would work it out. What bothered me about them staying with their aunt was that Jorge never told me so if I had needed to contact the girls I wouldn't have known where to find them. Why would he not tell me?

I decided to not worry about it, maybe after last summer Jorge just wanted time alone with the girls before they went head to head with his wife again. So when I got a call from the girls yesterday imagine my surprise to hear that they were at Disneyland with Jorge and a little girl younger than Danielle and her mom. No one else was there. Sounds like a date to me. Is it any of my concern? Hell if I know. I guess not, except for the fact that he should tell me if he has moved out of his apartment with his wife so that I know how to contact him regarding the girls. The more I thought about it though the more it pissed me off. When Jorge and I divorced I took the complete blame on my shoulders. I wanted to end the marriage and although I never cheated on Jorge while we were married, when I finally asked for a divorce and he knew that the marriage was over I did fly to Arizona to go away with a man. (long story) In my mind and in my heart I was not cheating because to me my marriage was long since over. To Jorge I had committed a horrendous thing that would never be forgiven. I have lived with that guilt for so long, I carry it with me every day. I know that the divorce was the right thing to do but hurting Jorge was unforgivable. So now the tables are turned. He is the one turning away from an unhappy marriage, he is the one who I am assuming is leaving his wife and is now with someone else. Is it wrong of me to want to hear it from him? I want so much for him to admit that he is human. He is not perfect and that what I did wasn't as bad as I was made to feel. I more than anything else want him to be happy, he deserves to find someone to share his life with, someone he can love and respect. I hope that is what he found.......and yet I want to hear him admit that sometimes in order to be happy you have to hurt those you might not want to hurt. What a strange situation to be in. As the mother to his children do I have the right to ask about his personal life? As his friend do I have the right to know? As his ex wife is it none of my business? Damn it, why do I have the feeling that there is more going on here than I know? I hate not knowing!!

We will be busy tomorrow doing daddy's day stuff but I wanted to take the time to wish a Happy Father's Day to all of the daddies in my life. My dad who I can't wait to visit soon, my stepdad who is the best grandfather in the world, John L. who will soon be my father-in-law and who has made me feel so welcome in his family, and to Marshall who is the best daddy in the world to Anthony and the girls.

I have been thinking of my dad a lot because I am so excited to visit him. We have went through a lot together and I have so many wonderful memories of things we did together. When my parents divorced I was 14 and being a typical teenage girl I fought a lot with my mom so I chose to live with my dad. We moved out to California together and the memories I have of just the two of us are some of the best memories that I think of often. We would get up early every Saturday and go out to eat breakfast. We would then spend the rest of the day at the beach, usually this one, or shopping at the swap meet. I honestly don't remember what we talked about but we would talk nonstop. I remember the night my grandmother passed away. She was in Colorado and my dad wasn't able to get there. We spent the night talking. I remember my dad crying and hugging me so tight as he tried to explain to me how important family is. He told me how special I was to him, how I have always had a special place in his heart as his first born child. At the time I thought I understood what he meant, but the meaning is even more important now that I have my own children. I wish that we lived closer and could see each other more, but I know that I am always in his heart just as he is always in mine. I love you Dad!!

Me and my dad - 1977

Just a quick post while I procrastinate for awhile. I am supposed to be getting ready to go but just can't seem to get motivated. Tonight we are going to take Anthony to the fair. I think he is going to hate it but Marshall insists that he will have fun. We are going to pick up Maria and Jeremy so at least I will have someone to ride the rides with me seeing as how Marshall get's sick just by watching the carousel go around! lol Tonight the Monkee's are playing. I kinda wanted to go but then I changed my mind. We are going to go see Poison when they play. 80's flashback time! hehe The rest of the nights it is all country music and just the thought of it makes me sick. Last time I went to the fair she was singing and just listening to her singing as we sat in the beer gardens made me ill. I am not a country music fan....can ya tell?

On Wednesday we got together with Marshall's family because it was a year to the day that Marshall's mom passed away last year. It was a sad occasion but it was nice to spend the evening with everyone and go out to eat.I always enjoy spending time with his family. We did miss Rocky and Kristy though. It amazes me how after only really knowing everyone a year they feel so much like my family now. I am so grateful for all of them and for all that they have brought to my life and to the lives of my children. I watched as Anthony was fussed over by his new aunts and how he played with his cousin Cameron and I truely believe that Vivienne somehow knows that her family is finally right again.

Let's see.....what else is new? I finally finished this. I am always paranoid about telling people I am working on another site cause I know that I am by no means a professional designer but for now the site serves its purpose and hopefully I will have more time to learn what I don't know. I feel like such a phony even saying I design websites cause I can't even do Flash. Everytime I try I get completey overwhelmed, so I just gave up trying. What in the hell is wrong with me?! Sheesh. Well, I guess I should quit rambling and start getting ready before Marshall comes home and bitches at me for not being ready.

Oh before I forget, I just wanted to say that I love the new design....and I have never thought that your blog sucked! :-) I'm sorry for not being online much. I wish I knew what was wrong with me but I just can't seem to focus on much of anything. I really do miss you! And you too! You are both always in my thoughts and I am just so happy to see how close the two of you have become! :-) But if you guys are planning a trip to Florida you'd better take me with! lol xoxo

Yesterday I was in a very bitchy mood. It has been a long week, I started my period, I have a horrible cold, it was a Monday, Marshall worked in the shop all night, need I go on? lol Anyway, on top of all that the cat decided to piss me off. This cold has been making my nose run like crazy and I used up all of the kleenex in the house. Since I was in no frame of mind to go shopping I resorted to carrying around a roll of toilet paper. I made the mistake of leaving the roll unattended and the cat decided to attack it and rip it all up to shreds. Not only did she make a huge mess but of course my nose was dripping as I had to run to the bathroom for another roll! The final straw was when she jumped on my printer knocking it offline so that she could jump onto the top of my desk so that she could knock all of my pictures off.

I yelled at my cat. I picked her up and threw her into the other room for her own safety. I sulked on the couch and thanks to Anthony I was able to lose my bad mood. After I put him to bed I wrote the girls some letters while I waited for Marshall to finally come in from the shop. As I started getting ready for bed I realized that I hadn't seen my kitty for most of the evening. I asked Marshall if he had seen her and he said no. I figured she was still pouting because I yelled at her so I went to sleep. I woke up at 6am and realized that the cat hadn't jumped on me all night. Usually she wakes me up a few times as she tries to squeeze her way between me and Marshall as we sleep. I jumped out of bed and looked for her everywhere. She was no where to be found.

I had images of my poor kitty running away because I was so mean. I made Marshall go outside and look for her. I remembered my lesson of the last time she was missing (Anthony had hid her in the dryer) and so I looked through every cupboard in the kitchen and bathroom, in the washer and dryer, in the stove, the dishwasher, the toy box, every place I could think of where he might have hidden her. I looked under every bed, called her name, went outside again, still no cat. I start thinking about what I am going to tell the girls when they come home from California and find that I lost their cat! Talk about feeling guilty!

Anthony woke up at 9am. I took him out of his crib and he walked straight to Danielle's dresser drawer and opened it. Guess who walks out? Yep! He had hid the cat in there! I was looking right by there today calling her name and she didn't make a sound. She jumps out of the drawer, stretches and heads straight for her food bowl. I have a strange cat and an even stranger son.

It has been a very busy week here, a very sad week here. I know I have told some of you about my mom's best friend Henry. He has been a very important part of her life for the last 10 years. He has been a good friend to me and to everyone in our family although he was always closest to my mom. On Thursday (the 7th) Henry passed away. He had cancer. He was 75 years old and had lived a wonderful and full life but he was so full of life that it is hard to imagine him not here. I spent most of the night on Wednesday (the 6th) with my mom at the hospital but when he finally passed away she was there alone with him. I think that is the way he would have wanted it.

This has been very hard for her and it is hard for me because I don't know what to say. Is there anything you can say that can help ease the loss of a loved one? Henry did have a son but they weren't very close although I am glad to say that his son did visit Henry a few times before he passed away. I have been helping my mom go through her photos of Henry so that I can make a photo collage to have on display for his funeral. As I go through the photos I can't help but wonder how life goes by so fast. In some pictures Henry is a smiling boy, in the next he is a young man full of life as he poses proudly in his Navy uniform in the next he is smiling cutting a wedding cake with his bride. As I go through the photos I see his life spread across my desk as I scan them and I wonder if that is all there is to life. A few photos, a few smiles, a few heart aches and then what? It is over before you even know it.

As I sit here arranging the photos I wonder who will be going through my photos? When I am gone which photos will be the ones used to remember me with? What memories will I leave behind? Sometimes I seem to get so caught up in the mundane things, cooking dinner, doing laundry, bedtimes and bathtimes, I wonder if I am actually taking the time to appreciate what life really has to offer. When my children look back what will they remember?

I hope that I never take what I have for granted. This morning we had an incredible storm. The sun is finally starting to come out. I am going to take Anthony outside so that we can splash in the puddles together. I think he will remember that more than he would remember if I got all of the laundry done today.

Henry has left my family with a wonderful gift, a gift that we will hold with us always. Whenever I watch a couple twirl gracefully across the dance floor, or take a sip of blackberry brandy, whenever I watch a bird glide through the sky or see a pair of deer nuzzle through the trees, I will think of Henry and I will be thankful for all that he has left us.

First of all I would like to thank all of you for your kind words and support during the last few days. This is always the worst time of year for me but once the girls have made it to California safe and sound I usually feel better. I did talk to them and they had a safe trip. I miss them so much but they will be home before I know it and I have a lot to keep me busy in the mean time! lol

Yesterday was completely exhausting. Me, Marshall, my stepdad, stepsister and stepbrother all gathered in the backyard at 8:00 am Okay, they were outside at 8am, I was in the shower because I refuse to spend a day working unless I shower first. Marshall thought it strange since I was going to get dirty and grimy anyway but to me that is even more reason to shower! lol Anyway, we spent the entire day doing yardwork. We did the usual things, mowed the grass, killed weeds, trimmed trees and bushes, then we moved huge piles of dirt that had been dug up from the ditch last year to the back of the shop to cover electrical boxes that should have been buried two years ago. We also moved rocks from the side of the house to build up the dirt around it so that hopefully we won't flood so often in the basement.

Then Marshall started having fun with the bobcat. He cleared out a huge section of the yard between the house and the shop because we plan to put in patio brick so that I can finally buy a patio set. I am so excited! :-) This was all done around 2:00 we then decided to go into town and pick up the bricks and swing set. We go to Menards (hardware/home store) and find this really cool wooden swingset on sale. It is the one that Jenny and I both liked so we decided to get that one. I picked out the bricks I liked (cobblestone) and my stepdad decideds that instead of buying the sand we need to fill in beneath the bricks at Menards him and Marshall would go get the dump truck and pick up a truckload of sand from a construction supply place he has an account with. He assures Jenny and myself that we would have no problem getting the bricks and swingset home in the truck that we had.

Did I mention that we had borrowed Marshall's dad's new pickup truck? We order the supplys that we needed and we were directed to go to the back yard to pick everything up. I decide to load the bricks first so we head to that section. Jenny goes to find someone to help us load up the bricks while I open the back end of the truck. I look at the cobblestone and see that one entire pallet contains 60 bricks.....we need 72. The guy comes with his forklift and looks at us like we are insane. He explains in slow english as if we are stupid that each brick weighs 50lbs. The entire load would weigh about 2 tons. There is no way in hell I was going to try to load 2 tons of brick into the back of Marshall's dad's truck! Jenny then tells the guy that we also have swingset materials to pick up. Again he looks at us like we are stupid. We tell him to load as many bricks as he thinks the truck will safely hold leaving us enough room for the swingset stuff. He loads 20 bricks. We then head to the lumber section to pick up what we need for the swingset. We find a young kid to help us figure out what in the hell it is we need. He points to a section of wood and says you need 6 of those. He puts a few in and instructs us to help load them in the truck. He then tells us to drive down further and points to another stack and says you need 12 of those. He loads up 2 other boards from a different pile. Jenny added the slide and the truck was completely full. He then says we need 21 pieces of wood from another pile and 8 4x4's among other stuff.

At this point I was hot, tired, thirsty and pissed because my stepdad just left us there to deal with it and we had no way of getting ahold of him to tell him and Marshall to come back with another truck. Jenny says I was overreacting but I don't care. I was so mad I even stole a few of her cigarettes and I called my mom to tell her that her husband was a moron. We finally got ahold of Bill and Marshall and after they dumped the sand they brought the dump truck to haul the rest of the crap. Once I got home and bitched a little more I felt better. lol We worked until late and tonight we will be setting the bricks. Wish us luck and let's hope I don't hurt anyone. hehe

The girls are gone. Their dad picked them up today. They will be spending a month with him in California. The house is empty and quiet. This is always the worst day for me. I see a pair of Danielle's shoes thrown in the corner, Brittany's lip gloss is sitting on the kitchen counter, the juice they forgot to drink left by the sink, Danielle's hula hoop is in the livingroom from when she gave her dad a demonstration before they left and Brittany's jacket that she forgot is hanging on a chair. I am never prepared for them to leave. I wash all of their laundry, pack their bags, buy them stuff they need for the trip, buy them stuff to keep them busy for the airplane ride, give them lectures about wearing seat belts, being nice to their step mom, not eating too much junk food or drinking too much soda. No matter how much I mentally prepare for them to leave, when they give me their last hug and kiss goodbye, I fall apart inside. At least now I have Marshall and Anthony to keep me company. In the beginning it was just me, saying goodbye as I went home alone to any empty apartment. I know that they will have fun but today that doesn't matter much. Right now I just want them home. Marshall and Anthony are sleeping and it is so quiet I think I am going to scream. The tears won't stop and I feel so alone. I know that they will be back soon but right now I think I am just going to cry because I miss them so much and I hate when they are not home. What in the hell am I going to do when the grow up and go to college?!

Here are some pictures we took on Thursday on the last day of school. My stepsister Jenny treated Brittany, Danielle, Tori (Jenny's daughter) and Brittany's best friend Abby to a wonderful day.

First we picked them up in a limo, one of the perks of having a family owned limousine business. :-)

Danielle, Tori, Abby and Brittany

Then we took them to play minature golf

Abby and BrittanyTori and Danielle

Then we took them to a new place called "Clay Your Way". It is a studio where you can paint your own pottery. We had never been there before and we all had a lot of fun!

Brittany and Abby

Danielle and Tori

When we were done we met Marshall, Anthony, my mom and stepdad and the rest of Jenny's family here to eat dinner. The girls had a lot of fun. We spent Friday morning packing and then we picked up my sister and we spent the afternoon with her and Jeremy. We went back to "Clay Your Way" and painted more stuff. You have to keep your stuff there for 7 days so that they can glaze and fire them. I can't wait to see how they turned out! Well, I'd better get to bed. We are all doing yard work tomorrow in preperation for the kids new swingset/playarea. Marshall, my stepdad and my stepbrother are going to build the swingset. I am slightly nervous about it....we don't call my stepdad the "Handyman from Hell" for nothing! lol I'll keep you posted. :-)

Updated 06/02/01 - I had to post this picture from the talent show. The digital camera didn't take great photos in the gym cause it's so dark in there so the quality isn't the best but I still had to share. :-)

The Hula Hoop Girls
Emily, Tori and Danielle

It has been a zoo here! I have been running around like crazy trying to get everything ready for the girls to leave. I only have 2 more days left before they go visit their dad for a month! I am already missing them! :-( I am waiting for them to get out of school (today is their last day) because my stepsister and I are going to take the girls plus Brittany's best friend into town and have some fun. We will meet up with everyone else later tonight for dinner here.

I am always a proud momma but I really have to brag today! :-) hehe Yesterday was the girls talent show and both of my girls did an incredible job. Brittany did a dance/lip sync to The Animal Song with two girls from her class and they did very well. This year though Danielle, her cousin Tori and their friend Emily stole the show!!! The girls put together a hula hoop act to a song from this movie and they were incredible. All three of them hula hooped together and none of them dropped their hoop! Everyone was screaming and clapping. They were so cute!

Brittany was also scheduled to sing a solo of this song but they ran out of time for about 10 acts so they had to postpone them until this morning before the awards ceremony. I really have no clue where she gets it from but my daughter has this incredible voice. She blows me away everytime she sings. As she got up to sing I heard someone behind me comment about what a wonderful voice she has. She was of course incredible although I could tell on her face that she thought she had made a mistake. She is so hard on herself. I was in a trance watching her, I'm always afraid to look away just in case she should need to look at me. When she was younger she would do that when she was singing so that she wouldn't be nervous. I didn't notice but my stepsister noticed that Brittany had brought the music teacher as well as a few parents to tears. lol....okay I'm almost done bragging! hehe The girls each got awards for earning the state reading certificate and Brittany got an award for winning first place in a North Dakota Council on the Arts poster drawing contest. Poor Brittany was a little upset because she has always wanted to win an award for perfect attendance. She came so close.......she only missed half a day the day we took Gilly to the airport when he left for boot camp. I have never in my life even came close to perfect attendance! Marshall thinks they should still give it to her! lol Okay, done bragging...........for now! hehe *S*

No I haven't fallen off of the planet. I think I must have been in shock for a few days after the fire and when I finally snapped out of it I realized that I had slightly over a week before my daughters leave to spend a month with their dad in California. Jorge will be picking them up on June 2nd and they will be gone until July 2nd. This last week is always the hardest because I know I am going to miss them but at the same time I seriously need a break. They are of course really excited to go visit. Jorge is going to take them to Disneyland and they will also get to visit the new California Adventure park. I hope this visit goes better than last summer. Last summer was their second visit with their new stepmom and it did not go well. Hopefully this year will be better.

We had a very busy weekend. Here's a quick recap.

Friday: We spent Friday once again cleaning up a flooded basmenet. This time the sump pump went out. Not fun. We bought a new sumppump and spent the evening cleaning up water and wet rugs. Marshall of course has to mention that last Friday was the fire, this Friday was a flood, we are both concerned about what next Friday will bring. I'm betting for a tornado. lol

Saturday: Saturday was a busy day. We spent the day painting the livingroom and getting stuff done around the house. We put the kids to work even though I think I might have heard mumblings about child labor laws. To reward our hard work Marshall made dinner. Barbequed ribs and porkchops with this. If you haven't tried this you really should. It is so good!! Even Danielle loved it and she is picky. We then loaded the kids up into the car and headed into town. We drove by the cemetary where Marshall's two infant sons are buried. They are both from his first marriage. It is always hard for Marshall to visit but I am glad he still takes the time to stop there. After we spent some time there we took the kids to the park to play and then we went here for ice cream. We came back home and the kids played with their cousins outside until it was time to go to bed. Danielle talked me into letting her cousin Tori sleepover and we all watched movies until 1:00am.

Sunday: Sunday was a relaxing day. We didn't do much but my mom did watch Anthony so that we could take the girls to see this. What a fun movie. I can't remember laughing so hard at a kids movie.

Monday: Happy Memorial Day! Since this will be the last entire we spend all together before the girls leave we wanted to make sure it was fun. We took the kids to the Red River Zoo, it's not a large zoo but we had a lot of fun. The kids fed the animals and we put them on the carousel. Anthony was not impressed! He hung onto me for dear life and was more than happy to get off. He did enjoy watching from the sidelines when the girls went for a second ride. lol After the zoo we went out to eat at one of our favorite Chinese restaurant and then we came home and watched tv.

When I actually write down what we did this weekend it doesn't sound too exciting hehe but that is OK with me! After all of the excitement of last weekend I will settle for quiet and relaxing! I hope you all had a fun and safe weekend!

Thank you to everyone for their concern over our mishap. :-) Friday was a very strange day, it all kind of happened in a blur. I do remember having two (or was it three? lol) VERY stiff Jack 'n Cokes at Buffalo Wild Wings. Believe me I needed them, I was a nervous wreck!! We didn't even attempt to clean up until Saturday. Instead on Friday we took the kids to the park and just enjoyed a wonderful evening being thankful that the fire wasn't worse than it could have been. This whole mess has prompted major cleaning around here. I have this strange urge to paint, clean, scrub everything in sight. I am washing quite a bit of laundry because just about everything seems to smell like smoke esp. in the kids room because my desk is right next to their room. I couldn't bring myself to clean up my office area so Marshall did it for me. The weird thing about the fire is that the wax from the candle seemed to have exploded everywhere. There is wax splattered on the walls, ceiling, and all over the floor. Not just dripped wax but splotches of wax every where as if the candle exploded. The candle had coffee beans on it and we have found coffee beans wedged in weird places as if they were flung there by force. We really can't explain it but are just thankful that it wasn't worse than it was. Thank you again for all of your kind thoughts, they really helped to make a horrible day much better. Before I forget: here are the before and after photos of my poor desk.

BEFORE

AFTER