Okay, major bitch blog today. If you are reading this and it is about you I seriously suggest that you stop reading NOW! This is my place, my space and don't even think about bringing it up to me because you are lucky I am bitching here and not to your face. Yes......you know who the fuck you are!

I am so seriously pissed if a certain person gets in my face it will take all self control to not slap the shit out of them. It amazes me how certain people automatically jump to conclusions about me, about what I would or would not do. I have had it with trying to be the peacemaker in my family. Too many times I have supported certain people against my mom, my sister, my brother and in the end it all comes back to haunt me. It always amazes me how quickly people can turn and point the finger. As long as I do what makes them happy they have no problem with me, as long as I let them run all over me everything is fine. The second I speak up and go against what makes them happy they turn on me screaming and yelling......calling me a spoiled brat when they are the ones acting like children. Never in my life would I talk with such disrespect to my stepfather as this person did to my mom. Making a huge scene with phony, dramatic tears in front of my son. Slamming doors, going psychotic. Talk about pathetic!

I refuse to be made to feel as if I do not belong here, as if my family does not belong here. This was our house long before it was yours, I made the mistake of moving out but now that I am here I am here to stay. Get over it! I will not move, I will not let my children feel as if this isn't their home. This house belongs to my mom and I will live here as long as I damn well please. Call me names, point the finger. I don't really give a shit. I know what really happened, I know why and everyone else can go straight to hell. Don't fuck with me because I promise you........ you will NOT win! And that is the spoiled brat who ALWAYS gets her way speaking.

I have noticed that sometimes when there is a lot going on I have a hard time blogging. Everything with me is fine but there is just a lot going on. My mother is driving me crazy as she tries to get ready for the invasion of all of her relatives at the end of the month. I say let them rent a hotel room but no, she has to buy new beds, which means new comforters, curtains, etc. And then after she buys stuff for the guestrooms she decides that her own bedroom set isn't good enough so she has to redo that. Then she has to do redo her bathroom which means that she has to redo the two guest bathrooms. Storage closets that these people will never see are being cleaned, photographs which have always been stored in boxes for as long as I can remember must now be arranged into photo albums. I will admit that my children have been bad at leaving stuff there and I will admit that I never felt the urge to take all of their stuff to my house. My house is little and houses 5 people, her house is huge with 5 bedrooms, family room, pool room, 3 bathrooms, etc and only houses 2 people. Of course it is now urgent to get all of the kids stuff out of her house which is now sitting in the garage waiting for me to go through it and hold a garage sale. I am dreading that......I hate garage sales. What was going to be just a week of my mom's youngest sister and her girlfriend visiting has now turned into all 3 of her sisters visiting as well as my uncle and his girlfriend. I don't know any of them very well, and when I am around them I always feel very uncomfortable. They usually speak in spanish which I don't understand and talk of a past that has nothing to do with me. I know it is selfish of me but I am hoping to be there as little as possible. I know my mom is upset at my lack of excitement over their visit but I can't help it. I dread the drinking that these sort of reunions require. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I fear but I have a feeling it will be worse.

Another thing on my mind is the girls. Something is going on with their dad and I don't know if I should ask him about it or not. The girls have called me a few times and thankfully they sound happy and are having lots of fun. What worries me is that they are staying at their aunts house......with their dad.....without their stepmom. Last summer things were pretty tense there. The girls (mostly Danielle) had a miserable time and didn't relate to their stepmom very well. I know Danielle made her (the stepmom) cry a few times and things weren't so great which to me is understandable considering it was their first summer with her married to their dad and on her part she has never had children before. I figured they would all adjust to each other. So I am concerned to find out that the girls have been staying at their aunts house and from what I can understand they haven't seen their stepmom at all. I have had feelings for awhile, from things that Jorge (my ex) would tell me, that something was going on but I assumed that they would work it out. What bothered me about them staying with their aunt was that Jorge never told me so if I had needed to contact the girls I wouldn't have known where to find them. Why would he not tell me?

I decided to not worry about it, maybe after last summer Jorge just wanted time alone with the girls before they went head to head with his wife again. So when I got a call from the girls yesterday imagine my surprise to hear that they were at Disneyland with Jorge and a little girl younger than Danielle and her mom. No one else was there. Sounds like a date to me. Is it any of my concern? Hell if I know. I guess not, except for the fact that he should tell me if he has moved out of his apartment with his wife so that I know how to contact him regarding the girls. The more I thought about it though the more it pissed me off. When Jorge and I divorced I took the complete blame on my shoulders. I wanted to end the marriage and although I never cheated on Jorge while we were married, when I finally asked for a divorce and he knew that the marriage was over I did fly to Arizona to go away with a man. (long story) In my mind and in my heart I was not cheating because to me my marriage was long since over. To Jorge I had committed a horrendous thing that would never be forgiven. I have lived with that guilt for so long, I carry it with me every day. I know that the divorce was the right thing to do but hurting Jorge was unforgivable. So now the tables are turned. He is the one turning away from an unhappy marriage, he is the one who I am assuming is leaving his wife and is now with someone else. Is it wrong of me to want to hear it from him? I want so much for him to admit that he is human. He is not perfect and that what I did wasn't as bad as I was made to feel. I more than anything else want him to be happy, he deserves to find someone to share his life with, someone he can love and respect. I hope that is what he found.......and yet I want to hear him admit that sometimes in order to be happy you have to hurt those you might not want to hurt. What a strange situation to be in. As the mother to his children do I have the right to ask about his personal life? As his friend do I have the right to know? As his ex wife is it none of my business? Damn it, why do I have the feeling that there is more going on here than I know? I hate not knowing!!

We will be busy tomorrow doing daddy's day stuff but I wanted to take the time to wish a Happy Father's Day to all of the daddies in my life. My dad who I can't wait to visit soon, my stepdad who is the best grandfather in the world, John L. who will soon be my father-in-law and who has made me feel so welcome in his family, and to Marshall who is the best daddy in the world to Anthony and the girls.

I have been thinking of my dad a lot because I am so excited to visit him. We have went through a lot together and I have so many wonderful memories of things we did together. When my parents divorced I was 14 and being a typical teenage girl I fought a lot with my mom so I chose to live with my dad. We moved out to California together and the memories I have of just the two of us are some of the best memories that I think of often. We would get up early every Saturday and go out to eat breakfast. We would then spend the rest of the day at the beach, usually this one, or shopping at the swap meet. I honestly don't remember what we talked about but we would talk nonstop. I remember the night my grandmother passed away. She was in Colorado and my dad wasn't able to get there. We spent the night talking. I remember my dad crying and hugging me so tight as he tried to explain to me how important family is. He told me how special I was to him, how I have always had a special place in his heart as his first born child. At the time I thought I understood what he meant, but the meaning is even more important now that I have my own children. I wish that we lived closer and could see each other more, but I know that I am always in his heart just as he is always in mine. I love you Dad!!

Me and my dad - 1977

Just a quick post while I procrastinate for awhile. I am supposed to be getting ready to go but just can't seem to get motivated. Tonight we are going to take Anthony to the fair. I think he is going to hate it but Marshall insists that he will have fun. We are going to pick up Maria and Jeremy so at least I will have someone to ride the rides with me seeing as how Marshall get's sick just by watching the carousel go around! lol Tonight the Monkee's are playing. I kinda wanted to go but then I changed my mind. We are going to go see Poison when they play. 80's flashback time! hehe The rest of the nights it is all country music and just the thought of it makes me sick. Last time I went to the fair she was singing and just listening to her singing as we sat in the beer gardens made me ill. I am not a country music fan....can ya tell?

On Wednesday we got together with Marshall's family because it was a year to the day that Marshall's mom passed away last year. It was a sad occasion but it was nice to spend the evening with everyone and go out to eat.I always enjoy spending time with his family. We did miss Rocky and Kristy though. It amazes me how after only really knowing everyone a year they feel so much like my family now. I am so grateful for all of them and for all that they have brought to my life and to the lives of my children. I watched as Anthony was fussed over by his new aunts and how he played with his cousin Cameron and I truely believe that Vivienne somehow knows that her family is finally right again.

Let's see.....what else is new? I finally finished this. I am always paranoid about telling people I am working on another site cause I know that I am by no means a professional designer but for now the site serves its purpose and hopefully I will have more time to learn what I don't know. I feel like such a phony even saying I design websites cause I can't even do Flash. Everytime I try I get completey overwhelmed, so I just gave up trying. What in the hell is wrong with me?! Sheesh. Well, I guess I should quit rambling and start getting ready before Marshall comes home and bitches at me for not being ready.

Oh before I forget, I just wanted to say that I love the new design....and I have never thought that your blog sucked! :-) I'm sorry for not being online much. I wish I knew what was wrong with me but I just can't seem to focus on much of anything. I really do miss you! And you too! You are both always in my thoughts and I am just so happy to see how close the two of you have become! :-) But if you guys are planning a trip to Florida you'd better take me with! lol xoxo

Yesterday I was in a very bitchy mood. It has been a long week, I started my period, I have a horrible cold, it was a Monday, Marshall worked in the shop all night, need I go on? lol Anyway, on top of all that the cat decided to piss me off. This cold has been making my nose run like crazy and I used up all of the kleenex in the house. Since I was in no frame of mind to go shopping I resorted to carrying around a roll of toilet paper. I made the mistake of leaving the roll unattended and the cat decided to attack it and rip it all up to shreds. Not only did she make a huge mess but of course my nose was dripping as I had to run to the bathroom for another roll! The final straw was when she jumped on my printer knocking it offline so that she could jump onto the top of my desk so that she could knock all of my pictures off.

I yelled at my cat. I picked her up and threw her into the other room for her own safety. I sulked on the couch and thanks to Anthony I was able to lose my bad mood. After I put him to bed I wrote the girls some letters while I waited for Marshall to finally come in from the shop. As I started getting ready for bed I realized that I hadn't seen my kitty for most of the evening. I asked Marshall if he had seen her and he said no. I figured she was still pouting because I yelled at her so I went to sleep. I woke up at 6am and realized that the cat hadn't jumped on me all night. Usually she wakes me up a few times as she tries to squeeze her way between me and Marshall as we sleep. I jumped out of bed and looked for her everywhere. She was no where to be found.

I had images of my poor kitty running away because I was so mean. I made Marshall go outside and look for her. I remembered my lesson of the last time she was missing (Anthony had hid her in the dryer) and so I looked through every cupboard in the kitchen and bathroom, in the washer and dryer, in the stove, the dishwasher, the toy box, every place I could think of where he might have hidden her. I looked under every bed, called her name, went outside again, still no cat. I start thinking about what I am going to tell the girls when they come home from California and find that I lost their cat! Talk about feeling guilty!

Anthony woke up at 9am. I took him out of his crib and he walked straight to Danielle's dresser drawer and opened it. Guess who walks out? Yep! He had hid the cat in there! I was looking right by there today calling her name and she didn't make a sound. She jumps out of the drawer, stretches and heads straight for her food bowl. I have a strange cat and an even stranger son.

It has been a very busy week here, a very sad week here. I know I have told some of you about my mom's best friend Henry. He has been a very important part of her life for the last 10 years. He has been a good friend to me and to everyone in our family although he was always closest to my mom. On Thursday (the 7th) Henry passed away. He had cancer. He was 75 years old and had lived a wonderful and full life but he was so full of life that it is hard to imagine him not here. I spent most of the night on Wednesday (the 6th) with my mom at the hospital but when he finally passed away she was there alone with him. I think that is the way he would have wanted it.

This has been very hard for her and it is hard for me because I don't know what to say. Is there anything you can say that can help ease the loss of a loved one? Henry did have a son but they weren't very close although I am glad to say that his son did visit Henry a few times before he passed away. I have been helping my mom go through her photos of Henry so that I can make a photo collage to have on display for his funeral. As I go through the photos I can't help but wonder how life goes by so fast. In some pictures Henry is a smiling boy, in the next he is a young man full of life as he poses proudly in his Navy uniform in the next he is smiling cutting a wedding cake with his bride. As I go through the photos I see his life spread across my desk as I scan them and I wonder if that is all there is to life. A few photos, a few smiles, a few heart aches and then what? It is over before you even know it.

As I sit here arranging the photos I wonder who will be going through my photos? When I am gone which photos will be the ones used to remember me with? What memories will I leave behind? Sometimes I seem to get so caught up in the mundane things, cooking dinner, doing laundry, bedtimes and bathtimes, I wonder if I am actually taking the time to appreciate what life really has to offer. When my children look back what will they remember?

I hope that I never take what I have for granted. This morning we had an incredible storm. The sun is finally starting to come out. I am going to take Anthony outside so that we can splash in the puddles together. I think he will remember that more than he would remember if I got all of the laundry done today.

Henry has left my family with a wonderful gift, a gift that we will hold with us always. Whenever I watch a couple twirl gracefully across the dance floor, or take a sip of blackberry brandy, whenever I watch a bird glide through the sky or see a pair of deer nuzzle through the trees, I will think of Henry and I will be thankful for all that he has left us.

First of all I would like to thank all of you for your kind words and support during the last few days. This is always the worst time of year for me but once the girls have made it to California safe and sound I usually feel better. I did talk to them and they had a safe trip. I miss them so much but they will be home before I know it and I have a lot to keep me busy in the mean time! lol

Yesterday was completely exhausting. Me, Marshall, my stepdad, stepsister and stepbrother all gathered in the backyard at 8:00 am Okay, they were outside at 8am, I was in the shower because I refuse to spend a day working unless I shower first. Marshall thought it strange since I was going to get dirty and grimy anyway but to me that is even more reason to shower! lol Anyway, we spent the entire day doing yardwork. We did the usual things, mowed the grass, killed weeds, trimmed trees and bushes, then we moved huge piles of dirt that had been dug up from the ditch last year to the back of the shop to cover electrical boxes that should have been buried two years ago. We also moved rocks from the side of the house to build up the dirt around it so that hopefully we won't flood so often in the basement.

Then Marshall started having fun with the bobcat. He cleared out a huge section of the yard between the house and the shop because we plan to put in patio brick so that I can finally buy a patio set. I am so excited! :-) This was all done around 2:00 we then decided to go into town and pick up the bricks and swing set. We go to Menards (hardware/home store) and find this really cool wooden swingset on sale. It is the one that Jenny and I both liked so we decided to get that one. I picked out the bricks I liked (cobblestone) and my stepdad decideds that instead of buying the sand we need to fill in beneath the bricks at Menards him and Marshall would go get the dump truck and pick up a truckload of sand from a construction supply place he has an account with. He assures Jenny and myself that we would have no problem getting the bricks and swingset home in the truck that we had.

Did I mention that we had borrowed Marshall's dad's new pickup truck? We order the supplys that we needed and we were directed to go to the back yard to pick everything up. I decide to load the bricks first so we head to that section. Jenny goes to find someone to help us load up the bricks while I open the back end of the truck. I look at the cobblestone and see that one entire pallet contains 60 bricks.....we need 72. The guy comes with his forklift and looks at us like we are insane. He explains in slow english as if we are stupid that each brick weighs 50lbs. The entire load would weigh about 2 tons. There is no way in hell I was going to try to load 2 tons of brick into the back of Marshall's dad's truck! Jenny then tells the guy that we also have swingset materials to pick up. Again he looks at us like we are stupid. We tell him to load as many bricks as he thinks the truck will safely hold leaving us enough room for the swingset stuff. He loads 20 bricks. We then head to the lumber section to pick up what we need for the swingset. We find a young kid to help us figure out what in the hell it is we need. He points to a section of wood and says you need 6 of those. He puts a few in and instructs us to help load them in the truck. He then tells us to drive down further and points to another stack and says you need 12 of those. He loads up 2 other boards from a different pile. Jenny added the slide and the truck was completely full. He then says we need 21 pieces of wood from another pile and 8 4x4's among other stuff.

At this point I was hot, tired, thirsty and pissed because my stepdad just left us there to deal with it and we had no way of getting ahold of him to tell him and Marshall to come back with another truck. Jenny says I was overreacting but I don't care. I was so mad I even stole a few of her cigarettes and I called my mom to tell her that her husband was a moron. We finally got ahold of Bill and Marshall and after they dumped the sand they brought the dump truck to haul the rest of the crap. Once I got home and bitched a little more I felt better. lol We worked until late and tonight we will be setting the bricks. Wish us luck and let's hope I don't hurt anyone. hehe

The girls are gone. Their dad picked them up today. They will be spending a month with him in California. The house is empty and quiet. This is always the worst day for me. I see a pair of Danielle's shoes thrown in the corner, Brittany's lip gloss is sitting on the kitchen counter, the juice they forgot to drink left by the sink, Danielle's hula hoop is in the livingroom from when she gave her dad a demonstration before they left and Brittany's jacket that she forgot is hanging on a chair. I am never prepared for them to leave. I wash all of their laundry, pack their bags, buy them stuff they need for the trip, buy them stuff to keep them busy for the airplane ride, give them lectures about wearing seat belts, being nice to their step mom, not eating too much junk food or drinking too much soda. No matter how much I mentally prepare for them to leave, when they give me their last hug and kiss goodbye, I fall apart inside. At least now I have Marshall and Anthony to keep me company. In the beginning it was just me, saying goodbye as I went home alone to any empty apartment. I know that they will have fun but today that doesn't matter much. Right now I just want them home. Marshall and Anthony are sleeping and it is so quiet I think I am going to scream. The tears won't stop and I feel so alone. I know that they will be back soon but right now I think I am just going to cry because I miss them so much and I hate when they are not home. What in the hell am I going to do when the grow up and go to college?!

Here are some pictures we took on Thursday on the last day of school. My stepsister Jenny treated Brittany, Danielle, Tori (Jenny's daughter) and Brittany's best friend Abby to a wonderful day.

First we picked them up in a limo, one of the perks of having a family owned limousine business. :-)

Danielle, Tori, Abby and Brittany

Then we took them to play minature golf

Abby and BrittanyTori and Danielle

Then we took them to a new place called "Clay Your Way". It is a studio where you can paint your own pottery. We had never been there before and we all had a lot of fun!

Brittany and Abby

Danielle and Tori

When we were done we met Marshall, Anthony, my mom and stepdad and the rest of Jenny's family here to eat dinner. The girls had a lot of fun. We spent Friday morning packing and then we picked up my sister and we spent the afternoon with her and Jeremy. We went back to "Clay Your Way" and painted more stuff. You have to keep your stuff there for 7 days so that they can glaze and fire them. I can't wait to see how they turned out! Well, I'd better get to bed. We are all doing yard work tomorrow in preperation for the kids new swingset/playarea. Marshall, my stepdad and my stepbrother are going to build the swingset. I am slightly nervous about it....we don't call my stepdad the "Handyman from Hell" for nothing! lol I'll keep you posted. :-)

Updated 06/02/01 - I had to post this picture from the talent show. The digital camera didn't take great photos in the gym cause it's so dark in there so the quality isn't the best but I still had to share. :-)

The Hula Hoop Girls
Emily, Tori and Danielle

It has been a zoo here! I have been running around like crazy trying to get everything ready for the girls to leave. I only have 2 more days left before they go visit their dad for a month! I am already missing them! :-( I am waiting for them to get out of school (today is their last day) because my stepsister and I are going to take the girls plus Brittany's best friend into town and have some fun. We will meet up with everyone else later tonight for dinner here.

I am always a proud momma but I really have to brag today! :-) hehe Yesterday was the girls talent show and both of my girls did an incredible job. Brittany did a dance/lip sync to The Animal Song with two girls from her class and they did very well. This year though Danielle, her cousin Tori and their friend Emily stole the show!!! The girls put together a hula hoop act to a song from this movie and they were incredible. All three of them hula hooped together and none of them dropped their hoop! Everyone was screaming and clapping. They were so cute!

Brittany was also scheduled to sing a solo of this song but they ran out of time for about 10 acts so they had to postpone them until this morning before the awards ceremony. I really have no clue where she gets it from but my daughter has this incredible voice. She blows me away everytime she sings. As she got up to sing I heard someone behind me comment about what a wonderful voice she has. She was of course incredible although I could tell on her face that she thought she had made a mistake. She is so hard on herself. I was in a trance watching her, I'm always afraid to look away just in case she should need to look at me. When she was younger she would do that when she was singing so that she wouldn't be nervous. I didn't notice but my stepsister noticed that Brittany had brought the music teacher as well as a few parents to tears. lol....okay I'm almost done bragging! hehe The girls each got awards for earning the state reading certificate and Brittany got an award for winning first place in a North Dakota Council on the Arts poster drawing contest. Poor Brittany was a little upset because she has always wanted to win an award for perfect attendance. She came so close.......she only missed half a day the day we took Gilly to the airport when he left for boot camp. I have never in my life even came close to perfect attendance! Marshall thinks they should still give it to her! lol Okay, done bragging...........for now! hehe *S*

No I haven't fallen off of the planet. I think I must have been in shock for a few days after the fire and when I finally snapped out of it I realized that I had slightly over a week before my daughters leave to spend a month with their dad in California. Jorge will be picking them up on June 2nd and they will be gone until July 2nd. This last week is always the hardest because I know I am going to miss them but at the same time I seriously need a break. They are of course really excited to go visit. Jorge is going to take them to Disneyland and they will also get to visit the new California Adventure park. I hope this visit goes better than last summer. Last summer was their second visit with their new stepmom and it did not go well. Hopefully this year will be better.

We had a very busy weekend. Here's a quick recap.

Friday: We spent Friday once again cleaning up a flooded basmenet. This time the sump pump went out. Not fun. We bought a new sumppump and spent the evening cleaning up water and wet rugs. Marshall of course has to mention that last Friday was the fire, this Friday was a flood, we are both concerned about what next Friday will bring. I'm betting for a tornado. lol

Saturday: Saturday was a busy day. We spent the day painting the livingroom and getting stuff done around the house. We put the kids to work even though I think I might have heard mumblings about child labor laws. To reward our hard work Marshall made dinner. Barbequed ribs and porkchops with this. If you haven't tried this you really should. It is so good!! Even Danielle loved it and she is picky. We then loaded the kids up into the car and headed into town. We drove by the cemetary where Marshall's two infant sons are buried. They are both from his first marriage. It is always hard for Marshall to visit but I am glad he still takes the time to stop there. After we spent some time there we took the kids to the park to play and then we went here for ice cream. We came back home and the kids played with their cousins outside until it was time to go to bed. Danielle talked me into letting her cousin Tori sleepover and we all watched movies until 1:00am.

Sunday: Sunday was a relaxing day. We didn't do much but my mom did watch Anthony so that we could take the girls to see this. What a fun movie. I can't remember laughing so hard at a kids movie.

Monday: Happy Memorial Day! Since this will be the last entire we spend all together before the girls leave we wanted to make sure it was fun. We took the kids to the Red River Zoo, it's not a large zoo but we had a lot of fun. The kids fed the animals and we put them on the carousel. Anthony was not impressed! He hung onto me for dear life and was more than happy to get off. He did enjoy watching from the sidelines when the girls went for a second ride. lol After the zoo we went out to eat at one of our favorite Chinese restaurant and then we came home and watched tv.

When I actually write down what we did this weekend it doesn't sound too exciting hehe but that is OK with me! After all of the excitement of last weekend I will settle for quiet and relaxing! I hope you all had a fun and safe weekend!

Thank you to everyone for their concern over our mishap. :-) Friday was a very strange day, it all kind of happened in a blur. I do remember having two (or was it three? lol) VERY stiff Jack 'n Cokes at Buffalo Wild Wings. Believe me I needed them, I was a nervous wreck!! We didn't even attempt to clean up until Saturday. Instead on Friday we took the kids to the park and just enjoyed a wonderful evening being thankful that the fire wasn't worse than it could have been. This whole mess has prompted major cleaning around here. I have this strange urge to paint, clean, scrub everything in sight. I am washing quite a bit of laundry because just about everything seems to smell like smoke esp. in the kids room because my desk is right next to their room. I couldn't bring myself to clean up my office area so Marshall did it for me. The weird thing about the fire is that the wax from the candle seemed to have exploded everywhere. There is wax splattered on the walls, ceiling, and all over the floor. Not just dripped wax but splotches of wax every where as if the candle exploded. The candle had coffee beans on it and we have found coffee beans wedged in weird places as if they were flung there by force. We really can't explain it but are just thankful that it wasn't worse than it was. Thank you again for all of your kind thoughts, they really helped to make a horrible day much better. Before I forget: here are the before and after photos of my poor desk.

BEFORE

AFTER

One of the first things Marshall did when he moved in with us was get a fire extinguisher. He mounted it next to the stove. My response?

I was HIGHLY insulted. Good grief....was my cooking THAT bad? Sheesh

I relegated the extinguisher to the broom closet and forget all about it.

Last night I stood up late. I couldn't sleep. I was up playing here. About 2:00am I decided I should get to bed. I turned off all the lights and laid down next to Marshall thankful that it was a cool breezy night. I had a hard time going to sleep. Weird, strange, scary images kept flashing through my mind. I remember thinking that I should get up because something just felt weird. I ignored my feelings and finally fell asleep.

Have you ever woken up and thought you were in a dream? I woke up at 6:00am to a high pitch screeching and I immediately jumped out of bed. It was the strangest thing but I knew instantly what was wrong.

Fire

I ran out of my room and saw my desk up in flames. Not just a little fire but huge flames shooting up and spreading up the wall. I screamed for Marshall and he came running out. I froze. I couldn't move. I started babbling something about the fire extinguisher and he ran to the broom closet, got the extinguisher and quickly put it out. Fire alarms are still screeching and the house quickly fills with thick acrid smoke. Did I mention he sleeps with no clothes on? Here he is extinguisher in hand and buck naked. I quickly brought his pants. We open the front door and all windows. Anthony started crying so I took him to the closest window and sat holding him as Marshall cleared all of the smoldering debris off of my desk. I can still see the fire in my mind. Dancing flames shooting up around my computer monitor. I am in complete shock. It takes some time before I get the courage to see the damage.

Everything on my desk is pretty much gone. Papers, bills, shit, everything up in ashes. I look around and see ashes everywhere. If you look at my computer monitor from the front or the right side view it looks perfect.....look around to the left side and it is completely melted. Amazingly it still works! My computer desk, which at one time I complained that we got ripped off on, kept everything else underneath from burning and because it has a shelf up above it pretty much kept the fire contained.

Did I mention I had forgotten to blow out a candle burning on my desk? How many times have I heard my stepfather bitch about candles? I always laughed him off. Now I look at the damage on my desk and realize how lucky I was. Everyone is safe, no one was hurt, it could have been a hell of a lot worse than it was. My stepsister came downstairs (our house is a duplex, she lives upstairs) freaking out. I don't blame her. In my panic I completely forgot that smoke rises. Her house filled with smoke as well and the worst part? She has been telling my stepdad that she needs smoke alarms and she doesn't have any! As you can probably imagine she was slightly upset. I don't blame her.

Maybe 15 minutes passed after the fire is out and my mom calls. She of course already knows about it. Her concern? That my stepfather was going to be upset. Did I mention he hates candles? I understand what she was saying but give me a F***ing break! I am just so thankful that my kids are safe and no one was hurt that at this point I don't give a shit what he says. Does she think that I don't already feel like shit over this? She asked me what I was going to tell him? Give me a break! What should I tell him? That my computer just spontaneously combusted? Sorry for the sarcasm here but I am slightly stressed.

Through all of this Marshall stood calm. I'm glad one of us was. Considering that he once had a house burn completely to the ground because of his exgirlfriends kids playing with matches I think he took it quite well. He keeps calling me from work to see if I am ok. He keeps telling me that this happened for a reason and that because of it we will always be more careful that could/would prevent a bigger tragedy in the future. He keeps telling me that the Gods were looking out for us. For that I am thankful.

I took a picture of my computer but in the chaos my printer which I use to download my digital pics got disconnected. Once I get it up and running I will post a before and after photo of my poor desk. No damage other than melting plastic to my computer monitor. Isn't that amazing? I am just in complete shock! lol Did I say that already? Even the walls aren't damaged other than the mess made by the extinguisher. You know something? Until Marshall moved in I have NEVER had a fire extinguisher in my house! I am telling you right now....if you don't have one in your house GET ONE!!!

And of course.... don't forget to blow out your candles.

Okay, now I think I am going to go have a nervous breakdown!

Strawberry Shortcake

Holly Hobby

Captain Kangaroo

Fraggle Rock

Monchichi

Nostalgia at it's best!

I had something to post....something trivial and I have no clue now what it was about.
I signed on to Blogger and found this.....



I did not know Kaycee. Today was my first visit to her page. Thank you Kaycee for sharing your sunshine with me......I am smiling......and my room is shining brighter than ever. I feel as if I have no right to cry but the tears still seem to come. You have touched my heart and soul. You are an inspiration to so many people and I am in awe of your strength. You truely are a warrior. My thoughts and prayers are with your mom and your family and friends.

The girls came home from school early today. The lights kept going out at school......something about the air conditioner, I don't know exactly why. So the parents tea I was supposed to attend (a thank you from the school to parent volunteers) has been postponed until tomorrow. Anyway, Brittany needs to talk to me ALONE. Whenever she tells her little sister that she needs to go away so that we can talk I feel a slight panic. It's either about boys or female issues. It's not the I have a problem discussing any of those things with her but I am just not ready for my 10 year old to have questions on these issues. Shouldn't she still be playing with dolls or something? The discussion today (we have these discussions a couple of times a week) was periods. Her best friend thinks she is about to have her period ANY DAY NOW. And has resorted to wearing pads to school just to be on the safe side. Brittany is concerned that maybe she should too. I explain to her that she probably doesn't have to worry yet. My mom didn't have her first one until high school and I was one of the last of my friends to get mine. She sighs with relief because she is just not ready. I explain to her what she should do just in case she should get it at school. I always remember my poor friend Patty who was the first of the girls to get her period. She was in 4th grade and went to the teacher and told her that she was bleeding. The teacher announced in front of the entire class that she was having her period. She was teased horribly by the boys all though elementary school. I told Brittany if she should start at school to go straight to the nurse and have the nurse call me in case she needs a change of clothes. I have this fear that I won't be there for her first period. I started mine over a summer vacation and I was at my grandmother's house. It was scary and all I can remember was my grandmother asking my aunt very loudly...."Does she know how to clean herself?" Good grief.......I spent that entire week freaking out that I was doing something wrong but afraid to ask for fear that someone might come in the bathroom to show me how. So now I worry that Brittany will have her first period while she is in California visiting her dad for the summer. I know that she will be prepared....she has asked me enough questions, but I really hope that I am there so that I can take her out to lunch and we can have a "woman to woman" talk. I know that whenever it happens she will be ready for it.....let's just hope that I am!

I couldn't sleep last night. It is starting to get hot and I am already wishing for snow. I think I really should be living in Alaska. I can't sleep in hot weather. I made Marshall switch places with me in bed last night because his side is closer to the window. I spent half the night feeling like I was suffocating. And I am going to go to California in the middle of July? I must be insane!! But yes we are going. We are driving cross country with three kids to go and visit my dad for two weeks. I really must be insane! lol

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day! One guess what I spent my day doing? Yup....ended up going to my mom's house to do yard work. lol I guess that Mom's Day guilt still works no matter how old you are. At least it does on me. Marshall was a good sport about it and he in fact did most of the work along with my stepfather. There were many bushes that needed to get pulled so he took the bobcat over and had fun playing. My sister and I made the food for the barbeque and all in all it was a wonderful day. The kids surprised me with breakfast in bed...coffee and blueberry muffins. This mom's day stuff is so much more fun now that Brittany can bake. lol They bought me wonderful gifts thanks to Marshall and my mom taking them shopping and best of all every time they started to fight I could tell them they had to stop because it was Mother's Day. lol..... hmmm...... I blogged before about Mother's day being a conspiracy.... I think I am now part of it. I feel a slight (notice the word slight) twinge of guilt over using the mom's day ploy to my benefit but since it has been around for as long as there have been Hallmark cards and bouquets of flowers who I am to break with tradition?

Marshall took the ATM card with him today. I need to go shopping and don't have any cash. He wants me to go to his job site and pick it up. I said no. Why? I have this thing against spouses going to thier sig. other's place of work. I think it comes from working with Marshall and before we were dating having to deal with his girlfriend at the time visiting. She was (is) such a bitch and it was so annoying to have to see her walk in, she was always making a scene and she completely hated me. lol..... I don't know why? *innocent look* It wasn't just her, maybe it was because I was the only woman working there I was territorial about "my guys" but everytime a wife/girlfriend would walk in they would get on my nerves.

The other reason I feel this way is when I was working I hated when other's I was dating would just stop in, it is annoying as hell. To me work is a private place, a place that should not get mixed up with home life. And the phone calls...damn I hated the phone calls...you shouldn't call your spouse at work unless a)someone has died b)someone is about to die or c)you want to die. The people who answer the phones at your spouses place of work do NOT want to take personal messages..... I'm sorry but I really don't care that your cat is sick. They also do NOT want to talk to your children who are home alone, or listen to you bitching that they are late, or hear any other detail of your mundane life. When you pick up the phone and hit the speed-dial button stop and think. Is this an emergency? If not.....HANG UP! Okay, so that's my public service announcement for the day. All of you husbands/wifes/boyfriends/girlfriends who have co-workers wanting to shoot you because your sig. other is annoying as hell can forward this message to them (the annoying spouse) and then you can send me a thank you note. hehe

So anyway, I am going to go into town and meet Marshall when he is done with work. After shopping we are going to come home, grill steaks and watch a movie. Oh yeah.....and take our phone off the hook! :-) In case I don't get by here tomorrow.......I'd like to wish you all a VERY HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

blogger is still not working......at least it is saving my posts so that when it is finally up and running there will be lots to read.

We had a wonderful night. We went here to eat and because they were so packed we ended up eating outside on the terrace. The kids had a lot of fun and I enjoyed two of their huge, yummy margarita's. We went shopping and then took the kids out to Dairy Queen. Then we came home and I realized.......shit.... I forgot about Mother's Day. I mean, no I didn't forget but I did forget to buy something for my mom. I bought her something from the kids already but nothing from me so I guess I'd better go shopping again. My mom wants us to go to her house for mother's day and do her yard work and plant flowers. I feel like a horrible daughter but I don't want to. Isn't this supposed to be my mother's day too? Is it selfish of me to not want to spend my mother's day working on her yard when my own yard looks like crap? I told my sister how I felt about it and she told my mom so when my mom called today she sounded mad. Am I just being paranoid? It's hard to say. I just can always sense when she is mad at me. I know I am going to feel guilty but I really don't feel like spending my mother's day at her house. I need time for my own little family. I want to just pack us all up in the car and drive to the lakes and have a picnic. I know that if I do go to her house tomorrow when I really don't want to I will be a total bitch and piss her off. Why is it sometimes so hard to get along with her? I mean, I love her more than anything but as I get older I sometimes feel as if she is too demanding. Or is it that I am just getting to be more of a bitch? Or is it that I am just so much like her we are clashing? I don't know. I know her mom drives her nuts and yet she doesn't understand that the traits in her mom that annoys her have passed on to her and are annoying me. Why don't I just talk to her about it? Good question. Probably because she will get mad and I will get mad and then I will have to apologize and it's just too much of a headache. I have a headache just thinking about it. So what do you think? Should I be a good daughter and go work in her yard for mom's day or should I do what I want to do and take her out to brunch and then spend the rest of the day with my family? Better yet, how about I crawl into bed and you can wake me when mom's day is over. I hate holidays sometimes. Mother's day is just an overrated holiday invented by card companies and mom's who want to make you feel guilty for being a horrible, ungrateful son/daughter.

I finally get around to updating my blog and blogger goes down. Hopefully this will go through finally...

Feeling much better today. Marshall will be home early today (YEAH) and we are going to go out to dinner. I am just so excited to have him home for most of the evening. I spent last night pouting because he was home late again.....I know it's not his fault but damn it I have been patient all week, I think I am entitled to a little whining! lol We are supposed to go out with Nick and Chris tomorrow night, Chris is graduating tomorrow. I'm not sure if we will be able to make it though because of course Marshall has to work.

I am feeling really blah today. Marshall has been working late every day this week. I am used to having his complete attention every evening and for the last week he has came home late, ate, and fell asleep. I think he might have kissed me once or twice but I am starting to feel neglected! lol I need an adult conversation.......anything other than Anthony's constant "why's"!! It's not like he is the only person I can talk to....but he is the only person I want to talk to. Besides, I have been stuck cooking dinner every night this week and for those of you who know me you know how scary that can be! I filled the house with smoke yesterday and I was only boiling water! I'm not joking! It is very sad, poor Anthony was running around waving his hands in front of his face. Thankfully he should be back to normal hours next week and then he better be prepared to listen to me whining! I don't like feeling neglected.......I don't like cooking........and damn it I don't like him being gone so much! Sheesh......I sound pathetic! lol It's his fault. He's the one who spoiled me so now he'd better just put up with me. hehe

Did you know that Wite Out was almost impossible to get off of skin? Anthony decided to try to become invisible. He painted himself from head to toe. He must have taken the advertising to heart: "Wite-Out® brand correction fluid is your choice when you have large areas to be corrected." His legs, arms and chest are covered with huge white blotches. I gave him a bath and no amount of scrubbing would get it off. The scary part is I can't find the bottle he used! I know it's somewhere in my house and I know when I find it I will find walls, carpet, furniture, and/or toys covered in it as well.

Marshall handed me the newspaper yesterday. It was the page of wedding announcements. I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to be looking for until I saw an announcement with his last name in it. His son is getting married. His son has refused to talk to him since Marshall's ex wife left him. I have never met his children and probably never will, they have no desire to have any contact with their dad or anyone in his family thanks to vicious lies told to them by their mom.

I must be honest and say that when we first met I was slightly wary of stories told to me by Marshall regarding his exwife. I mean, what person is ever completely honest when it comes to their ex? Stories told are always the ones that make the ex out to be the bad guy not the other way around. It wasn't until talking to Marshall's parents and sisters that I was able to see the whole picture about what kind of person his ex wife is.

As to what really happened between Marshall and his ex wife, I have no desire to know. But what I do know is that he is an incredible dad to Anthony and a wonderful step dad to my daughters and I feel so guilty because his kids will probably never see that side to him. All they see is the evil man their mother painted for them. Who does that to their kids? No matter how horrible a man is as a husband you don't make your kids pay for that by filling them with hate for their father. My own dad was not so good as a husband to my mom, he was at times physically abusive, but NEVER did she fill us with hate towards him not even during their ugly, bitter divorce. I know Marshall, I know what kind of person he is and I know how much it hurts him to not be a part of his kids life. How much it hurt him to look at that wedding announcement and see his son's picture, grown, handsome and to know that he will probably never be a part of his son's life.

"We should go," he jokingly said
"How about we send some money?" I answered
"Yeah, we will do that," he answered as he set the paper down and walked away.

I wish I could talk to his kids, I wish I could tell them what a wonderful person their father is. But they would hate me. I'm not much older than they are, their own mother could be my mother. So I sit here feeling guilty because their father is now the father to my son. Maybe someday they will realize that not all of the truths they believe are factual, maybe someday they will think of their dad not with hate but with curiosity and contact him, maybe someday they will see that he is a person who loves them.

I got my candles yesterday!!!! I was so excited, I have the coffee one on my desk right now but I want to find some new candle holders for the other ones. Anthony thought they smelled so good he wanted to take a bite of one! lol Luckily I got them away in time.

I am so depressed!! I am a flippin' MINI VAN! Who in the hell is a mini van? Why couldn't I have been something cool like a pickup truck or a convertable? Oh well........at least I'm not a station wagon.

Next month (June) my mom's sister is going to visit us. I am very much looking forward to her visit because I haven't seen her in many years. My aunt is bringing her girlfriend. Yes, my aunt is a lesbian. I have no problem with this, I am just happy that she is happy. My dilema? My daughters have not met her and I'm not too sure if I should explain it to them or just see if they notice and ask about it? My children are aware that some people love people of the same sex in a way other than friendship (lol...wow...that was hard to word) hey they watch "Will and Grace" they are familiar with the term gay and because I don't find it to be a big deal neither do they. Should I just not say anthing and see if they ask? Or should I just bring it out in the open so that if they do see affection between my aunt and her girlfriend they don't feel confused by it? I know that I have plenty of time to prepare for this but the girls will be leaving to visit their dad soon and they will come home after my aunt is already here. Any comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Water. I really do love it.....just not when it is covering my living room! We live in the basement half of a house that has been converted into a duplex. Yesterday morning we woke up with water in the kitchen and livingroom because something jammed up the sump pump. What something you ask? Potatos! Marshall pulled out half of a bag of potatos that had been floating around the sump pump just waiting to get stuck so that we could once again wake up to water. A certain daughter of mine decided that it was too much trouble to put the potatos away properly so she just threw them into the cupboard which led to half of the bag rolling off of the shelf into the sump pump. Don't ask.....our apartment was planned and constructed by idiots.

We decided to go into town and get some cleaning supplies so that we could get everything clean and we sort of took our time. Neither one of us was looking forward to coming back and cleaning up water once again. Yes this has happened before......too many times to count. Not just because of the sump pump but for numerous reasons that are all due to us living in a basement. When we finally came home it was only to find more water, this time in the bathroom. Did I mention that it was raining all day? So the entire night was spent cleaning up floors and throwing away icky soggy stuff. Today is being spent washing various clothes, rugs, towels that had been left on the floor. I just love spring time in North Dakota. :-P

Talk about terrified. Last night I watched as my two sweet, dainty daughters beat the hell out of a watermelon! Well, the watermelon was a piñata so I know they were supposed to beat it but never in my life have I seen such a change over them! Brittany is usually so sweet and quiet and she got that stick in her hand and she scared the hell out of me! She is standing there with her cute little tank top that says "Angel" across the front and she swings the stick with a determined look and "CRACK" right across the middle of it. It really was very scary. Next it was Danielle's turn in her bright yellow t-shirt that fittingly says, "90% Angel" and again I am shocked at how as soon as she gets the stick in her hand her whole persona changes she goes from a sweet angel to an avenging angel that is going to beat the hell out of a watermelon! lol I think Anthony must has been just as scared as I was because he whacked it a few times but for the most part he hid. Of course he was the first one out there when the candy finally fell out. And then I watched as my children attacked each other over handfulls of candy! Aaahhhh.......the traditions of Cinco de Mayo! Hope you all had a wonderful and safe day.

Okay, I don't usually post links just because but I can't seem to concentrate on any one thing today. Even though I have a zillion things to do, I am just aimlessly wandering. It wasn't for nothing though....look at all the cool stuff I found. lol

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Mandatory Reading: Summer Shoe Pledge
Thanks Betty :-)

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They seriously need one of these in North Dakota....do you know how far I would have to go to get one?!

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Secretly eating boogers?

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Good grief! This takes the "I don't have anything to wear" complaint to a whole new level!

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The Twelfth Sign.....



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Stay tuned for more.....

Have you ever been in a situation where your child says something that makes you want to strangle them? lol....hey if you're a mom of course they have and if they haven't they probably can't talk yet. hehe Here is what happened:

The day before yesterday my stepsister asked me to come upstairs and talk to her. She has been majorly stressed. She is the main source of income for her family, she is a full time college student (straight A's, it's very disgusting lol), she also runs full time (with her husband) my mom and stepdad's limousine company. To say that she is busy is an understatement. She was very upset because she feels like everything is getting juggled and she isn't spending enough time with her kids. It is final's week so I understand the stress. She is not a bad mother but of course every mom at one time or another feels like they are a bad mother, or at least I do. So I reassure her the best I can but I know it's still bothering her.

Okay, so yesterday was Danielle and Brittany's Girl Scout ceremony for the girls that were bridging. Jenny's daughter Tori is also in their troop. Her and Danielle are the same age and usually get along very well. The girls are lining up practicing for the ceremony and I am standing behind them looking at the badges, pins etc. to give out. Anyway, I hear Danielle say ".....she doesn't care about you." I didn't catch the first part but I heard Tori respond, "Yes she does, she is just busy with work." I knew instantly what Danielle had said. I grabbed her hand and dragged her in the corner and asked her to repeat what she said to me. She told me that she had told Tori that Jenny wasn't there because she doesn't care about Tori. I was shocked that she would say that and intentionally hurt her cousin that way. She was instantly sorry but of course that doesn't change what she said. She went back and hugged Tori and apologized and I gave Tori a hug and told her not to listen to Danielle.

When we got home I had to tell Jenny what Danielle had said. In light of what we had talked about the night before I knew this would really upset her, which it did. Not at Danielle but at herself because of course it just made her feel even more guilty. I felt so horrible. I mean, what could I say? My daughter is a brat! Jenny was very understanding but I still feel so bad. I made Danielle apologize to Jenny too. I don't know what she said because I wasn't there but Danielle came home and I could tell she had been crying, she felt really bad. She gave me a hug and apologized to me too. She asked me if we could take Tori out to eat with us because we were on our way out so I of course said yes. I don't know if taco's and ice cream will fix it but everyone seemed happy. lol

Yes..... I have finally added comments. Feel free to add yours - pleeeeeeaaaaaaazzzzzzzeeeeee - It's getting lonely in here! lol

I can't believe the week is almost over! It has been so crazy around here and I just can't seem to get into the swing of things. It's like I'm watching things from afar and I know I should be doing/saying/whatever more but I just can't seem to make myself do it. At the beginning of the school year I was helping out all the time at school and yesterday I almost forgot to make treats for the girls gardening class and now as I was typing this I thought....... oh shit! The girls have their Girl Scout bridging ceremony tonight and I completely forgot about it even though I was just talking about it last night to Jenny! Sheesh.....I'm the freaking co-leader you think I would remember that! I don't know what it is...... I just need a major break. Jorge called yesterday and he is going to pick up the girls on June 2nd and they will be back from California on July 2nd. I always hate to see them go but if I am perfectly honest I also look forward to it. I always feel like a horrible mom when I say that but it's true. By the time summer comes around I really need a break and I know they need a break from me too. It is so nice because I miss them when they are gone and I am always looking forward to them coming home. I usually fix up their rooms for them buy new posters, bedding, paint whatever I have time/money to do. They look forward to seeing what I have done to their rooms and I have fun doing it for them. So hopefully I will be able to get myself together during that month they are gone.........now I just need to get rid of Anthony! hehe Before I know it he will be old enough to ship off to visit my dad and then Marshall and I can be "single" folks.....for a short time anyway.

More headaches with apartment hunting! I am thinking that we might just stay put..... I am so sick of this crap.

OMG.......... Look at what my stepsister Jenny won! lol
The store across the street had a drawing for this and I never did enter it because I was afraid I might win lol so imagine my surprise when Marshall came home from buying me some coffee to tell me that Jenny had won. She thinks she might give it away as a prize for my neice Tori's birthday...... I told her that sounded good as long as she fixes it so that my kids do NOT win!

The girls had their spring concert on Tuesday. Brittany had a solo and she was incredible!! I have no idea where she gets her voice from because I can't sing a note. Anthony even tells me to be quiet when he hears me singing! lol Danielle was also in the concert and she was so cute up there on that huge stage. For part of the performance the younger kids had to sit still on the bleachers as the older children performed. As you can imagine it can be awfully hard for 30-1st graders to sit still for any length of time. I looked at Danielle and was surprised to see her "I am going to hurt some one" look on her face. It didn't take long to figure out the cause. lol She was sitting next to this little boy named William. He was so cute with a suit jacket and a bright red tie. He was also very absorbed in the music that the older kids were singing and he was swinging his hands in rhythm.......everytime he moved his hands he touched Danielle's shoulder or hair. He wasn't hurting her but she kept moving over away from him as far as she could which of course didn't keep him from touching her long hair. lol I was seriously worried that she was going to punch him she looked so mad! hehe Thankfully some of my "don't hit" lectures got through (I just wish they would regarding her big sister lol) because she didn't hit him. Although I did find out when I asked her about it later that she "accidentally" stepped on his foot. After the concert we went out to eat to treat the kids to ice cream and guess who was there? lol William and his family. He made his mom bring him over to our table so he could say hi to Danielle. It was so cute. hehe Danielle did admit on the way home that William was handsome in his suit........but she said "Don't let it fool you mom.......he is still a pest"

Okay.....you asked about those products that we will not subsitute with any other brand. The ones that you would rather go without other than using an inferior brand. I am a sucker for name brands..... lol.... I won't even buy tape unless it's this tape. I am really bad when it comes to food..... I hate store brand or generic items.....if it's not a national name I won't buy it. Marshall and I have a hard time shopping together. His motto when grocery shopping is the cheaper the better...... my motto is I am feeding this to my kids and they deserve the best. If he were to pick out a can of pineapple he would get this on the other hand I would get this. He is slowly learning how to shop like me. lol In fact the other day he came home with this as opposed to this. hehe

Liz - Congratulations on your Grand Opening, I am so excited for you!! I placed my order yesterday and I can't wait to get it! The coffee bean pillar is going to look great on my desk and I can't wait to smell these (Coco Lime Cooler) and this (cinnamon drip candle) should be yummy!!

Graphic by Countryside Heaven

We had lots of fun last night......but no I didn't get falling down drunk. Sorry honey, maybe next time. lol Chris and Nick are lot's of fun to drink with........Big John was with but he ditched us for a teeny bopper........and I don't care what you say John......there is no way that chickie is over 16! hehe I think you better do an ID check.

Marshall and I have a date tonight which we desperately need. My mom is going to watch the kids so that we can get away from here. We are going to dinner and then we are going to meet some friends for drinks. Since Marshall is the designated driver I plan to get completely intoxicated. lol He keeps complaining that he never sees me drunk, he doesn't understand that when I get drunk I don't fall down and slur my words. Most people can't tell when I am drunk.......the one way to tell is for some reason I start hitting people. I don't mean punching them, I mean shoving them (Think Elaine on Seinfeld... Get Out! ). LOL......ask my mom how many times I accidently shoved her off her bar stool. hehe

Hello......if you heard any screaming, yelling, crashing or other signs of distress, please ignore them as they coudn't possibly have been me. I don't have a bit of temper......just ask Marshall. lol (Please excuse me as I dodge the bolt of lightening heading towards me as I tell such a blatent lie hehe)
Welcome to my new blog home. I will slowly, when I have the time, transfer my files from Geocities to here (Inferno Dezigns). I just have a feeling (with all the rumers going on) that my poor webpage will be homeless soon. I had a bit of a problem getting everything transfered but from here on out I am sure everything will be peaceful and calm. Nothing to worry about..........well except for this computer flying your way if it pisses me off again anytime soon. Don't worry, I'll tell you when to duck!

~!@#$%%*# I know I am doing something really stupid......why in the hell won't this transfer?

Okay.........let's hope this works!
Okay.......let's try again
What is it that they say about third time being the charm? keep your fingers crossed lol
Damn it! Maybe it was the fourth time is the charm?

what the hell?

Shit.....I guess I am moving. By the time you read this I should be established at my new home. Which if this goes the way I think it will, it will be just the start of a long move ahead.

Okay......I couldn't get anything to post last night so hopefully this will work today. Otherwise I am going to have to think of moving my site which I do NOT want to do right now.

Darn......is it Blogger........or is Geocities giving me fits again? I can't seem to get anything to post. By the way.......if you hear music on my site it's no thanks to Geocities........I uploaded my music files to my own server because as most of you have probably noticed Geocities doesn't seem to be supporting sound files anymore. I really have to move this site........but I have been here for so long **pout** it just wouldn't be the same anywhere else. I guess I can integrate this page with Inferno Dezigns but I just don't know if I want to....any ideas/suggestions? Help! LOL

After my browsing today (see previous post) I have fairies and dragons dancing in my head. I have decided that the kids and I are going to work on a fairy house. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Speaking of dragons.....Anthony is in big trouble. Marshall has (had) an unopened collector Tarot card set of dragons and guess who found it and decided to open it today? The cards are still okay but he ripped into the cases and tore them. That kid can tear apart an entire house in 5 seconds flat! I can already hear the phone calls I will be getting when he starts school! lol

OMG......how could I have been on the internet for as long as I have been and never have found this page?! I am simply enchanted! If you have any appreciation of art you will be amazed as I have been with this incredible compilation of talent. The art is fantasy art - dragons, fairies, elves.....I am completely in love!
WARNING: Any of you who have a problem with the human body in it's original form (without clothing) will probably want to skip this site....... I wouldn't want to offend any particular group and/or person......and before you send me any letters....(YES - I do find this art family friendly and NO - I do not find the naked body in the form of art to be offensive) ...with that said...

©Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

Here are a few of my favorites: Which can all be found at Elfwood Stephanie Pui-Mun Law Linda Bergkvist Joseph Barnhard Richard Thomas Lankes Jose M. Rodriguez Ursula Vernon Elisabeth Mitchell Janet J.E. Chui Thomas F. Abrahamsson Founder of Elfwood

Did I tell you we had snow this weekend? The worst part is that my family blames it on me! Friday night we went to rent movies and the shopping center where the video store is at had these beautiful trees covered in gold lights. I said how pretty they were and that I was ready for snow and Christmas time to be here. Everyone got mad at me for even saying it and then when we woke up falling snow on Sunday they all of course blamed it on me! As if I could cause it to snow! lol

Well......for those of you wondering about our house. We did not get it. The moron decided to sell if to someone else AFTER we had the downpayment together! Sheesh..... I was so pissed off. Not that he sold it to someone else because he had someone willing to pay cash for it so in that regard I can't blame him BUT he told us that the house was ours as soon as we had the downpayment and on the day we had arranged to go see him he was suddenly not around. He didn't return our calls but just kept putting us off via his teenage son. After three days of not being able to find him we finally find out again through his teenage son that the house was sold. I have never seen Marshall so mad, the worst part was when the guy called back and lied that he had been trying to reach us. Marshall's cell phone has caller id and the guy never called, when Marshall pointed this out the guy quickly says that he called us on our home number......funny how he could have done that because we never gave it to him and our number is not listed. After a few hours of being upset I realized that it just wasn't meant to be. First of all the town was a long drive from here which of course Marshall would have to do every day to get to work plus all traveling was on a two lane highway which would NOT be fun in the middle of a blizzard......lol.....as you can see I talked myself out of wanting it which under the circumstances is the best I can do. We are still looking but houses that we can afford esp. with our not so wonderful credit are few and far between.

Part Three - The Restaurant: I was mooned! I have never in my life been mooned.......well not by someone I didn't know at least! lol After we left the hospital (see Part Two below) Marshall and I both decide to go grab something to eat. Neither one of us had eaten dinner and since we were both starting to wake up we decided to stop at a 24 hour diner not far from the hospital. We are seated at a booth and we had just got done ordering when a large group of teenagers started walking in........they kept coming and coming. The filled up the entire back section and it was so loud we had to practically shout to hear each other. Marshall remembered that it was a prom night and most of these kids had probably came from a post prom party. (At this time it is 2:00 am) We are eating our food when I glanced up and seen this kid leap through the air and fall on his back. I still have no idea what in the hell he was trying to do but his friends all thought it was funny. They kept urging him to do it again. I watched in fascination as he put a chair in the middle of the aisle and went to the opposite side to take a running leap. Just as he was about to run the manager came by so the kid sat down at the table closest to him. An older guy was sitting there eating by himself and they start talking like they are old friends. Marshall meanwhile is oblivious to the whole thing because his back is facing the kids. The waitress goes to the table where this kids friends are and starts to take their order. Next thing I know the guy is running down the aisle, jumps on the chair and goes flying through the air, sails past the waitresses head and lands on his back with a loud crash on the top of the table. The poor waitress freaked out and ran away. She had no clue what was going on. He sat down as all his friends screamed and clapped and the manager comes out. The manager is a younger guy and took it all in good stride. He just told the kid to stay seated or he was gonna get strapped in a highchair. I have been at many different restaurants, my friends used to go out and eat and at times would get sorta wild but NEVER did we do anything like that! Marshall and I are finishing up our coffee and trying to have a conversation in the midst of all the noise when I notice a young guy walking past me. He is walking kinda strange and I notice his pants are sagging down below his butt and his sweatshirt is pulled down low. He makes eye contact with me, smiles, walks past Marshall and soon as he is in my line of vision he pulls up his sweatshirt and moons me! His whole entire white ass is sticking out! Then he turns around to make sure I saw and smiled at me! I just sat there speechless and Marshall has no idea what happened. I just started laughing....it was pretty funny. So on that note we went home and I was finally able to go to bed! So........how was your Friday?

Part Two - The Hospital: After the movie Marshall thinks it would a wonderful idea to go out for some coffee and pie. I reply that there is not a chance in hell that I am taking "Your Son" in public again until he is at least 18. All I want to do is go home, put on my pajamas and relax. So we come home, Marshall makes popcorn so I can watch a movie.......(lol maybe we should have just done that in the first place?!)..... I check my email and respond to a few while Marshall puts Anthony to bed. I give a sigh of relief......finally I can just relax. Think again! There is a knock on the door and Marshall answers it. It is my stepsister. One of our limo drivers has a wife who is pregnant and she is due on May 11th. Tim (the husband/limo driver) is at the Shooting Star Casino, in Mahnomen, on a run and Stacy (the wife/pregnant one) has been sick all day. She calls the hospital and they tell her to come in. Problem? There is no way to get her there so she does what any rational pregnant women would do. Call her husband on his cell phone and bitch him out for not being there when she needed him. I think under the circumstances she did well. :-) So Tim calls my stepsister and says he needs help getting her to the hospital. Well Jenny (stepsister) has just had two weeks of major hell in that very same hospital watching her infant nephew pass away from complications during his birth. She was in tears because she couldn't even think of going back. She agreed to keep an eye on my kids and me and Marshall went into town to pick up Stacy a woman we have never met. We get to her apartment and the poor thing looked just miserable. We drive her to the hospital and sit in an emergency room with several weird and strange looking people, mean while Jenny had found someone to drive to Mahnomen and cover for Tim so he was in route back to Fargo (an hour+ drive). We promised to stay with her until he arrived. I felt so bad for her, they wheel her up to the maternity ward to moniter the baby, the baby is fine so they wheel her back down to the emergency room to hook her up to IV's and give her liquids because she was so dehydrated. Tim showed up about 12:45 just as they were getting ready to hook her up to the IV's. Shortly after we left them both at the hospital happy that we could help out. Finally....... I could go home and go to bed right? Nope.......the night wasn't over yet! Stay tuned for part three. :-)

Part One - The Theater: Yesterday was an extremely bizarre day! It started out as most Saturdays do, quiet with the kids watching cartoons. Marshall had to work yesterday so we all waited for him to come home because we were supposed to go look at that house again. He SAID he'd be home between 2 or 3. I took that to mean 3:30 - 4:30 because when it comes to work he is NEVER home when he is supposed to be home.....there is always one more thing to do, one last thing to finish up. Hey, I met him at work, I understand that side of him even if it does drive me nuts. Well, I waited and waited and waited.....no call and no Marshall. I got sick of waiting so I took the kids into town and we went to McDonalds. He finally calls me at 5:30....and of course I yell, he apologizes. I say I am not going home I've been stuck there all day so he comes into town to meet us. I have the brilliant idea of going to a movie, which sounded a like a good idea at the time, but of course I was forgetting one small thing. Anthony! lol Well, we were late for the movie so that should have been the first sign to go home but nooooo....I want to see a movie. I had already seen Chocolat but Brittany wanted to see it and I knew Marshall would like it so I figured that was a good choice that way I could explain the parts they had missed. The first 15 minutes were great. Anthony sat on Marshall's lap mesmerized by the screen eating buttered popcorn. Then he just decided.....that was fun......now what? He decides he wants to stand up by the seats. Keep in mind that the theater was fairly empty and we were way in back with an empty row in front of us and only two people behind us. So I let him stand up.....he wasn't bothering any one.....except for me! lol I couldn't relax. I am one of those people who just freaks if people don't control their kids. I pride myself that I have taken my daughters to restaurants and people would come up to me and tell me how well behaved they are..... I pride myself on the fact that I have taken my daughters on airplanes and have had people come up to me after the flight and thank me again and again because they were so good. Since I have had Anthony I have not had that happen since! lol Go figure?! Well, when my little "angel" discovered the red lights on the stairs we had walked up I knew he wouldn't be happy until he was walking up and down them so I decided to take him out to the lobby for a bit. As we are walking down the stairs he decides that we need to converse. "Mommy? Mommmmmyyy?" And like an idiot I try to hush a two year old. So I walk him down the stairs and he decides it's time to count. "Five, Twwwwooo, Eight, Nine" I was waiting for someone to throw popcorn at us. Because I had already seen the movie I didn't mind letting Marshall enjoy it, especially since he hardly ever gets to movies while I go all the time. So I played pinball and chased after Anthony until he wore me out and we waited in the car. I sat there wondering where my life has went? It was a Friday night and I was on a date from hell with a two year old! But of course when he smacked me on the cheek with his sticky, licorice coated lips all was forgiven! :-) Okay.......well that was part one. I need some coffee and I'll be back in a bit to fill you in on the rest.

Hey Harv.....nice to see you. :-) Have fun at the lake this weekend.

So I wait an entire day to hear back from them and nothing. So I call and the guy on the phone seriously pissed me off. He knew about my email, he knew about the problem and still no call?! You know the reason we went with a local host in the first place is because we wanted "one-on-one" customer service. I don't usually bash companies (people maybe lol but not businesses) because from experiences gained through the limo company I know that sometimes things happen beyond your control. I have been on the recieving end of an angry customer.....it's not the best place to be believe me! So for the most part I TRY to be courteous and understanding when I have a complaint. On the other hand when I try to fix a problem and I have to deal with someone who probably doesn't know how to define the word customer service I get a little pissed off. I have to listen to him mumbling to himself as he tries to find my account (haven't you ever heard of a hold button?! sheesh) and then he proceeds to act like he knows what he is talking about when we both know he doesn't. Unfortunately there was no one else to talk to so I just informed him that I WILL be moving our site and I WILL be calling back on Monday to deal directly with the person in charge. So what is the problem? Somehow they lost our payment and nothing has been credited to our account. I of course call our bookkeeper (lol......my mom hehe) and she gives me the information as to when payments are made. So I call back and calmly tell him this and he really has no clue what to do and so of course our site is still off line! What makes me so mad is that again we are paying WAY TOO MUCH just to have a local server. Our company is one of the largest limo services in town, we have been in business for 7 years so our name is well known, and my family does lots of business with several different companies with the main company that heads up this little business. So where along the lines do they say hey, this company hasn't paid their bill we are going to just shut down their site without finding out what the problem is. HELLO?! I'm sorry, this is just not how I would run a business. I have done billing for a few different jobs and sometimes things get lost, sometimes things get over looked, you don't risk pissing off a customer/client just because it is too much work to contact them in person. I have never had to move a site before so hopefully things go smoothly.

Still nothing from the server......anyone who has any suggestions as to a reasonable yet dependable place to move a business site please let me know. I have no idea how long it takes to move. They had better get in touch with me by tomorrow because they do NOT want to hear from me!

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Damn!! I really need to get this site
moved! It is down again........let's see how long it takes them to contact me this time!

Brush with Fame time: I was in a speech class at school where we had to introduce ourselves to the group and relate a story about the most famous person we had met. I was surprised to realize I had so many. Here is my strangest one. I was working in a Chinese restaurant while in high school. I wasn't a waitress, I just bussed tables. Anyway, I was totally obsessed with this person. I had her pictures all over my room, I think it was because not only was she the first model I had recognized with dark hair but she also had a mole on the side of her face just like I do. Anyway, my best friend (who also worked there) came up to me and asked me, "Isn't that the person you have pictures of all over your room?" I looked and sure enough it was her! I couldn't believe it. I mean, I was in a Chinese restaurant in Cheyenne, Wyoming for petes sake and she was sitting at a table with a small group of people eating. She didn't have any make up on and looked pretty but normal. I must have walked by her table a few times because she looked up at me and smiled and asked me to take her credit card to the front counter. I said something brilliant like, "Are you Cindy Crawford?" and she says...."That's what it says on my credit card." LOL I looked and sure enough that was her name on the card! LOL...... I was like in total awe. Then when I returned the credit card to her table she asked me if I would go outside and take a picture of her and her friends in front of the restaurant. I am telling you I was totally shocked. LOL.....she must have thought I was a complete idiot because I just nodded my head, went outside took their picture as they posed in front of the restaurant and then gave her back her camera without saying a word! Sheesh...... you would think that I would have at least asked for an autograph! hehe So that is one of my "brushes with fame." More to come... :-)

I had the coolest dream last night...... I was back at my childhood home and I was in the livingroom looking down the hallway... I walked down the hallway and went outside through the back door. I was in the middle of this beautiful garden (that was never there) and I went swimming in this beautiful pond. It was so relaxing..... I did not want to wake up!

Thanks for the invite! Although going through the member list I am starting to feel old! lol.......on well I guess it's young at heart that matters. Although I might have to ask for a translation on some of the posts! haha..... I don't get out enough. :-) I am so glad that we have been able to keep in touch. The work you are doing with Big Baer is just awesome!! I am so impressed. One of these days Marshall and I are gonna have to get to Chicago. :-) You know what you need though? You seriously need a blog! This way I can keep up with what you're doing! Hehe...... I know..... as if you don't have enough to do! Talk to you later and thanks again!

All emails regarding the previous post can be directed HERE.......but if they are full of evil and hate I will direct them immediately HERE. By sending your hate mail to my email box at the above address or any other address owned by me you give me the sole permission to publish it word for word including your name and email address on this page or any other page published by me for all to see.........so think twice unless you want everyone to know exactly what kind of language you use in the "name of God."
Thank you have a nice day.....
God Bless You and
Brightest Blessings.

I think we bought a house....... I think but I don't want to say "Yes we bought a house" until all of the paperwork is signed. I'll keep ya posted. :-) I am so ready for a change.....not just in real life but on the internet as well. People here are so quick to judge and jump to conclusions without knowing the whole story. Just to set the record straight..... I have NEVER been offended by Christian graphics/scriptures etc. I was uncomfortable with belonging to a group that excluded people based on their religion so I left the group. It is their right to have those guidelines (even if they weren't added until AFTER I joined) just as it is my right to leave because I don't agree with their stand. End of subject? I wish. Let's just say that certain people have twisted my position around enough to call me Satan! lol I'm sorry if I am such a threat to their "faith" but there was no reason to shut down and blame it on me. I left quietly.......I didn't even tell anyone other than the person who needed to remove me......I have ignored hate mail from "God fearing Christian women"........ what the hell do you want from me? Leave me the hell alone.......if anyone is full of hatred it is you. Get over it......quit being so dramatic. Reopen your site like we all know you will and move on. I know I'm not going anywhere so if you think that using false identities to threaten me and my friends is going to get anywhere you have another thing coming. Once again for the record let me state: I do not hate Christians, I have nothing against Christian sites, I have nothing against Christian webrings. I choose to keep my faith private, I choose to not preach to others on my site, I choose to belong to webrings that don't discriminate based on race, sexual preference or religion. I respect your right to choose how you represent yourself and your webpage......all I ask is that you respect my choice to do the same.

There are days when I wonder where in the world all the stupid people come from.........and why do they always seem to find me?!

I just wanted to wish you all a very Happy Easter!!! I hope you all enjoy a wonderful day filled with family, friends, peace, love and lots of yummy treats. :-) ~Hugs, Lisa

Graphics by Countryside Heaven

Hello! Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. It has been very crazy around here. I don't live in Fargo but I do live just outside of Fargo and although we haven't been hit by the flooding yet we are keeping a close eye on Floodwatch 2001 and we are hoping that it doesn't get anything like the floods of 97.

We have also had a very tragic death very close to our family. Please keep baby Andrew's family in your thoughts and prayers.

In view of everything going on in my real life the events happening here on the internet are of course trivial.....but they affect me all the same. I am not in the frame of mind to even get into it now but Eden as usual has stated pretty much everything that I have been thinking. You can be sure that I will take the time to address this issue as soon as the things that really matter have been resolved. This issue is very important to me........and again, I would like to thank Eden for taking a stand on something so important.

Went out with Maria and my mom last night and ran into quite a few old friends. I have really missed seeing Dale and even Brad and Joe were there. These guys are so much fun, I think the last time I saw them was when we all went to the Metallica concert together. It was really funny because when I told them I wanted to go they were like, we'll just get your ticket with ours.......well I assumed their girlfriends were going...... nope. I was the only girl there with about 6-8 guys and we had the best time, defiinitely the best concert I've ever gone to. lol I think that has always been the story of my life. For my 16th birthday party I had about 20 guys there and the only girl I invited was my best friend Sandy. All through high school other than Sandy the only friends I had were guys. I've never understood women.......for the most part I still don't. With men you don't have to second guess what they are thinking or what they really mean. They are so much easier to get along with...... and they are so much more fun. Which brings me back to last night. Even though I drank way too much.......which is one of the downfalls of drinking with men.....you can never seem to catch up! lol It has been way too long since I went out and just had fun. Although you can tell that we have all grown up a bit, (well except for the prank jokes played on poor Joe) because our conversations were mostly about our kids. I set up a playdate with Dale and his son Adam and I talked about preschools with Brad for his adorable daughter and I was happy to see the excitement in Jeremy's face as he talked about the upcoming arrival of his second baby. These guys have turned into incredible fathers and I am very proud to have them as friends. We don't see each other as often as we used to but the friendship is always there.

For once I am speechless. You are the best! Thank you for being such a wonderful friend, for always being there when I need you, for always knowing how to make me laugh, for always understanding what I mean when I say the wrong thing, for accepting me the way I am whether it's good or (mostly) bad, for just being you! xoxoxo

I always wondered where this was!
Thanks Juli for passing it on :-)

Yesterday Brittany starts screaming.... "Mom..... Anthony is choking! Anthony is choking!" I can hear him gasping for air in the next room. Marshall and I go running, both of us in the midst of trying to not have a heart attack when we get to the living room Anthony is watching tv and Brittany screams "April Fools!" I couldn't believe it. That was so NOT funny! She made Danielle make the gasping sounds. We had a long talk about appropriate jokes. I hate April Fool's day!

My email is majorly pissing me off!!!! I can't send anything out using Outlook and I know it has to be something really simple and stupid but I just can't find what is wrong. I can get my email I just can't email anything out unless I use my MSN account which I hate!! I have switched my MSN email account to be managed via Outlook......... and all that did was mess it up worse! Damn it! I just love Mondays! lol

I got the strangest email yesterday........a person I don't even know sent me an email and asked me to change some of the site content on this page because they found it to be offensive. Shock was not the word for my response......how about dumbfounded? lol